Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

It’s just like in the disaster movies!

Photo
-

Boss, can you hear me? It’s me, Johnson! Oh, it’s still night-time in LA? Sorry to wake you up, but I’ve got great news!

You remember you sent me to scout around for the next big “King Kong” sort of movie?

Well, I’m here in the Philippines, of all places…. They’ve “captured” this huge honking 21-foot-long crocodile which has already attacked several people.

Get some film crews out here right away, Boss, I have a feeling this one is gonna pop soon. I’m watching ‘em right now, moving the “captured” croc.

Stake Night on the Vampire Cruise?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, I know you’re a travel expert, and I need some advice. I am a vampire. I would like to go someplace where I don’t feel, you know, different.

Maybe I can help. I just saw a story saying hundreds of vampire enthusiasts are planning a vacation cruise on the the Zuiderdam, tailored to their interests. It’s called “Vamps at Sea.” Maybe you should try it.

She’s the Darjeeling of the Tea Party?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, I see Sarah Palin, the possible future former potential presidential candidate, spoke at a Tea Party gathering over the weekend. I’m not sure I get the whole Tea Party thing. Wasn’t the 1773 Boston Tea Party a protest against being taxed by people we didn’t elect, and don’t Americans now get to elect their lawmakers?

That’s generally true, although for example, I don’t get to elect them.

Get out your dimes, it’s midnight!

Photo
-

Blog Guy, if my calendar is correct, you’ve got a major event coming up?

Yes, the celebrated Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, here in Washington DC, is ready to launch our big new season the day after Labor Day.

I just don’t understand that. I always thought the big tourist season is in the summer.

The duchess, the chimp and the corn dog

Photo
-


This blog’s August statistics are in, and once again, patterns are starting to form which will allow me to do a better job of reaching my audience. It’s all in knowing how to read the results.

Of the 10 most popular items, two were about politicians eating corn dogs, three involved very cute animals and two more featured Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge.

Repeat after me, “Fill the bag with money!”

Photo
-

Blog Guy, you know that odd city in Siberia that you call Wackytown? I’d like to visit it on one of your organized tours, but I’m wondering how many people there speak English?

You’re talking about Krasnoyarsk. I do know they do have English Language classes at a high security prison camp.

Are those Tic Tacs, or you got a rattlesnake in your pants?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, I’m looking for some of your sage career advice. I enjoy travel, working with animals, and maybe a little danger. Any ideas?

Have you considered the glamorous world of snake smuggling?

No, I haven’t. What does that involve?

The usual. Ladies’ hosiery, probably some duct tape, and, you know, snakes.

Eating healthy for peanuts?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, so we’ve established that you lost some weight recently. I found your health tips helpful, but could you be more specific about what you ate?

Sure. I ate everything with a pulse.

So you went on an all-meat diet?

No, no, I mean pulse as in the edible seeds of certain legumes. Peas, beans, lentils, peanuts. VERY healthful stuff.

A sport that needs no urine test…

Photo
-

Blog Guy, you used to do a better job of covering really stupid sports. Isn’t that still a part of your beat?

Indeed. Have a look at the recent “Race of Beer,” down in Brazil. It’s a 1.2 mile race in which runners carry 12 cans of beer each. The goal is to cross the finish line with the cans empty. It turns out…

You’ve been upgraded to Gaddafi Class!

Photo
-

Blog Guy, I saw some photos of fugitive strongman Muammar Gaddafi’s private plane, taken at an airport in Tripoli. I’m surprised you didn’t blog about it.

Look, there’s something of a conflict of interest here. As you may have noticed, the plane was a Basler BT-70, built by “my company” for Gaddafi.