Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Peel faster if you wanna be president!

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Blog Guy, I’ve been trying to get a job in the exciting outdoor food service industry, and there aren’t any. Do you know why?

Of course. Politicians and celebrities are taking all of them.

Yes! That’s what happened to me! I tried getting work peeling potatoes in Ireland, and they gave the position to a presidential candidate, instead!

Sadly, it’s happening everywhere. Penny-pinching owners of public food stalls are finding VIPs more than willing to do the work, without even having to get pesky health department certifications and stuff like that.

Look at these photos. Sarah Palin serving hot dogs, Kate Middleton flipping pancakes…

Where’s the stylus for my new iPhone?

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So, Blog Guy! I guess for top gadget writers like yourself, this is a HUGE day!

Of course. Give me a hint. The new Williams-Sonoma catalog?

No! The new Apple iPhone 4S. Surely you have one and you’ve already played with it?

Oh, um, sure! I went over at 7 a.m. today but the line was very long, so I bought one from a guy outside. My staff and I are testing it now.

We’ll always, always, always have Paris…

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Blog Guy, it’s been TWO WEEKS since you’ve shown us fresh pictures of Paris Hilton! Are there no cameras left for her to stand in front of? Is something wrong? Should we prepare for bad news?

Calm down, she’s still posing. Here she is at the opening of a shopping center this week, in Poland.

Have another round? No, I mean drinks!

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Blog Guy, I need some of your great advice on home entertaining.

Is it something that can be solved by a fancy Williams-Sonoma gadget?

Not this time. I’ve invited some of those anti-Gaddafi soldiers over for a home- cooked dinner, and I’m wondering if there’s anything special I should know. We’ll start with pre-dinner drinks in the living room.

That sounds lovely. Make sure they have a clear line of fire.

Excuse me? Clear line of fire?

You know, they’ll want to use your sofa’s arm rest for their assault weapons, so you should only put one fighter on each piece of furniture.

It takes lots of plastic to be the Man of Steel

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Blog Guy, who’s your favorite superhero? Mine is Superman. I love the whole story of being sent here in a rocket from the planet Krypton by his scientist father, Jor-El, and how he….

Right! I love that, too. And the rocket landing in the Philippines, and…

Er, no, he was raised by the kindly Kents, and…

And then he disguised himself by…

By wearing a business suit and a snap-brim hat and glasses, and…

No, by having plastic surgery on his nose, cheeks, lips, chin and thighs, and changed his skin color, and…

What’s wrong with this picture?

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Blog Guy, I’ve been seeing photos of well-armed rebels in Yemen in recent days, and I notice a lot of swollen cheeks. Are those plucky lads in need of major dental care?

No, don’t worry about that. These guys are just getting stoned on a leaf called qat.

Great mooseum! I’ll be back!

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Blog Guy, I need some of your famous travel advice. I love visiting the childhood homes of great people, to see where they got their start.

I’ve been to Mark Twain’s home in Hannibal, Missouri, the house where Louisa May Alcott grew up in Concord, Massachusetts, Reverend Martin Luther King’s birth home, in Atlanta…

Maybe the worst idea EVER?

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People ask me where I get all the stupid stuff in this blog, and I have to say, honestly, the best of it is straight out of the news.

Here’s an example. According to an Associated Press story, officials in Georgia are considering saving money by putting prisoners in fire stations.

Who’s the cutest one of all?

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I’m going to do something a little different today.

There is this writer named Bart King, whose job is almost as much fun as mine. He turns out books with titles like “Big Book of Gross Stuff” and “Pocket Guide to Mischief.”

His latest one, called “Cute! A Guide to All Things Adorable,” has just been published, and I enjoyed it very much. Bart offers clever insight into what makes things seem cute, and why.

Well, look who’s behind bars!

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Blog Guy, I know you cover all the big fashion shows, and my sister-in-law’s ventriloquist told me there were some HUGE celebs at Lisbon Fashion Week this year. Can you give us some names?

I can do much better than that, I can show you pictures. Here is you-know-who, above, making a very rare public appearance…