Blog Guy, I know you sometimes set up fantasy photos and video shots for your readers. Any money left in your 2009 budget for that stuff?

Yeah, maybe $200,000 or so. That’s a lot. What do you want to see?

I’m a forklift freak. I’ve always wondered how it would look if a really inept forklift driver destroyed a whole warehouse full of booze. I mean, I want it REALLY action-packed!

Hmmm. I know a guy in Russia who can set that up, but we’ve only got one shot at it. In your fantasy, what color is the forklift?

Yellow. For sure.

Can the bottles just have colored water in them?

No chance. It has to be booze or it won’t be realistic.

And all the bottles cave in on the forklift driver? That means I’ll need a stunt guy. This is really gonna cost.

Okay, here it is. I hope you love it, because it wiped out the whole rest of my budget. Enjoy.

Wow, I can’t wait! I’m gonna turn the sound all the way up - it’ll be AWESOME!

Er… You wanted sound?

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All de world am sad and dreary,

Ebry where I roam,

Oh! darkies how my heart grows weary,

Far from de old folks at home…

Welcome back to our feature, “What Year is it Again?” in which we take a look at photos and stories that make us think it may still be the 20 century, or the 19th, or maybe even the 15th century.

Here we have photos of Belgium’s royal family visiting what the caption calls a “circus.”

Now, I’m not a huge circus fan anyway, but at least I thought you could still visit the big top without stepping back into a Stephen Foster song and finding a bunch of white dudes in blackface makeup.

Before you ask, yes, I do understand kids from underprivileged families were invited to this “circus,” but the fact that children don’t have money shouldn’t mean they don’t have standards or taste.

I mean, this is the sort of thing you might expect to find at, let’s see, perhaps the Oktoberfest?

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Top: Belgium’s Queen Paola (R) arrives with her grandchildren at the Bouglione Circus in Brussels October 28, 2009. About 1,000 children from underprivileged families were invited to the circus by Bouglione.

Bottom: Queen Paola and Princess Astrid (2nd R) talk with Alexandre Bouglione of the Bouglione Circus at the end of a show. Princess Astrid’s daughters Princesses Laetitia Maria (2nd L) and Louise (3rd R) also attended the show.

REUTERS photos by Thierry Roge

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Blog Guy, I used to love Gene Autry, the Singing Cowboy. Strumming his guitar as he rode along. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.

Well, there is this woman, Deanna Bogart. She plays saxophone, not guitar, okay, and she rides a camel, not a horse.  She just performed in Egypt.

Egypt? Does she sing Autry’s classic, “Back in the Saddle Again?

I’m guessing hers would be something like “Back on the Camel Again.” The lyrics would probably be like:

I’m back on the camel, again,
Back where a friend is a friend,
Oh, the food here often stinks,
And they’ve got this Giant Sphinx,
I’m back on the camel, again…

Blog Guy, I think you’re making up all this crap!

Well, Deanna really did perform in Egypt.

Hold on a minute, Blog Guy. Gene Autry didn’t just sing, he used a gun and shot bad guys. If this sax player is working over in the Middle East, where will the shooting come from?

I’ll give you a few minutes to figure that out, pardner.

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U.S. Blues musician Deanna Bogart rides a camel during a performance at the front of the Pyramids of Giza on the outskirts of Cairo, October 30, 2009. REUTERS/Tarek Mostafa

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Blog Guy, recently your readers voted overwhelmingly that Prince Charles is the coolest world leader. In light of that, can you give us more news about him? Maybe something like that Queen for a Day thing you did on his mother?

I guess so. The problem is, Charles doesn’t seem to do much. We sent a camera out and what we got back was this combo, taken over a span from noon to 6 p.m., showing Charles trying to get comfy for a nap in his Royal Bed.

Wait, Blog Guy. You’re telling us Prince Charles, with his own palace, sleeps in a single bed with no blanket?

Yeah, those so-called “palaces” are really pretty small. They look impressive from the street, but they’re really more like studio apartments.

And he sleeps in his SUIT?

His choice. He says it’s easier than getting dressed and undressed every day. Tuesdays are different, of course.

Why are Tuesdays different?

On Tuesdays, Charles and Camilla get in the carriage and take his suit in for One-Hour Martinizing.

And what does he do for that hour?

He sits in the carriage, of course. What else would he do in his underwear?

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A combination of pictures shows Britain’s Prince Charles trying out a mattress at an organic mattress company in Ammanford in Dyfed, Wales, October 23, 2009. REUTERS/POOL/Arthur Edwards

Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall ride in a carriage after the official greeting of India’s President Pratibha Patil by Queen Elizabeth in Windsor, southern England, October 27, 2009. REUTERS/Toby Melville

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Gather around, fashion show staff, I’ve found a new way to cut costs for the big show. It may be even better than our earlier measures, like using dead models, hiring dog groomers as stylists and raccoons to do makeup…

Now keep an open mind. You all remember that tragedy last year when they held a fashion show in a steam pipe factory, and there was an explosion, and the models ended up with big sections of pipe through their heads?

Well, those plucky gals want to return to modeling, but… How shall I put this? They’re not quite as attractive as models who DON’T have plumbing materials piercing their skulls.

These chicks will work for free, just to get back on the runway, so if we can just design outfits around them we’ll save a fortune!

Lonnie, check into getting the dressing room doors widened a bit for us, okay? Let’s give these poor girls another chance!

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Models present creations by Kazakhstan’s Kenje design house during Kazakhstan Fashion Week in Almaty, October 30, 2009. REUTERS/Shamil Zhumatov

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Blog Guy, I’m outraged. Connect me to your blog’s complaint department!

Hello, this is the Odd Blog Complaint Department. Your call is important to us…

Look here, I think this Basler guy ran a photo of Usain Bolt and a cheetah cub for the SOLE purpose of justifying a cheap pun headline playing off of a hit song from 1966!

I see. And you somehow expected more from this blog?

Yes. Usually Bob would only use a cheetah picture if the animal was pooping or something like that.

Let me get this straight. You’d LIKE to see a photo of a pooping cheetah?

Um, yes. That’s the main reason most of us come to this blog.

Okay then, ma’am. Because we care about customer satisfaction, here you go.

Wow! I AM satisfied. I’ll be back soon, and I’ll bring my friends! Tell Bob thanks a lot!

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Above: Olympic and world champion sprinter Usain Bolt from Jamaica holds a three-month-old male cheetah cub at the Kenya Wildlife Service headquarters in Nairobi, November 2, 2009. Bolt adopted the cheetah cub named “Lightning Bolt” during the launch of the Animal Adoption Programme “Namayiana” at the Nairobi Animal Orphanage.

Below: A cheetah relieves itself in its cage at the KWS headquarters.

REUTERS photos by Thomas Mukoya

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Lamar, the big race starts in less than an hour! Where are the jockeys?

They’re coming, Boss!

Are they ready? Did they prepare for the race?

You betcha, Boss! They spent all night drinking!

That’s good. Drinking alcohol?

Of COURSE alcohol, Boss! What ELSE would you drink before the big race?

Just checkin’, Lamar. And did they wear themselves out?

For sure! They danced non-stop. Can’t even keep their eyes open!

Ah, there they are now, Lamar! I can see ‘em trying to find the stable…

It’s a grand sight, isn’t it, Lamar! On a morning like this, with the sun comin’ up over the puke-filled mud and the jockeys staggerin’ this way in their finery, if you squint just a bit you’d think you’re at the Royal Ascot Races.

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Riders finish a night of drinking alcohol and dancing before a traditional horse race on All Saints Day in Todos Santos, Guatemala, November 1, 2009. REUTERS/Daniel LeClair

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Blog Guy, I really need some dating advice. I’m an attractive young woman but I’m very shy, and when I meet a new man for the first time I just don’t know what to say. Help!

This is a very common problem. Some women find it useful to be holding something in their hand when they first meet a new guy, to help get the conversation started.

You know, something the guy will have to comment on. Do you have anything like that?

Yes! I love my picture of Lenin!

Okay, yes I guess a wallet-size photo of a former Beatle could be a conversation starter.

No, not Lennon! This is Vladimir Lenin. The Communist guy. It is a very nice portrait. I bet you’re right, any young man would admire it!

That’s not exactly what I had in mind. Now, you take this photo on the left, of a fashion model holding something…

I see. And you think that would help me start conversations with men?

Yes. Trust me, even if they are recently deceased.

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Above: A model holds a portrait of Vladimir Lenin, founder of the Soviet state, while presenting a creation by Kazakhstan designer Saltanat Baymukhamedova during Kazakhstan Fashion Week in Almaty, October 31, 2009.

Below: A model presents a creation by Baymukhamedova in Almaty, October 30, 2009.

REUTERS/photos by Shamil Zhumatov

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Hey Blog Guy, I’m takin’ a vacation to Kiev soon, and I need your travel advice. I like to hang out at singles bars. I guess they’re pretty much the same everywhere?

No. In Ukraine, the singles bars are run by women, who make their own rules.

That sounds kind of hot! So what should I expect when I make the bar scene?

Be prepared to reveal as much flesh as possible, and have total strangers judge you like a side of beef. While they’re looking you over they will ask mindless questions, like “What’s your sign?” and “Do you come here often?”

But the chicks will be dressed in sexy outfits too, right?

You still don’t get it. It’s their bar, their rules. They’ll be wearing white lab coats and camouflage trousers.

And stiletto heels?

No, combat boots.

That sounds awful! Why would anybody subject themselves to disgusting treatment like that?

I dunno. It just doesn’t seem fair, does it?

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Medical officers review a conscript at a military training center, the biggest in the former Soviet Union, in the village of Oster, near Kiev, October 29, 2009. REUTERS/Gleb Garanich

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Looking back at my blog’s traffic statistics for October, it was an interesting month.

The five most popular items were divided between guns and freakish fashion.

That’s useful in identifying my demographic, as well as in giving me a good reason to move to Yemen and change my phone number.

For those of you who wager on this information, here you go. And I was happy to see my own favorite make it to Number Four.

Thanks for coming back, and remember, if there are people who really irritate the hell out of you, share this blog with them.

5. Bad practical jokes on guys with guns…

4. A fashion taboo bites the dust…

3. NONE of you brought bullets?

2. Nobody wants to see exposed fashion models!

And the most popular item for October was…

1. Pamela Anderson and her little dress child…

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Actress Pamela Anderson poses at the 6th Annual Hollywood Style awards in Los Angeles, October 11, 2009. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

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