When party smalltalk gets out of control

December 2, 2011

Blog Guy, I have a very specific fashion need and I hope you can help with it.

I go to a lot of very fancy affairs, but I have a tendency to say nasty things, and then other guests throw punches at me. What can I wear to protect myself at the holiday parties coming up?

Excuse me. Back up just a minute. You become SO offensive that upscale guests at festive Christmas parties want to punch you out? Is that what you’re saying?

Yes. I’ve never understood why they’re so sensitive, you stupid dumbass.

I think I’m starting to understand. Well, this season you’re in luck. Obnoxious women by the thousands have been flocking to a designer who makes this chic protective helmet called the “Holiday Punch Bowl.”

As you can see in these pictures, the headgear is stylish and alluring.

Not only will it protect you from your own inexcusable behavior, it also allows you to leave the party on a motorcycle, and even to go to a construction site, without ever changing clothes.

Wow, that could be just what I need, Blog Guy. Maybe you’re not quite the total loser you appear to be in your blog photo. Still, based on past experience, I do have one other question.

Yes?

Is this helmet bullet-proof?

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Models present creations by Georgian designer Lasha Mdinaradze at Tbilisi Fashion Week, November 24, 2011. REUTERS/David Mdzinarishvili

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36 comments

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Could these fine fashion accessories double as a protection gear against Shra’s zaps?

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

Ah, I understand where Lasha is going with this, considering how Tblisi is right at Rock Bottom in the list BG sent earlier..
M, nah, I would just hit you where I see flesh. Your choice.

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Oh, now I get it…. I completely misunderstood your headline on this one, BG. I took it as a reference to the presidential debates and thought, “BRILLIANT!”

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

I’m guessing that since the designer is from Georgia, that the helmet is indeed bulletproof. By the way, isn’t Tbilisi near Waycross?

Posted by Dave_not_dave | Report as abusive

Hmmm, First Shot begs this MP insertion:

TALL KNIGHT
We are the Knights Who Say “Ni”!

BEDEVERE
No! Not the Knights Who Say “Ni”!

TALL KNIGHT
The same!

ARTHUR
Who are they?

TALL KNIGHT
We are the keepers of the sacred words. NI … Peng … and Neee … Wom!

BEDEVERE
Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale.

TALL KNIGHT
The Knights Who Say “Ni”! demand a sacrifice.

Posted by FriscoJohn | Report as abusive

Shra, I was kind of hoping this could be a Faraday’s cage of sorts, but apparently it fails in that area as well!! Oh, well… I shall then just prepare for the ever-coming zap

Posted by justM | Report as abusive

What you can’t truly appreciate from these photos are the matching strappy helmet shoes.
I’m sure these are just a shameless rip-off from the well-known Australian fashion icon Ned Kelly.

Posted by Nosmo_King | Report as abusive

Hey, look. The 2nd outfit doubles as a salmon bar but in black pleather or something.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I humbly offer a haiku:

Holiday punch bowl
A brand-new type of fashion
or protective gear

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@Moonshine: Nah, the Republican candidates talk big, not small, but they do get out of control.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

@Shra: I fear you missed the third photo. May I say it for you? Shoooooooeeeessss!

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Blog Guy, I clicked the “helmet” tag, only to see that this was the only post that you have tagged with the word “helmet.” Is that true? There are no other Oddly Enough blog posts that deem such a curious tag?

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

Nosmo, as long as Mick Jagger isn’t acting the part of Ned Kelly, I will be looking into this Ned Kelly Fashion thing!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

@Nosmo – had to Google the Ned Kelly thing, and you’re right. Ned would have LOVED that one…the helmet, I mean, not the Shoooooooeeeeeesssss!

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

There is some side-bewb though so ya know, it’s not a total loss.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

Has Lamar kidnapped The Blog Guy? Where is he! I demand proof of his existence!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

I was wondering the same thing Unca. Nothing on his FB page either.

BG…where are you???

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

@Unca and Georgia….me three! BG, come out, come out, wherever you are!

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

Georgia and Moonshine, we’ll approach the building like the Seals had planned for the taking out of Osama. Georgia, you provide ground security. Moonshine, you work from the bottom up. I’ll be going from the roof down. George will be our guard Crab. For heavens sake, DON’T shoot at our hero, The Blog Guy!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

Fashion Mavens with fashionable muzzles?

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

@justM: zapped while wearing a metal helmet? That is one connection you might not want to make. Ouch!

@Nosmo: you are making Ned Kelly well known over here, you rascal!

Posted by Onedoor | Report as abusive

Unca – Let me know if you need additional ground support. Beware of Ma Lamar – This may be her plot to give her son top billing on the 2012 ticket.

Posted by inebgreen | Report as abusive

Lord help us, I have an eerie sense of foreboding….

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

@Unca – I got the bottom up…. Oh, wait a minute, that was “Bottoms Up” with the beer can. OK, I’m on it now….

Posted by Moonshine | Report as abusive

On three! One—two—three!

OK, BG is NOT in my house!

inebgreen, check the back yard!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

Backyard is clear!

Posted by inebgreen | Report as abusive

The Blog Guy is hiding in plain view. He’s walking around with one of these Holiday Punch Bowl helmets and showing up at your holiday parties. Go check the guests chatting by doughnut plate at your holiday party. See if the Blog Guy is there.

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

I humbly offer a haiku:

Holiday punch bowl
It’s quite the party outfit
Mr. Sheen needs one

Posted by 69Spinster | Report as abusive

he’s not here either. Still nothing on his FB page :(

I’m worried. I hope BG & family are ok.

Posted by GeorgiaPeach | Report as abusive

Assemble, OEB Extraction Team! Fill up your canteens with some of this Boone’s Farm Strawberry Wine that George made me get for Tanksgiving Day! Yeah, I said ‘Tanksgiving Day!’ George is kind of clueless.

Next we’ll look at his past blogs for clues as to the disappearance of The Blog Guy! Report in if any of you find anything!

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive

I am gonna scramble the BT-69 and do a search by air.

Posted by iflydaplanes | Report as abusive

I’ll get my sister (that’s her in the bottom pic) to help find him.

Posted by justCAM | Report as abusive

@inebgreen: Most astute of you to suspect Ma Lamar, but I checked in with her and she’s clear. Keen as she is to advance her boy’s prospects, she’s been far too busy lengthening his pants for the upcoming campaign trail. To find Mr B we must widen the net. Glad to know you’re all on it. I remain at my post.

Posted by ladylala | Report as abusive

Right, what do I do?

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

Wait, did anyone check the GFDMS? JustK knows the place, get her onboard!

Posted by Shra | Report as abusive

I am calling in all of the members of the OEB Extraction Team, including Shra, who is armed with her fabuluos Zapper!

We seem to have forced whoever was holding BG hostage to allow him to post again! However, it seems he is ending his career as The Funniest Blog Guy that ever existed!

Good job! Stand down, and have yourselves nice lives!

Commander UR

Posted by uncarastus | Report as abusive