Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
It’s even more magical than I remembered!
Sure, Doctor, I had a great childhood! I did all the usual stuff. Why do you ask?
It’s just a routine question we ask in therapy, Blog Guy. What is your very best memory of your early childhood back in Indianapolis?
Well, for a big treat, our folks would take me and my sister to Lamar’s Fun-o-Rama and House o’ Horrors! It was every child’s dream come true.
Good, Blog Guy. Now close your eyes and tell me more about Lamar’s. What do you see?
Gosh, I see the dazzling neon lights, the merry-go-round, the ferris wheel, the calliope, the cotton candy, the clowns, the….the…
The what, Blog Guy?
Class, get out your rulers…
Blog Guy, I’ve heard that the British Royal Family isn’t very well educated. That’s hard to believe, what with being the land of Shakespeare and everything.
Well, it turns out that when you spend all day changing into different costumes and hats and jewelry and stuff, your education can be neglected.
But to their very great credit, both Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, have returned to what we would call grade school, to start over. I applaud them.
Here there are, on their first day, in a history class. Just think of it as Hogwarts, but with tighter security.
Do we have any idea what this history teacher is saying to Camilla in the photo?
I believe he asked her who won the American Revolution and she said, “The bad guys.” It’s going to be an uphill struggle.
Good one Shra… he reminds me of Bilbo Baggins from LOTR.
Great science projects for your family…
Blog Guy, my daughter, Julie, has to do a school project involving transportation. We were thinking about making a little cardboard sled.
A cardboard sled? Are you a chump? Don’t you care about getting little Julie into a decent college?
But she’s only six.
Six? It may already be too late! Look at what other families are doing in the homemade transportation department.
These folks above, in China, are finishing up a miniature submarine which will be able to dive to 65 feet and spend 10 hours under water.
That’s impressive, but surely it’s one of a kind.
never knock those with imagination and the courage to follow it. After all the Harrier STOVL jet started life as a flying bedstead!
Drive slower, Ma, you can’t see over the mushrooms!
Blog Guy, I’ve signed up for one of your tours to Krasnoyarsk, that Siberian city you call Wackytown. I’m very excited!
Cool! Which tour will you be joining?
It’s your “Sunny Siberia Beach Holiday,” in December. You’re positive we’ll have lots of warm beach weather in December?
Sure. When it’s winter here, it’s summer in Siberia. At least I think that’s how it works. Plus, they’re in a different time zone.
Ah, you’re the expert. Will we get a chance to shop for some local produce?
Yes, there’s a side trip to buy mushrooms.
Client: “Half a kilogram of mushrooms please, and some pine nuts for me.”
Wacky Woman: “Do you want fries with that?”
Client: “Got poutine?”
Armored combat for the golden prize…
Blog Guy, everybody knows you’ve campaigned against bullfighting and other forms of animal cruelty. It’s safe to say that any event involving animal combat is inhumane, right?
Pretty much, yeah…
Pretty much? What does that mean?
Well, I must admit that now and then I fly over to Singapore to watch the Giant Tortoise Carrot Fights.
Giant Tortoise Carrot Fights?
Yeah, people gather around and two massive giant tortoises go after a carrot.
“Britain’s Prince Charles gestures as he watches a martial arts display…”
Is he REALLY imitating the moves he’s watching or is he about to hide his face from an approaching child screaming “Down with the royalty”?
Prince Charles makes gestures
while children practice kung fu:
He’s a quick learner!
Looking for love? Raise the bar higher!
Blog Guy, I know you are very good at beauty tips. I’m a young woman who would like to meet some guys, and I wonder what I’m doing wrong.
First, you need to figure out the angle that makes your best first impression. Left side, right side, upside-down, whatever. Then, you should…
Excuse me? Upside-down? How would I just casually be upside-down when I meet a guy? And who looks good that way, anyhow?
Never under-estimate the impact of being upside-down. It is playful, yet confusing, and it’s a guy-magnet. That’s why so many women are taking up high jumping.
