Okay gang, you all know the deal. We’ve actually persuaded Prince Charles to endorse our brand of coffee for a TV commercial!

Yeah, he said it’s only Canada so nobody will see it anywhere important, and he can use a few extra bucks.

It’s a real advertising coup, but we only get one take, so it has to be perfect the first time.

Now, the prince is going to just be walking along doing prince stuff, and ask for a cup of our coffee. He’ll try it, and then give us a big smile of delight.

Oh my God! This is our one take? This is supposed to make people buy this crap?

Well, we’ve paid for it so we have to use it, but at least edit out that last few seconds where he drops to his knees and spews his lunch on the crowd.

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Britain’s Prince Charles samples naturally grown coffee in traditional farmer’s market, at the Evergreen Brick Works Restoration site, in Toronto November 6, 2009. REUTERS/Fred Thornhill

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May I see some photo ID, Mr. Johnson? Hmmm. Well, I guess that’s close enough.

Did you pack all your own luggage today, Mr. Johnson? Did anyone give you anything suspicious? Nope? Great!

Okey-dokey. I’m gonna give you an aisle seat because this is a small plane, and well, other passengers might beat you to death in a window seat.

What line of work are you in? Selling homemade lunch meat door-to-door, huh? Well, folks are always gonna need lunchmeat, right?

Here’s your boarding pass, and you have a good one! Is that Mrs. Johnson I see coming this way? Oh, just call it a hunch….

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Left: A model displays a creation by designer Ekaterina Krivosheina during an international avantgarde fashion contest at the University of Technology and Design in St. Petersburg, Russia, November 5, 2009.

Right: A model displays a creation by designer Elena Sukhodoeva during the St. Petersburg show.

REUTERS photos by Alexander Demianchuk

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Presidential haircuts are a time-honored tradition in this country, and today’s students don’t know how lucky they are to deal with a five-letter name.

Why, in my day, I didn’t think my hair would ever grow back from my John Fitzgerald Kennedy cut, which I unfortunately got a week before the assassination.

And don’t even get my grampa started on his President Franklin Delano Roosevelt haircut. Suffice it to say the last three letters actually had to be carved into his cheek, and never went away.

And speakin’ of the old days, did I ever tell you kids about the time….

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A student with an “Obama” haircut at Wright Middle School in Madison, Wisconsin, listens to U.S. President Barack Obama speak as he visits the area, November 4, 2009.   REUTERS/ Larry Downing

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But today, it looks like he’s upset about something.

The fighting CEOs? The pasta bridge? The Love Truck?

You’d better watch now, before he blows completely.

Here’s Chad and here is Chad’s Archive…

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Blog Guy, I just read a great Travel and Leisure magazine article titled “Top Travel Websites of 2009,” and do you KNOW what I found?

Yes. My blog is mentioned there, and by the magazine’s Executive Editor, no less.

Well Bob, don’t get me wrong, and congratulations, but… What would happen if people planned a vacation using YOUR blog?

My lawyer says they would have a pretty good legal case against me. But if you think about it, I have a TRAVEL tag, and offer a veritable cesspool of useful travel information you won’t find anywhere else.

I’ve exposed the so-called gyrocopter, bad budget airlines in Tibet and other cheap flight plans. I’ve written about the most important travel concern of all, foreign toilets.

I’ve tipped off readers to spots they might never know about, like the statue to enemas, the penis museum of Iceland, Zebra Land, the “other” Taj Mahal, travel packages to Hannibal Lecter’s hometown….

Heck, I’ve even warned you about the Hell on Earth list.

For foodies, I’ve covered bull’s penis and testicles in Bolivia, the blood soup bistro in Vietnam, South Korean shrimp cracker snacks, and that little place where the head chef makes, well, heads…

Since it seems to be an important factor for lots of my readers, I’ve even offered lists of travel spots where they’re sure not to run into ME, like the You Must be Joking tourist site and the Don’t Wait for me out on the Ledge destination…

And for anyone who STILL doubts my contribution to contemporary travel, five words: Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop!

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Obscure headline reference: 1950s TV show “Have Gun Will Travel“

Photos: Bikinis on an Australian beach, the gyrocopter, and riding in Hefei…

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Blog Guy, what do you think of the huge musical news for this season?

It’s amazing, huh?

I’ll say! Who ever would have thought, a Bob Dylan Christmas CD!

Oh, that. I thought you were talking about those European soccer coaches recording all the great Righteous Brothers hits - “Unchained Melody,” “You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’,” etc… Those coaches can really belt it out.

Soccer coaches? Righteous Brothers? This is just too stupid, even for you!

Fine, but I’ve already pre-ordered mine. It’s a tribute to Phil Spector, the Righteous Brothers’ legendary producer who of course is now in prison for murder.

