Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

How about a greasy kebab, Your Majesty?

November 9, 2011

Blog Guy, I see Britain’s Queen Elizabeth just spent 11 days visiting Australia. That must be a huge logistical undertaking involving thousands of aides, security folks, drivers….

Nothing could be further from the truth. The queen is remarkably self-reliant, and instructed her staff “not to make a fuss over me.”

They gave her some MapQuest printouts and emergency contact numbers, and sent her on her way. Here, in this top photo, you can see her asking directions in Australia.

Wow, good for her! That’s very impressive!

* * * * * * * * * *

I say, madam, can you direct me to an institution where I may convert my travellers cheques?

A bank? Sure, there’s one two blocks over in that direction, but I should warn you, they’re going to insist on proper identification.

I say! Well, my face is on the currency here, will that do?

I don’t know, lady. It’s better if you have a Costco card with a photo.

Thank you. Could you recommend a place for lunch?

Sure. If you like big greasy kebabs, there’s a place four blocks down that way.

Is it easy to find?

Pretty easy, what with the smell, but I’ll tell you what. If you see an outdoor place with Chippendales dancers, you’ve gone too far…

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Top and left: Britain’s Queen Elizabeth (L) listens to Queensland Premier Anna Bligh as she points towards the areas affected by the floods at Soutbank in Brisbane October 24, 2011. REUTERS/Daniel Munoz

Right: Queen Elizabeth looks at Australian Aboriginal dancers during her visit to Clontarf Aboriginal College in Perth, October 27, 2011. REUTERS/William West/Pool

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Comments

I love the expression on the Queen’s face as she looks at the dancers — so very different from Prince Charles’s expression when he would join the aboriginal dancers.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive
 

Traveling in a royal limo
On a Brisbane beach, head on a pillow
I met an odd lady, she made me nervous
She spoke to me in a haughty tone
And she said,

“Do you know I’m the Queen down under?
Where people dance and flowered hats stun her?
Can’t you read, can’t you read the blunder?
You better bow, you better curtsy.”

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive
 

Verses 2 and 3:

Bought a donut from a man in Sydney
He was a prince and his face was goofy
I said, “Do you read the OE blog?”
He just sneered and gave me a quick snog.
And he said,

“I am the prince from down under
Tea cups I toss with scones asunder
I do not read, I do not read such blunder
You better bow, you better curtsy.

Lyin’ in a hotel in Krasnoyarsk
Somehow hung over and not much to ask
I said to BG, “Are you trying to tempt me
Because I post comments a-plenty?”
And he said,

“Do you know the Queen’s down under?
Where people dance and flowered hats stun her?
Can’t you read, can’t you read the blunder?
You better bow, you better curtsy.”

Apologies to Men at Work and the makers of Vegemite.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive
 

Favourite Queen story from the first time she visited Australia after taking the throne – froman entirely *cough* reliable source.
HRH and Mr. HRH were in Queensland at an agricultrual exhibition, watching as large burly men were competing in a coal-shovelling competition.
The Queen met the still-sweating winner and asked him “That was a marvellous effort, is that the most you have moved?”.
The Aussie mopped his brow, looked down at HRH and said “Missus, that was nothing – I can shift 30 bloody tons an hour”.
Mr. HRH, shocked, said “I Say! Steady on there old man!”, to which the Aussie, after mopping his brow again, and looking at the both of them, replied ” Alright then – 20 bloody tons an hour”.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive
 

@Frisco: Excellent lyric change from the original. Let’s add it to the musical.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive
 

I’m trying to decide what’s funnier — the line spoken to the Queen,”It’s better if you have a Costco card with a photo” or her response, “Thank you,” as if that were a good tip that she can use.

I picture the Queen rifling through her bag and saying, “Shoot! Did I leave my Costco card at home? Maybe it’s in the folds on one of these MapQuest maps that I folded up and put in here.”

