Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

This restroom ain’t for resting, pal…

Photo
-

Blog Guy, last year you wrote about a business that was putting timers in their toilets, so that the lights would turn off after 10 minutes, even if the employees weren’t finished.

I wondered if anybody else is experimenting with ways to get people to spend less time in the bathroom?

Yes, a number of researchers are looking into eliminating waste in the area of eliminating waste.

The focus is on making the bathroom experience so unpleasant that folks just want to get the hell out of there as fast as they can.

Hey! You want a piece of Joe?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, it’s been a while since you wrote about those Government Death Panels that Sarah Palin warned us about. I suppose you’ve been frightened off the story, like the rest of the media?

No way. I’ve just been undercover, learning about the organizational structure of the panels.

Look, Honey, a free vacation cruise!

Photo
-

We may have hit the acme of absurdity. We should plant our flag and turn back.

Let me explain. I work at home, and I am interrupted daily by automated calls trying  to fool me in some way. I don’t believe it should be legal to intrude on privacy like this, but I don’t make the laws.

Last week, I answered a robotic call and heard, “Congratulations! This household has been selected to receive an absolutely free vacation cruise! Press one for more information, or two to be taken off the list.”

Mystery brunette with Prince William?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, I’m confused. I was walking past a toy shop in London and I saw a doll that looked like Prince William.

He was packaged with a female doll dressed as a bride. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place her.

You’ll have to wrestle me for the check

Photo
-

Well, Lamar, I have to tell you I’m excited. It was a big decision putting you totally in charge of every aspect of our new restaurant. Millions of dollars are riding on this, but I thought you deserved your chance.

Gee, thanks, Boss. I think you’ll be very glad you did.

So, talk me through it. Looks like the opening day lunch crowd is starting to arrive at Lamar’s.

Signs that you made a dumb career move

Photo
-

Blog Guy, your career advice is very useful, especially your tips on possible indicators that we may have taken the wrong career path at some point. Thanks to your last one, my brother got out of the bee-wearing profession.

Thanks. Here’s a tip that a surprising number of young urban professionals tend to overlook, what with their busy schedules.

See ya later, crocodile!

Photo
-

Mr. Johnson, we’re here to apply for one of those “Zoo Performer” jobs you advertised. Can you tell us a little about what we’d have to do?

Sure thing, Chris. You stick your head in a crocodile’s mouth for the amusement of zoo visitors.

Obama’s golden opportunity?

Photo
-

Okay staff, we all know we’ve got a problem. The president isn’t as popular as he used to be. His numbers are down, and the Republicans are slinging mud. Anybody got an idea?

Uh, could he save a small child from a burning runaway freight train, Boss?

Hmmmm. Not bad, Lamar, but he’s done that twice already. I think he needs something different this time.

If it ain’t broke, don’t call us…

Photo
-

Hello, thank you for calling Lamar’s Fix-It and Fried Okra Shop. How may I direct your call?

What do you mean direct my call? You have different departments?

No, just the fried okra and repair thing. You know our motto, “If it ain’t broke, we’ll pretend to fix it anyway.”

Abe! How’s life at your Gettysburg address?

Photo
-

Blog Guy, is it just me, or am I seeing lots of photos of Abraham Lincoln in the news these days?

Yes, I’ve noticed it, too. Most recently with presidential candidate Michele Bachmann greeting a Lincoln lookalike at a Republican dinner in Iowa a couple of days ago.