I’m sure I’ll regret this. I already do. What’s this Spector tribute CD called?

“Chained Melody,” of course.

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Top: FC Zurich’s coach Bernard Challandes reacts at the end of their Champions League soccer match against Olympique Marseille at the Velodrome Stadium in Marseille, November 3, 2009. REUTERS/Philippe Laurenson

Combo: Assorted soccer coaches and managers. REUTERS photos

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Yeah, maybe $200,000 or so. That’s a lot. What do you want to see?

I’m a forklift freak. I’ve always wondered how it would look if a really inept forklift driver destroyed a whole warehouse full of booze. I mean, I want it REALLY action-packed!

Hmmm. I know a guy in Russia who can set that up, but we’ve only got one shot at it. In your fantasy, what color is the forklift?

Yellow. For sure.

Can the bottles just have colored water in them?

No chance. It has to be booze or it won’t be realistic.

And all the bottles cave in on the forklift driver? That means I’ll need a stunt guy. This is really gonna cost.

Okay, here it is. I hope you love it, because it wiped out the whole rest of my budget. Enjoy.

Wow, I can’t wait! I’m gonna turn the sound all the way up - it’ll be AWESOME!

Er… You wanted sound?

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Welcome back to our feature, “What Year is it Again?” in which we take a look at photos and stories that make us think it may still be the 20 century, or the 19th, or maybe even the 15th century.

Here we have photos of Belgium’s royal family visiting what the caption calls a “circus.”

Now, I’m not a huge circus fan anyway, but at least I thought you could still visit the big top without stepping back into a Stephen Foster song and finding a bunch of white dudes in blackface makeup.

Before you ask, yes, I do understand kids from underprivileged families were invited to this “circus,” but the fact that children don’t have money shouldn’t mean they don’t have standards or taste.

I mean, this is the sort of thing you might expect to find at, let’s see, perhaps the Oktoberfest?

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Top: Belgium’s Queen Paola (R) arrives with her grandchildren at the Bouglione Circus in Brussels October 28, 2009. About 1,000 children from underprivileged families were invited to the circus by Bouglione.

Bottom: Queen Paola and Princess Astrid (2nd R) talk with Alexandre Bouglione of the Bouglione Circus at the end of a show. Princess Astrid’s daughters Princesses Laetitia Maria (2nd L) and Louise (3rd R) also attended the show.

REUTERS photos by Thierry Roge

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Blog Guy, I used to love Gene Autry, the Singing Cowboy. Strumming his guitar as he rode along. They don’t make ‘em like that anymore.

Well, there is this woman, Deanna Bogart. She plays saxophone, not guitar, okay, and she rides a camel, not a horse.  She just performed in Egypt.

Egypt? Does she sing Autry’s classic, “Back in the Saddle Again?

I’m guessing hers would be something like “Back on the Camel Again.” The lyrics would probably be like:

I’m back on the camel, again,
Back where a friend is a friend,
Oh, the food here often stinks,
And they’ve got this Giant Sphinx,
I’m back on the camel, again…

Blog Guy, I think you’re making up all this crap!

Well, Deanna really did perform in Egypt.

Hold on a minute, Blog Guy. Gene Autry didn’t just sing, he used a gun and shot bad guys. If this sax player is working over in the Middle East, where will the shooting come from?

I’ll give you a few minutes to figure that out, pardner.

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U.S. Blues musician Deanna Bogart rides a camel during a performance at the front of the Pyramids of Giza on the outskirts of Cairo, October 30, 2009. REUTERS/Tarek Mostafa

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I guess so. The problem is, Charles doesn’t seem to do much. We sent a camera out and what we got back was this combo, taken over a span from noon to 6 p.m., showing Charles trying to get comfy for a nap in his Royal Bed.

Wait, Blog Guy. You’re telling us Prince Charles, with his own palace, sleeps in a single bed with no blanket?

Yeah, those so-called “palaces” are really pretty small. They look impressive from the street, but they’re really more like studio apartments.

And he sleeps in his SUIT?

His choice. He says it’s easier than getting dressed and undressed every day. Tuesdays are different, of course.

Why are Tuesdays different?

On Tuesdays, Charles and Camilla get in the carriage and take his suit in for One-Hour Martinizing.

And what does he do for that hour?

He sits in the carriage, of course. What else would he do in his underwear?

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A combination of pictures shows Britain’s Prince Charles trying out a mattress at an organic mattress company in Ammanford in Dyfed, Wales, October 23, 2009. REUTERS/POOL/Arthur Edwards

Charles and Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall ride in a carriage after the official greeting of India’s President Pratibha Patil by Queen Elizabeth in Windsor, southern England, October 27, 2009. REUTERS/Toby Melville

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