But don’t just take my word for it. Here, on the right, is a high jumper from Croatia, just looking normal.
Now, look up at the top photo. The very same woman, upside down. Pretty glamorous, huh? Guys are probably lining up with their pickup lines when she hits the ground.
in HS gym class, we were learning how to do flips on the trampoline. I could do a forward flip, but not backward. The gym teacher had her ‘student spotters’ assist me. Guess what? I did a back dive on the trampoline. I still have neck problems!
that last picture brings back a PAINFUL memory 
Welcome to the Barney Fife Pistol Range
Blog Guy, I hope you can help me. My chiropractor’s beekeeper just gave me a 9 mm pistol for Labor Day, and I’m wondering…
Wait. You and your chiropractor’s beekeeper exchange Labor Day gifts?
Yeah, it’s just a little tradition going back to the 2008 Oscars. Anyway, I’d like to use it, but I don’t actually want to fire real bullets. Any ideas?
Sure. I’m the same way. Lots of us love to go to a shooting range but don’t care for the acrid smell of gunpowder or the stigma of hitting innocent bystanders.
You should come with me to this public park where I practice with my unloaded .44 Remington Magnum. Look at these photos of policemen there, holding shooting practice with unloaded guns.
Really? How do they know if they’re getting any better?
This somehow seems like a scene done by Improv Everywhere.
How many floozies live at this address?
Alert readers of this blog will recall my complaints about the U.S. Census last year.
I wrote about their heavy-handed approach, their fixation that my single-family dwelling was actually housing countless lodgers, and their surprise visits looking for an Apartment 2 and Apartment 3 somewhere in my home.
Also, I wasn’t too crazy about the census question asking whether I spend some of my time living in prison instead of here. Shouldn’t the government already KNOW who lives in prison?
But let’s not dwell on that again until 2020. Instead, let’s look at how another country handles it. Hungary, for instance.
It turns out, in Hungary they don’t even WANT to visit every house, kicking in doors and looking for hidden apartments. No, they’re very happy if you’d just fill out the form online. And, to get your attention, they have created a provocative video commercial featuring a topless young woman in red underwear and lacy black stockings, holding a whip.
The woman opens the door to a census taker, who, realizing his timing is bad, offers her the option of completing the census online.
Do the Hungarians use salmon bars as well BG?
Do not disturb us
with your petty questionnaires –
“Population Boost”!
Cocktails with Miss Universe, sir?
Blog Guy, I don’t see how you can cover Miss Universe year after year. It’s so boring, it never changes!
That’s where you’re wrong. Compared with the old days, the modern pageant is much more complex and demanding.
Look at this top photo. Contestants have security drills, learning to leave the stage gracefully in an emergency. These women are being chased by a deranged man with a chainsaw, but they’re just holding on to each other and dancing off the stage. THAT’S poise!
That is impressive. What else do they have to do these days that is so difficult?
Well, here are some good examples. One contestant is selecting the best possible melon, and she will be graded on her choice.
I need to catch up on Monty Python.. but only after I finish with the Hitchhiker…
Seeing Libya, from surface to air!
Blog Guy, I could use some of your famous travel advice. With Libya being in the news lately I’d love to go see it, but I’m concerned about getting around. I’m not even sure how to get there. I’ll be starting my trip in Mexico, so I need to get…
From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli? No problem. Libya is already building up tourism, and offers fast, efficient ways to get from place to place, using the thousands of unused missiles littering the country.
This happy family in the photo above is about to start their Libyan adventure, and they’ll see all the sights while cruising at a brisk 4,500 miles per hour. Sit down and buckle up, kids, we’re ready for takeoff!
That looks neat. Do they let you listen to your iPod on the flight?
Sure thing, but you should turn it on about 20 minutes before takeoff. Otherwise your music won’t catch up with you, what with traveling six times the speed of sound.
I love it when you make science simple, Blog Guy. How about the airports? Is it easy to tell where flights are going?
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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Haha…ladylala, he does actually look a bit like Fidel lol