Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

So that’s basic cable, huh?

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Lamar, we are very eager to see the new cable car system you’ve designed for our highest mountain, nearly 10,000 feet. May we take off the blindfolds now?

Absolutely. If you look through your binoculars toward Zugspitze, you’ll see the sleek, shiny cable cars of…

Excuse me, Lamar, it doesn’t look like there’s anyone inside that cable car. My GOD, there are people on TOP of it!

That’s right. That way, there’s a much better view and they can breathe in the mountain air.

Why is our waitress twirling a baton?

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Blog Guy, I love going out to restaurants, but I enjoy being surrounded by beautiful women. I find standards are falling in that area lately.

You don’t sound like a terribly evolved person.

No, I’m as shallow as they come. So is there someplace I can go where my sensitivities won’t be offended?

Who has the worst taste on earth?

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Knock-knock! Hello, are you Aisha, the daughter of fugitive strongman Muammar Gaddafi?

Who wants to know?

I believe I’m expected. I’m Lamar, the writer from “Extremely Poor Taste” magazine. I’m here for a tour of your home.

It’s not even like gambling at all…

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Blog Guy, I have some extra money this month and I was thinking of trying that online gambling thing. Do you know how it works?

Why sure, you came to the right place. Let’s start with online poker.

Okie-dokie.

I’m dealing each of us a hand right now. Let’s see. You got a pair of queens.

Eugene, please have a seat…

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Say, Blog Guy, I’ve been wondering about that guy who’s sort of a living legend in your blog. You know who I mean.

Of course. You’re talking about none other than Eugene “Toilethead” Johnson.

Scottish zombies get silly in Philly?

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Blog Guy, I saw a bunch of photos of a zombie movie being made, with Brad Pitt, and it looked like it was in Philadelphia.

So?

But I live in Philly, and I haven’t seen any film activity here. What’s up?

Duchess, the sun never sets on the British vampire…

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I’ll admit I was skeptical when I saw photos of the cast of yet another TV movie about Prince William and Kate Middleton. Did we really need this? I mean, I guess maybe if they found a dead ringer to play Kate… Nope, that’s not it…

Let’s see, according to IMDB, the movie was shot in ROMANIA? Huh? Well, that’s different. Now I get it! These clever folks have added an element of horror to the story:

Can YOU pass the Budapest Test?

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Blog Guy, I know you have a background in education. What is the most widely accepted test to identify people with extremely low IQs?

The standard practice is just to look for people who wear baseball caps backwards. It’s foolproof, so to speak.

Do you recognize this candidate?

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Blog Guy, I come to you for all my news about the 2012 presidential race.

Please explain this sentence from a Reuters story about a debate: “But Bachmann, Cain, Gingrich, former Senator Rick Santorum, Representative Thaddeus McCotter and former New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson all participated from sites across the country.”

What’s wrong with it?

Who the hell is Gary Johnson? Is he a candidate?

Ah. Good point. I don’t think so. I just Googled “Gary Johnson” and “corn dog” and didn’t get any matches.

So, Doc, is it a boy or a girl?

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Blog Guy, I’ve heard our elected officials don’t earn much, and they have to find ways to supplement their income. Is that true?

Uh-oh, I suppose you’re going to ask me about former vice president Spiro T. Agnew, right?