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive
 

Well, she’s rather looking every bit her Elizabethan age these days :-/

Posted by Bandage | Report as abusive
 

If she tries to order a Foster’s, she better have proof of age on her ID. Otherwise she’ll end up like one of her subjects last week in Harlow, England. See http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2011/10/31/N o-ID-no-liquor-sale-to-woman-92/UPI-4085 1320081001/ (Sorry, BG, it’s a rival’s Odd News.)

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive
 

I think her Royal Ma’am-esty needs to use that mug shot for her Costco club card photo. The clerks there surely won’t recognize her with anything less than the royal glare

Costco Photographer: Ah what a lovely hat, your majesty, now smile!

Queen Bess: I most certainly will not!

*click!*

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive
 

HRH: “I say! Well, my face is on the currency here, will that do?”

Barbara Bush: “Well, it works for me…but it’s a bleepin’ nuisance, carrying all those $1 bills around….”

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive
 

CrowGirl, KnittiNurse and I decided as of yesterday, to market the lovely stuff that burns during LASIK eye surgery (with a very nice bouquet to it) as a fine new line of ‘Burnt Eye Jelly’(BEJ!)
censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored censored
Operators are waiting right now, for your orders! Just mention that you saw it in ‘The Blog Guys Blog,’ for a 25% discount!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive
 

What’s a CostCo card?

Posted by Funkyk | Report as abusive
 

OK, I’ll take the zap. Funkyk, that’d be a big wholesaler here in the US, very popular, that sells everything from appliances to applewood smoked sausages, in bulk. You need a club membership card with your picture to get inside; or in the case of HRH, you show the clerk your stylish millinery.

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive
 

@Funkyk, check it out. http://www.costco.com. Let me know what you think of their funeral section.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

Rats! I now have a vision of two little rodents with top hats and cans tap dancing across a stage: the Chip and Dale dancers.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive
 

@jclimacus081, do you get the impression Queen Elizabeth could prevent the pandapocalypse with that royal glare?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

@ifly: not only that but “the look” (as Prince Charles calls it) would probably
a) re-freeze the polar icecaps
b) give Medo the Bear heartburn (after a nice meal of Rotweiler)
http://blogs.reuters.com/oddly-enough/20 11/06/02/cutest-bear-on-earth-visits-my- blog/
c) almost scare Chuck Norris

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive
 

Anna Bligh looks fierce. That said, she is NOTHING in front of Queenie Mother.
Where is Goofy Prince Charlie?

Oh how I would love a chuckle
if only I had a belt and a buckle
I would bind up Charlie
and would ask in a voice, very girlie
Oh, do make me chuckle!!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

The aboriginal dancer is about to do an “I crush your head” to the Queen.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive
 

JC, you asked for it..
Zapppppppp!
Funkyk, you get a zap too.. thats for learning
Zaaaaaaaappppppppp!

Welcome to the OE blog. You are officially a member now.
Remember the rules, no learning, no teaching!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

It’s worse when you know the zap’s coming…

But Shra, great limerick :-D Where is the Prince of Goof these days??? BG, can we look forward to his royal kiltitude soon?

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive
 

Shra, could you kindly turn down the zap power down a bit? Every time you zap some poor oaf I have to go out and buy an entire new range of lamp bulbs!

JC, Funkyk, welcome to the OE blog. Could I kindly ask you not to learn or teach anymore? My monthly budget takes a bite every time Shra wields her zapper

Posted by justM | Report as abusive
 

Shra, with you having to recharge your zapper all of the time, there is no wonder that there is global warming!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive
 

@jclimacus081, oh it would be an epic staredown between Queen Elizabeth and Medo to be sure but I do agree Medo would end up suffering for it in the end.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive
 

Hmm Queen looks very bored…

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive
 

Now now, M.. sure not all the bulbs go out!
Unca, I am keeping global warming down. You have no idea what the carbon footprint is when someone learns. or teaches.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

Exactly, Shra. Thank you for educating us on that.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive
 

No, Mr.B, I so did NOT educate.
You could have called it education if I actually mentioned the amount of carbon emissions.
But I did not. So there, no teaching, no learning.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive
 

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