Political paraffin-alia?

November 26, 2011

Blog Guy, this race for the Republican presidential nomination is getting pretty wild. First one candidate surges ahead, then another, then another. Now they’re saying former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is picking up support.

I think that’s probably true.

You really do? Is that based on your reading of the polls?

No, it’s based on pictures I just saw of new statues of Newt and his wife, at a wax museum.

Wax museums don’t mess around with losers, so when they unveil your statue, you’re going someplace, like these wax figures of then-candidates Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama at a Madame Tussauds, back in 2008.

Our captions generally describe these figures as “lifelike,” even though they’re not.

That’s very interesting. So now there are figures of Newt and Jackie?

No, Jackie was his first wife.

Oh. Newt and Marianne?

No, that was his second wife. Generally, the wax museums stick to just the most recent spouse, which I think is Callista. Anyway, as you can see, the figures seem to…

Wait a minute, Blog Guy. You’re a moron. Those are real people. That’s actually Newt and Callista, in person.

Really? Wow. They can make humans look so wax-like these days, it’s incredible…

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Top: Republican presidential candidate and former U.S. House of Representatives Speaker Newt Gingrich speaks as his wife Callista looks on at John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts November 18, 2011. REUTERS/Adam Hunger

Right: Lifelike wax figures of Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) (R) and Hillary Clinton (D-NY) on display in an oval office-like setting at Madame Tussauds in Washington February 11, 2008. REUTERS/Molly Riley

Left: Callista Gingrich listens to her husband. REUTERS/Adam Hunger

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The wax figures are so much less trouble.
Baz/Lamar 2012!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Paraffin-alia: a wax fingernail fetish
: a wax fish

And if the fish in question turns out to be a live shark, then a pair of fins will nail ya!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Quick, get that wax statue in the cooler and call Madame Tussaud STAT! Newt’s wax is melting…must be Global Warming.

Warning Candidates – The heat is on:
Bas/Lamar 2012!

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

PS Great headline, BG.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Why thank you, Moonshine…

Posted by rcbasler | Report as abusive

…just can’t resist a good pun.

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

our wonderful Blog Guy…waxing poetic.

I think it’s probably easier to be married to a Newt if you’re wax.

Boot Newt! Baz/Lamar 2012

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Is it just me or does the Newt and Callista look way too much alike? What is going on there hmmm?

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Oh and Baz/Lamar 2012!

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I like that the wax models are so lifelike that the captioner feels the need to make it clear that Mr Obama is the one on the right. :)

Posted by CrowGirl | Report as abusive

Just how much Botox does Callista use, I wonder?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

A speech is the only way Newt could get into the doors of Harvard.
Baz/Lamar 2012!

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive