Blog Guy, my friends and I don’t think there has been enough coverage of the whole Angelina Jolie twins thing, over in Nice. That’s in France, you know. Can you answer some questions for us?

I’ll sure get what I can for you from our recent photo file.

Great. What kind of hat does Brad Pitt wear?

Um, it’s a white one, I guess maybe you’d call it a fedora? Here’s a photo of it on his head.

That settles that. And this hospital where she gave birth. Who’s in charge there?

A director. You can see him here in the middle photo.

Fascinating! And this hospital, does it have a parking garage entrance?

Yep. Picture on the right.

Thanks, you’re doing great. Now this hospital director, does he have a niece?

I get it. A niece in Nice? I don’t think you really need to know that, so I’m not running her picture.

Slideshow of even less important Jolie stuff

REUTERS photos by Chris Serrano

Blog Guy, why don’t designers ever give us a chance to dress like great women of the past, evoking the glamour of bygone days? 

You should check out some creations from a recent haute couture show in Paris. One, called the Mother Teresa, makes the natural connection between a saintly  woman who worked with the poor of the Earth, and, you know, super-rich chicks with a fortune to spend on designer dresses.

Did they offer anything else for those of us who may not be on the path to sainthood?

Yes, there was also one outfit named after a celebrated 19th century novelist who dressed like a a man and called herself George Sand. 

I see. Let’s go back to the Mother Teresa one, then. How would that look with my patent Jimmy Choo pumps?

Models wear outfits called Mother Teresa (R) and George Sand (L)  during French designer Franck Sorbier’s Autumn/Winter 2008-2009 Haute Couture fashion presentation in Paris, July 1, 2008. REUTERS/Philippe Wojazer 

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Goodness gracious, now I’ve done it! I should have stayed with the tour, but no, I knew better!

So I guess this place must be one of those gigolo bars. Sheesh, every man in here is dressed better than I am. They all have those fancy things on their shoulders like they’re colonels or something, but I bet they’re not. They even have CAPES for cripes sake, and here I am in a plain dress!

They all look so smarmy, but they’d be offended if I left without an escort. I’ve gotta break the ice. How do you suppose you say “Do you want some flan?” in Spanish?

French bullfighter Juan Bautista (2nd R) waits for the start of the fourth bullfight of the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, Spain, July 10, 2008. REUTERS/Susana Vera

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Daddy, your little girl has big news! I’ve met Mr. Right, and after a whirlwind romance, we got married!

Ming is already in show business, sort of, but he plans to be either a TV news anchor or maybe a dermatologist. 

Now Daddy, I want you to keep an open mind about one little thing, because I know how you can be. So I’m just going to be up-front about his only imperfection, okay?

Well, here goes. Ming smokes. Whew! I feel better already!

More about  tattoos

Tattoo enthusiast Liu Ming smokes while taking a break from a tattoo session at a shop in Beijing July 10, 2008.  REUTERS/Claro Cortes IV

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Chad Ruble, our collector of bizarre video clips, continues on the rampage he began when he got his modern new studio in stately Times Square.

Today, he reminisces about high school burping, discusses “free kick in the groin day” and unveils his new line of t-shirts.

And his usual great video tales now come to you in life-like color!

Here’s Chad and here is Chad’s And Finally archive…

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Hey Blog Guy, last month some dude wrote in about a rumored conspiracy involving prominent newsmakers who communicate with each other through a secret hand gesture language. You said that wasn’t true.

Well, the rumors are growing, and we think the plot could go all the way to  the top. Yes, I mean George Clooney! The news media are aiding the conspirators, by running photos of the gestures so these people can’t be linked by phone calls and meetings.

Calm down. You obviously know nothing about the news media. What you’re suggesting would have to involve someone with a global audience who is so easily duped that he wouldn’t notice a consistent pattern. That would border on the moronic, wouldn’t it?

George Bush: REUTERS photo by Michael Dalder

George Clooney: REUTERS photo by Jason Reed

John McCain: REUTERS photo by Brian Snyder

Tony Blair: REUTERS photo by Kim Kyung-Hoon

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Dear Mama and Papa Bull, it’s exciting here in Pamplona! I can sure see why us bulls love the annual Running of the Tourists!

I feel a little guilty, though. Face it. If these people had any brains they wouldn’t be out jogging with huge honking bulls. Then they drink gallons of wine, just to give us even more of an edge!

Yesterday I suddenly just sat down, Ferdinand-style, and that really confused them. I sneered at this guy in a red shirt, and I think he soiled his pants right there!

The trick is to poke and toss the tourists just for fun, but not hurt ‘em enough to get into trouble. Today we might just squash the whole bunch of them, then go for paella. I tell you, it’s just a shame we don’t know which ones are studying to be matadors!

More stuff about bullfighting

Above: Runner falls on top of a bull during the running of the bulls in Pamplona, July 9, 2008. REUTERS/ Susana Vera

Below: Bull stops in the middle of the street in Pamplona,  Spain, July 9, 2008.  REUTERS/ Joseba Etxaburu

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Who knew that furniture should have warning labels sort of like the ones they put on cigarettes? We have a story about a wife who was angry at her husband for being drunk and refusing to get up from their folding couch. She kicked the handle, activating the mechanism which, well, killed him. 

When death happens, you like to think it won’t be in such an embarrassing way that some jerky humor blogger will use it.  So how will they write this poor guy’s obit to retain some measure of dignity?

I’ve thought about this, and I’ve told my wife that in the event I die a similar fold-out sofa-related death, here’s what she may truthfully tell our friends: “Oh, Bob died in his convertible!”

A sofa sort of like this, but not with actress Tina Fey on  it. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

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Blog Guy, I read your post about the G8 Summit yesterday. I heard that two of the leaders did a famous comedy routine. Could that be true?

Sort of. President Bush tried to teach a variation of the famous Abbott and Costello ”Who’s on first?” sketch to China’s President Hu. But when they did the bit live, Bush asked, ”Who’s on first?” and Hu just said “I am?” It went downhill from there.

Actually, the big hit at G8 Comedy Sketch Night was French President Sarkozy trying to do a fist bump with Brazil’s president. It brought down the house.

French President Nicolas Sarkozy (L) welcomes Brazil’s President Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva to a photo opportunity at the G8 Summit in Toyako, Japan, July 9, 2008.  

U.S. President George W. Bush laughs with Chinese President Hu Jintao at the Summit, July 9, 2008. 

REUTERS photos by Jim Young

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Readers of this blog know I worry a lot about a recent tendency to do unnecessary remakes of great movies. I just don’t see why we need a new version of  The Great Escape, The Birds and other true classics.  

So here we go again, with a cheesy remake of the iconic Chinatown. Below is a studio still photo from the remake, showing the memorable scene of private eye Jake Gittes with his nose freshly slit open by a knife. 

I don’t even know who this actor is in the remake, but he’s no Jack Nicholson, and his ”blood” looks like it was put on him with a cake decorator. 

Meanwhile, there’s no word yet on which actress has the crucial Fay Dunaway role of daughter…slap…sister…slap…daughter…slap… sister…

Above: Original Chinatown publicity photo

Below: Model displays a creation from Travis Li’s Spring/Summer 2008 collection during Hong Kong Fashion Week July 8, 2008. REUTERS/Victor Fraile

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