You feelin’ fertile, Myrtle?

November 16, 2011

Blog Guy, I’m hoping you can help answer a question for me. Where do babies come from?

Er, uh, you should probably ask your parents about that.

They told me to ask you, then they went off to work in their haberdashery.

Oh. Well, when a a man and a woman love each other very much, they pick up the phone and order a delivery from the Sperm Bike, which pedals over with a gallon of baby-starter.

You mean sort of like the ice cream man?

Sort of, if the ice cream was stored in liquid nitrogen-cooled vacuum containers and delivered by a medical technician on a bike.

Where do these medical technicians get the baby-starter, anyway?

I don’t know. I suspect it involves “Hustler” magazine at some stage of the process.

Thanks, Blog Guy. Do you suppose anybody ever shouts rude stuff at guys pedaling a gigantic sperm bike through town?

Rude stuff? You mean like, “Hey, it’s Speedy Seedy!” or “Look, it’s the Semen Demon!” or “Hello, Sperminator!” Nah, I doubt it, most people are more sensitive than I am..

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Top: Biological analyst Alan Dowden of the Seattle Sperm Bank places a transportation container aboard the Sperm Bike, a custom-designed, high-tech bicycle used to deliver donated sperm to fertility clinics, in Seattle November 8, 2011.

Left: A passer-by takes a photo of the Seattle Sperm Bank’s Sperm Bike.

Right: Biological analyst Alan Dowden of the Seattle Sperm Bank rides the Sperm Bike.

REUTERS photos by Anthony Bolante

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Cycling on the berm
Riding bullitt for bio-firm
Bringing sperm to term.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

If I recall, Lance Armstrong rode a bike. That’s all I’m gonna say.

Posted by Billl | Report as abusive

Helpful safety hint for the day – don’t order salad dressing from the deli in the middle picture.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

I hope that container is sealed well. It gets rainy in Seattle, and the roads get slippery. If the cyclist and his cargo take a tumble…

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

That’s gonna be one big baby!

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

I think they should have gone with an electric Smart car. You could come up with all sorts of neat (suggestive) slogans for it, and it probably would have cost the same as the bike!

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

@Nosmo – ew!

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

I agree with CG…YUCK!

file this under jobs I’m glad I don’t have. Sperm Bank Cyclist. I bet that will draw some attention on a résumé.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@Nosmo: You’re evil (and I’m still laughing!).

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

@Nosmo: You’re evil (and I’m still laughing!).

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Am I the only one who thinks he is cute?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Shra: Yes, he’s cute, but I’m not going to comment on his sperm.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

—sigh— I remember my first “Hustler” magazine. I had to ride my bike to the store to buy it.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Attractive woman at party: So, what do you do?
Alan Dowden: I’m a biological analyst.
Woman: What do you analyze?
Alan Dowden: Umm, well, I’m also a cyclist.
Woman: Really? Professional? Do you compete?
Alan Dowden: Not really. I deliver sperm.
Woman: All men do, but few would actually call it “making a living,” although some call it “making a baby.”

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I humbly offer a haiku:

A sperm bank cyclist
Going on his daily rounds
From banks to clinics

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive