The worst fashions? Manure couture…

November 18, 2011

Blog Guy, I mainly come here for your coverage of really bad fashion. You do show us ALL the worst creations, right?

Of course I do. Except the stuff I need to protect my readers from, of course. But everything else gets…

Wait a second, Blog Guy. Nobody asked you to protect us.

We can take it, no matter how bad it is. We DEMAND to see the worst runway designs this year, and we want to see them now!

But I don’t think…

Don’t make me go to your boss, Blog Guy.

Okay, you asked for it.

Up at the top we have Hulga, sporting a bighorn sheep hairstyle, made possible by 4,260 rubber bands. She hasn’t blinked in a week.

Oh my God!

On the left, we have the worst men’s suit I’ve seen since 1974. I don’t know what made those lipstick marks on the guy’s face, but I’m positive it wasn’t human.

And here, on the right, we have an actual item from a women’s ready-to-wear fashion collection” in Paris. It appears to have been designed largely for survival in case your plane makes an emergency water landing.

I’ve been sitting on this photo since last March, because it is virtually indescribable. I will say that my favorite thing about it is that the model is wearing a navel ring, as if anybody on earth is going to care.

No! Take these away, Blog Guy! I need eye bleach!

Sorry, pal. You can’t put the genie back in the, you know, genie shredder or however that saying goes…

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A models presents a creation by Ukrainian designer Julia Aysina during Ukrainian Fashion Week in Kiev March 20, 2011. REUTERS/Konstantin Chernichkin

A model presents a creation from designer Carlos Diez’s Spring/Summer 2012 collection during Cibeles Madrid Fashion Week September 19, 2011. REUTERS/Susana Vera

A model presents a creation by Japanese designer Dai Fujiwara for fashion house Issey Miyake as part of his Fall-Winter 2011/2012 women’s ready-to-wear fashion collection during Paris Fashion Week March 4, 2011.  REUTERS/Benoit Tessier

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I see that Hulga has upgraded to an all-seeing-eye in the middle of her forehead.

That last outfit is just tragic – the only good thing may be the shoes, Shra?

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Hulga rulessssssssss!!!!!!!!!
And I see shoeeeeeeeeeesssssss!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

It’s not the navel ring that does the trick. It’s that little mole at 2 o’clock. Nice little accent of style.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Pajamas meet doorman meet circus performer in the second photo.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I humbly offer a haiku:

You call this fashion?!?
I call it “confusing mess
but entertaining.”

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

BlogGuy … I need a doughnut, stat.

I wonder if the model in the first pic knows she has giant ladybugs crawling all over her.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Hulga need eat! Dave need doughnuts!

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

A fashion designer’s creation
Sometimes defies explanation
What they call ready-to-wear
Or some artistic flair
Seems more fit for a societal aberration

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

That was my sister that was kissing Mr. Funny Suit! As far as her being human, Mom always said there was something strange about sis.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

Maybe it was Hulga kissing Mr. Fancy Pants?

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

is Hulga’s necklace made of Pop Rocks? And she’s sporting the at-home facelift hairstyle. Nice.

the guy looks like he’s dressed as a doorman on a rainy day, complete with the fold-up poncho.

I’m pretty sure that last one is made from trash bags.

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Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

That’s quite a monobrow Hulga’s sporting. She’s not related to Lamar or Johnson by any chance?

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

With those eyebrows, is Hulga related to Brooke Shields?

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

I’m curious about Hulga’s hairy yarmulke shaped like a widow’s peak.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I’m imagining the man in photo #2 wearing a pair of cowboy boots to complete his ensemble.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@Spin: Maybe its to help keep her hair-horns in place when she locks them in combat with her enemies, such as badgers, death panels, big horned sheep, fashion critics, etc. That is if her opponents don’t faint at the sight of her eyebrows first.

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

And here I thought that Hulga was wearing the Wurst Hairdo…

Posted by NWHiker | Report as abusive

Still better than being forced to look at most pictures of Paris Hilton.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Hulga’s a rather interesting name. Blog Guy, Hulga doesn’t happen to have a wooden leg by any chance, does she?

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

That Hulga is so clever! Having her ram horn hairdo keeps her from tipping over in the direction of her necklace.

My sense of fashion is non existant; but the snow white superhero made me giggle!

Meanwhile, the woman in the bottom photo seems to be wearing her trash bags as clothing.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Jclimacus, surely it doesn’t surprise you that I’m a flannery o’connor fan…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I had my suspicions Blog Guy, now they’re confirmed :-)
Her best story IMHO

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Yes, I had my suspicions Blog Guy, she’s a favorite of mine too

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

I’m guessing you may be a Charles Portis fan as well, jclimacus?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

very perceptive BG. what did you make of the True Grit remake?

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

I loved it. I thought it had more damned fun with my mother tongue than anything I’ve seen in years. I wish they had kept the original Portis closing sentence, which was lovely, but I’m sure they had their reasons. It was worth ten times the ticket price just seeing Jeff Bridges say, “Well, that did not pan out.” What did you think of it?

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

much the same. I felt it did justice to the humor of the original better than the 1969 version. “I am struck that LaBoeuf is shot, trampled, and nearly severs his tongue, and not only does not cease to talk, but spills the banks of English!”

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

Hah! I have interviewed Portis, and he was great fun. I’ll never understand why nobody has managed to turn “Dog of the South” into a very fine movie, though if anybody could do it, it’s the Coens.

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

I can’t believe that y’all haven’t mentioned the likeness of Hulgas and Madonnas Bullet Brassieres! Although, Hulga IS carrying hers higher…

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

I’m liking Hulga’s combover eyebrow look.

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Seriously, who wears this stuff? :/

Posted by fwd079 | Report as abusive

@Fwd – people who are too weak to fight when somebody dresses them

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Great idea, BG. It’s a shame Portis is not more well known!

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive