We need rhymers, not climbers!

November 21, 2011

Blog Guy, I know you’ve been following Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain and his campaign, complete with that Libya video meltdown and the “Cain train,” but what do you think about his latest comment?

You mean where he said, “We need a leader, not a reader.”

Yep.

Well, it is jolting to hear a candidate say something like that, but I know he loves those rhyming phrases. It’s sort of his trademark. Here are some examples from my own wide-ranging Cain interview, conducted in my imagination…

* * * * * * * * * *

Mr. Cain, could you comment on the Occupy Wall Street movement?

I strongly oppose those protesters. We need brokers, not jokers, and bankers, not wankers.

And what about the growing problem of homelessness?

We need poems, not homes…

And Mr. Cain, what about health care?

We need verses, not nurses.

I see. You’ve been very critical of the news media recently. Would you like to see all journalists forcibly sent overseas?

Yes. We need deporters, not reporters.

Mr. Cain, what about the idea that actress Uma Thurman would make a better candidate than yourself?

That’s a lie! We need Hermans, not Thurmans!

I see. Do you expect to climb in the polls in the coming weeks?

I don’t care whether my numbers go up. We need rhymers, not climbers!

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Top: Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain departs the State House in Concord, New Hampshire November 17, 2011.

Left: Cain speaks at a campaign rally in Nashua, New Hampshire November 17, 2011.

Right: Cain autographs a “Women for Cain” sign at a campaign rally in Nashua, New Hampshire November 17, 2011.

REUTERS photos by Brian Snyder

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24 comments

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You’re just a candidate who Cain’t say, “I know.”

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

We need ability, not senility.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Last photo: The fact that “Women for Cain” is in quotation marks makes me think that the phrase itself is ironic.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Nice, @Nosmo.

We need smarts, not old farts?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I humbly offer a haiku:

These “Women for Cain”
Is that a party of two?
His wife and daughter?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

We need doughnuts, not wing-nuts.

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

We need haberdashers not hatted mashers

Posted by jclimacus081 | Report as abusive

We need a brain, not Herman Cain.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

The “Women for Cain”
are certainly Raising Cain.
His IQ I mean.

Posted by AllThatJazz | Report as abusive

We need bloggers, not pettifoggers.
Baz/Lamar 2012!

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

@Jazz: I’m not sure the daughters of Eve will be Abel to raise Cain….

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

@Ladylala: Yes, that would require an act of biblical proportions.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

We need actors, not contestants on the X factor — those who take charge and act, not those who invent facts.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

“Wankers” is most definitely a word not used often enough on the west side of the pond. It is such an awesome word. I would like to requisition our trans-Atlantic friends that we here in good ‘ole North America be allowed to add wanker(s) to our vernacular also. And I am willing to negotiate something in return. If there is a word or phrase that catches your ear lemme know and we can work something out!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

That’s some bad hat, Herman.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@Georgia: Think you jumped the shark with that one. We’re gonna need a bigger blog.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

@ifly – Recently Malta’s Transport Minister was called an ef*SPAM FILTER*in wanker by a University student, and it was all over the news. I too agree that the word should be used more often.

Herman “the Sherman” Cain,
He never feels disdain,
With a rhyme or two,
He’s always blue,
Oh man he’s such a pain!

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

We need hooligans, not citizens!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Political turkeys in time for Thanksgiving.
I’m thankful for work;
they misquote for a living.

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

What we need is pepperoni, not more baloney!
The English version:
What we need is Prince Chuckles, not pig knuckles.
The Australian version:
What we need is Kevin Rudd, not Elmer Fudd.
Although with that last one, it could be difficult to tell the difference.

Posted by Nosmo__King | Report as abusive

For the hungry, we need more chips, fewer quips.

For the homeless, we need more homes, fewer 700-someodd-page Congressional bill tomes.

For the unemployed, we need more work, fewer politicians with smirks.

For the disenchanted, we need more hope, fewer downward slopes.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Speaking of turkeys, do THEY celebrate Thanksgiving?

Posted by Malteser | Report as abusive

@Malteser: Yes, I believe the Republican presidental candidates do celebrate Thanksgiving.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Candidate Herman Cain
Has another point of pain
A new story of an affair
But, to be fair,
It was consensual and not just for his gain

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive