Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

It’s even more magical than I remembered!

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Sure, Doctor, I had a great childhood! I did all the usual stuff. Why do you ask?

It’s just a routine question we ask in therapy, Blog Guy. What is your very best memory of your early childhood back in Indianapolis?

Well, for a big treat, our folks would take me and my sister to Lamar’s Fun-o-Rama and House o’ Horrors! It was every child’s dream come true.

Good, Blog Guy. Now close your eyes and tell me more about Lamar’s. What do you see?

Class, get out your rulers…

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Blog Guy, I’ve heard that the British Royal Family isn’t very well educated. That’s hard to believe, what with being the land of Shakespeare and everything.

Well, it turns out that when you spend all day changing into different costumes and hats and jewelry and stuff, your education can be neglected.

Great science projects for your family…

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Blog Guy, my daughter, Julie, has to do a school project involving transportation. We were thinking about making a little cardboard sled.

A cardboard sled? Are you a chump? Don’t you care about getting little Julie into a decent college?

Drive slower, Ma, you can’t see over the mushrooms!

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Blog Guy, I’ve signed up for one of your tours to Krasnoyarsk, that Siberian city you call Wackytown. I’m very excited!

Cool! Which tour will you be joining?

It’s your “Sunny Siberia Beach Holiday,” in December. You’re positive we’ll have lots of warm beach weather in December?

Armored combat for the golden prize…

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Blog Guy, everybody knows you’ve campaigned against bullfighting and other forms of animal cruelty. It’s safe to say that any event involving animal combat is inhumane, right?

Pretty much, yeah…

Pretty much? What does that mean?

Well, I must admit that now and then I fly over to Singapore to watch the Giant Tortoise Carrot Fights.

Looking for love? Raise the bar higher!

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Blog Guy, I know you are very good at beauty tips. I’m a young woman who would like to meet some guys, and I wonder what I’m doing wrong.

First, you need to figure out the angle that makes your best first impression. Left side, right side, upside-down, whatever. Then, you should…

Welcome to the Barney Fife Pistol Range

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Blog Guy, I hope you can help me. My chiropractor’s beekeeper just gave me a 9 mm pistol for Labor Day, and I’m wondering…

Wait. You and your chiropractor’s beekeeper exchange Labor Day gifts?

Yeah, it’s just a little tradition going back to the 2008 Oscars. Anyway, I’d like to use it, but I don’t actually want to fire real bullets. Any ideas?

How many floozies live at this address?

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Alert readers of  this blog will recall my complaints about the U.S. Census last year.

I wrote about their heavy-handed approach, their fixation that my single-family dwelling was actually housing countless lodgers, and their surprise visits looking for an Apartment 2 and Apartment 3 somewhere in my home.

Cocktails with Miss Universe, sir?

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Blog Guy, I don’t see how you can cover Miss Universe year after year. It’s so boring, it never changes!

That’s where you’re wrong. Compared with the old days, the modern pageant is much more complex and demanding.

Seeing Libya, from surface to air!

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Blog Guy, I could use some of your famous travel advice. With Libya being in the news lately I’d love to go see it, but I’m concerned about getting around. I’m not even sure how to get there. I’ll be starting my trip in Mexico, so I need to get…

From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli? No problem. Libya is already building up tourism, and offers fast, efficient ways to get from place to place, using the thousands of  unused missiles littering the country.