Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

What year is it again?

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Welcome back to a regular feature we call, “What Year is it Again?” in which we relate true events that make us question whether we’ve gone back in time for decades, maybe even centuries.

For instance, I was looking at a very nice photo series about guide dogs in Peru, but I noticed the captions said that shops, banks and buses don’t allow blind people to enter with their guide dogs.

Thinking this must be some mistake, because my smart phone tells me we’re living in the year 2011, I checked further.

Our photographer told me that indeed, guide dogs are a new phenomenon in Peru. So naturally, instead of checking in with other countries that have used these amazing animals forever, the locals just made rules against them. I guess that’s a lot easier.

Meet the Duchess of Holiday Weekends

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Blog Guy, it’s me, the guy you got hooked on photos of that duchess

I guess that narrows it down to about nine million guys.

I need fresh pictures, but the last time I asked, you gave me a duchess made of butter and a chick with gross fingernails. So this time, I’ll be clearer.

No names, please.

Okay, um, she’s a duchess, she got married recently and she’s a member of a royal family… Is that enough for you to go on?

Get a grip, models!

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Lamar, we’ve got another expensive fashion show to put on today, and our label is in the toilet. Have you found any more ways to save money? We just can’t afford a first class runway production.

Relax, Boss, I’m saving us a fortune.

Bless you, Lamar! How did you do it this time?

By not renting backstage dressing rooms for the models. You can’t imagine how much that saves!

Lemme just hack away at this gizmo…

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Blog Guy, I’m looking for a new career and I know your advice is the best. I picked up a colorful brochure called, “The Exciting World of Battlefield Rocket Repair,” and I was wondering if you think that’s a good way to go?

That brochure is really making the rounds, isn’t it? I hear from lots of young people, captivated by the opening lines, “Hey, have you always wanted to see Libya?”

Sizzling hot fashions from a cold planet

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Blog Guy, I have a complaint.

Like many of your readers, I mostly come here for news about fashion on the planet Neptune, but you haven’t had any since last February. Back then, you said fashion photos from the Hubble Telescope showed krunkwads were getting longer for the next season.

Now, what news on the Rialto?

Wait a minute, Ace. That Rialto thing is just a line from “The Merchant of Venice.”

Come back, Sarah, it’s not too late!

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Blog Guy, you look pretty upset. What’s wrong?

Are you kidding me? It’s the race for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. All the potential fun is evaporating before my eyes!

What do you mean?

I still can’t believe it. Sarah Palin now says she’s not running!

Two days ago, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie opted not to run. Donald Trump flirted with a bid, then dropped out.

The food is greasy, but your hair is great!

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Blog Guy, I need some advice on home entertaining, and I know you’re an expert. Can you help me with some nagging problems?

Sure, what can I do for you?

Well, we have some friends coming to dinner soon, but it falls on the same day of the month that I wash my hair! I can’t figure a way out of this one.

More jumbo gumbo, Mr. President?

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Blog Guy, have you seen that amazing new book about former first lady Jacqueline Kennedy, the one taken from hours of taped interviews with her just months after her husband was assassinated?

I have, indeed. It’s a must-read for anyone who likes fish soup.

Excuse me? Are we talking about the same book?

Sure. I’m not even finished with it, and already I’m struck by her vivid chowder memories of Jack Kennedy:

Look, up in the sky, Joe!

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“Jeez, Joe, what are you doing with those aviator shades? You think you’re Tom Cruise, or what? Take those things off!”

“Put a sock in it, Mr. President. I look SO cool in these babies!”

“Good Lord, Joe. Look, I’m covering my face with a hanky, so folks can’t see me laughing!”

Creepy gets a whole lot creepier

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Okay, this story is so disturbing I’m not sure where to begin.

A city in Turkey has equipped the local morgue with the latest gadgetry in case any of the bodies stored there have been declared dead by mistake.

It seems alarms and motion detectors in the mortuary will detect the slightest movement if one of the bodies emerges from a coma or unconsciousness.