Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

If Lego made shoes for women…

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Lamar, you said you had a hot new fashion design to show me. I’m skeptical after that nutty lingerie thing a few days ago, but I’m listening.

Here it is, boss, behold the future!

This is just a pile of crap, Lamar. Plastic lumps and rubber bands and stuff.

To the untrained eye, sure. But it’s actually a flexible modular shoe design which allows a woman to make 256 different footwear combinations!

Two hundred and fifty-six combinations, all of them hideous?

It does take some getting used to, but look. We can do stilettos, sandals, flats, pumps, fuzzy slippers, thigh boots, golf shoes, snowshoes…

This looks very, very complicated, Lamar.

Not to worry, Boss. The parts come with a 60-page instruction booklet and a three-hour DVD….

Those are some pretty big shoes to fill

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Blog Guy, you’re obviously a very cosmopolitan dude, a citizen of the world, right?

Well, growing up in Indianapolis we supposedly had some Belgians living on our block, although I never actually saw them.

World’s ugliest shoes? Quite a feet!

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Lamar, I put you in charge of creating our label’s signature new shoe for spring. Our competition is the Holy Grail of of shoes, the stiletto in the top photo. The stuff dreams are made of. Sleek, sensual, five straps, platform soles, 14-inch heels. Lusty Cherry Red!

Let’s see what you’ve come up with to blow that bad boy out of the water!

She’s choking! Save the shoes!

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Blog Guy, I’m dating a fashion model…

Hey, that must be neat.

fashion heimlich crop 260It is, but I worry. She eats so little, and sometimes a raisin or a pea will go down the wrong way and she starts to choke.

So I figure I should learn that lifesaving Heimlich Maneuver.

Okay, first, you don’t want to use the standard Heimlich on her. You need the Size Zero Heimlich.

My shoes match! I have to go change!

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Okay, fashion design staffers, there’s a recession on. We have to find a way to squeeze more money out of teenage girls, because they’ll buy ANYTHING!

Pay attention. We’re telling them the cool new look is those silly hats bullfighters wear. Yes, I’m serious. Now, Lenny has come up with some goofy, hideous dresses that will sell like hotcakes.

It’s time to give the oath of office to your shoes…

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Blog Guy, a couple of days ago you showed pictures of Sarah Palin’s shoes, and said that was an important part of covering prominent women. That was just a joke, right?

Uh, sure, if you want it to be. On the other hand, this photo here shows Sarah Palin’s shoes at a campaign appearance in Colorado yesterday, and below you can see three different pairs of former candidate Hillary Clinton’s shoes from her campaign for the nomination.

I got the blues in my shoes…

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smurf-160.jpgYou seem to have close connections to the fashion world, Blog Boy, so I’ll be blunt. I’m a Smurf, and as far as short, troll-like blue creatures are concerned, haute couture ain’t makin’ it!

Do they think we can’t AFFORD designer clothes? Because let me tell you, some of us have wads of money, what with royalties on toys, television residuals, endorsements and what not!

Ed, did you find my shoes? Ed? Ed?

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cobra300.jpgWe have a video report that raises sort of a theological question. Who has done more good for mankind – the person who produced shoes festooned with precious gems to sell for $134,000 a pair, or the one who thought of guarding those shoes with a live cobra?

Yeah, it’s close, but I’m inclined to say the latter. The notion of a lethal deterrent has many handy home applications, especially in the area of dieting. I’ve now set scorpions loose in our potato chip drawer, put black widow spiders in our jar of Junior Mints, and let leeches run wild in the four places where we keep our jelly doughnuts. I also tried putting venomous snakes in with my Ben & Jerry’s, but they don’t seem too intimidating after a night in the freezer.

Shoes for the truly footloose…

Okay, this photo is from an exhibition called “Reinventing Shoe.” You know the sort of thing – thinking outside the shoebox about style, etc.

But I’m thinking if your foot fits into this bad boy, your problems are a lot more serious than a lack of style. Feel free to submit your own alternative captions for this one via Post a Comment.

The worst fashions? Manure couture…

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Blog Guy, I mainly come here for your coverage of really bad fashion. You do show us ALL the worst creations, right?

Of course I do. Except the stuff I need to protect my readers from, of course. But everything else gets…