So I’m not the sexiest man alive?

November 17, 2011

Boss, you got a minute for a private chat?

Sure Lamar, what’s up?

I’m kinda depressed. “People Magazine” just announced its “Sexiest Man Alive” choice for this year, and once again, it wasn’t me.

I can see where that would be a blow to somebody with your unusual looks, Lamar. Who got it this time?

Some actor named Bradley Cooper.

It keeps goin’ to guys like George Clooney, Matt Damon, Harrison Ford. Some of them have won twice, and I can’t even get it once.

Do these guys look all that great to you Boss? Seems like they only give it to famous people.

Well, there may be a certain logic to that, Lamar. You need to get noticed.

I stood in front of the magazine’s office for 12 days last month until they had me arrested, Boss.

I’m just as sorry as I can be, Lamar. So your new mullet haircut didn’t help at all, huh?

Not a bit. Just like the conquistador boots and the tongue spike.

The important thing is, Lamar, don’t ever give up. Keep improving yourself until you get it. I’ll tell you what – you make 2012 the year you start using a toothbrush, deodorant, maybe even jock spray!

By golly, I can DO that, Boss! I can make this thing happen!

Bradley Cooper slideshow

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Top: Cast member Bradley Cooper at the premiere of “The Hangover Part II” at Grauman’s Chinese theatre in Hollywood, California, May 19, 2011. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

Right combo: Actor George Clooney arrives for a charity dinner in Venice, August 26, 2008. REUTERS/Max Rossi

Right combo middle: Actor Matt Damon, cast member of the movie “Contagion,” arrives on the red carpet at Cinema Palace during the Venice Film Festival, September 3, 2011. REUTERS/Alessandro Bianchi

Right combo bottom: Cast member Harrison Ford poses during a photocall for the film, “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” at the Cannes Film Festival, May 18, 2008. REUTERS/Vincent Kessler

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16 comments

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sexiest man alive? My vote goes to Chris Cornell. That voice, those eyes, that hair, that body. Now HE’s a Mr. Fab Abs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOPWWfifS No&feature=related With some Daniel Craig at no additional charge.

I’ll take one of each. THANKS ;)

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

We asked for Fab “ABS” BG..
Right, whats it gonna take for you to listen?
Do we need to launch a protest outside the GFMDS?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I humbly offer a haiku:

Sexiest — alive?
Is there a dead man’s award?
I don’t get “People.”

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

WHAT! Where’s my picture?

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Cheer up, BG. You’ll always be the sexiest guy to the women of the OE Blog. The other side of the OE fence will have to settle for Hulga.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

@69 … Good one!

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

@shra: You may have just started a movement–Occupy the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop. I envision a tent city, complete with unclean people and portapotties. I see the movement growing and spreading to all parts of the country until, finally, Mr Fab Abs steps forth to sooth the savage breast.

Posted by lemonttaylor | Report as abusive

@justCAM: I feared that you might look at Bradley Cooper’s photo and say, “That’s my sister!”

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Face it BG, goofy faces of male celebs aren’t cutting it. Now they’re headin’ for the GFMDS! Quick, throw them some meat!

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

In a couple of years, after Lamar gets comfortable with the idea of the toothbrush (appropriately named in his case) and deodorant, you can maybe introduce him to — The Laundry Room! It can be more than just the place where his socks crawl off to die…

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I can’t wait for Ladylala to voice her opinion on this matter! I am just going to hang out on her lawn (as I like to frequent) and wait for the show. :)

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I’m partial to Kermit the Frog and Charlie Brown.

Ladylala knows that her Lamar is a good man and will forever be her sexiest man!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Lemon, that really made me laugh out loud.. ” soothe the savage breast” indeed! LOL!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

@Jazz – I thought the laundry was the place socks went to, to get divorced.
They never come out in pairs, and often one is permanently gone from the scene.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

@Nosmo_King: Recent reports from the Cassini probe have determined that one section of the rings of Saturn consist of lost socks teleported by laundry systems here on Earth. Analysis of other sections include lost pen tops, paper clips, and loose change.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive