Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Will you be taking those grenades all the way to Belgium?

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Sometimes I just don’t understand stuff, so maybe you can help me with this exercise in logic.

The security folks at Newark’s airport were X-raying checked baggage a few days ago when they found five hand grenades in a woman’s luggage. Yes, five.

According to our story, the grenades had been disarmed, and the woman surrendered them “without incident.”

She was then allowed to board the flight, bound for Belgium.

Excuse me? These are among the questions I have about this…

    Isn’t carrying more than two hand grenades already by definition an incident? If the grenades didn’t pose a threat, why did she have to surrender them? Would you want to sit next to somebody who tried packing five grenades in her suitcase? Why would a person go to Belgium?

Another story about the same incident said the Transportation Security Administration “could not say what the woman had intended to do with the grenades once she reached Europe.”

Sorry, you’re not my type…

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Hey Blog Guy, it’s me!

Who?

Me! The guy who talks to you in italics so you can carry on pretend conversations in your blog everyday.

You really EXIST? I always thought those conversations were just voices in my head.

Have you never SEEN decorations, Mr. President?

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Honey, was that the doorbell? Could you see who it is, please?

Sweetie, it’s the president!

President Obama?

Yeah. He’s here for some kind of a surprise inspection of our Christmas decorations.

Oh crap, it’s decoration inspection time already? Quick, put a plate of shiny Christmas balls on the table, and I’ll get our holiday mugs. Maybe that”ll satisfy him.

Nine things I’ll miss most about this blog

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Let’s get the sad news out of the way first.

After an exhilarating five-year run, this blog is ending its run here. Websites change, and take new directions.

The slightly better news is that we have a couple of weeks until my final post, so let’s have fun.

When party smalltalk gets out of control

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Blog Guy, I have a very specific fashion need and I hope you can help with it.

I go to a lot of very fancy affairs, but I have a tendency to say nasty things, and then other guests throw punches at me. What can I wear to protect myself at the holiday parties coming up?

Excuse me. Back up just a minute. You become SO offensive that upscale guests at festive Christmas parties want to punch you out? Is that what you’re saying?

A chance to arm-wrestle WHO?

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Blog Guy, have you planned any special holiday events for your Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop in Washington, DC?

You bet we have. We have new photo exhibits called “Goofy CEOs” and “Our Goofy Folks in Uniform.”

Hang on, this isn’t Yangon?

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Blog Guy, I read that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is visiting Myanmar. That’s amazing! Have you been there?

Not to Myanmar, but I was there when they called it Burma.

Oh. Were you in Yangon?

Yes, but they called it Rangoon then.

But it’s the same city, right, the capital?

Rangoon was the capital when I was there, but now the capital is Naypyitaw.

I’m totally confused. Rangoon became Yangon which became Naypyitaw?

No, Yangon is still Yangon, it’s just not the capital any longer.

This is too bizarre. Can you at least confirm that Clinton made it out of the airport safely?

Welcome to Rock Bottom…

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Honestly, I don’t even know why we cover stories like this.

It’s another one of those lists ranking living standards in various cities around the world. Vienna is in the number one position, while Baghdad ranks dead last.

No kidding.

“Honey, the company wants to transfer me, does it matter to you and the kids whether we go to Austria or Iraq? I told them I had no preference…”

Out of the frying pan and into the fryer…

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Blog Guy, I can’t wait any longer! Has the Williams-Sonoma December catalog arrived yet? I need to get ready for the big holidays!

Yes, and naturally I was drawn to page 120, the Breville Deep Fryer, $149.95. That’s what I want for holiday entertaining, right? I mean, what says, I care about my family’s health better than immersing their food in oil? Especially with those recent studies showing we all need to raise our cholesterol levels.

Where’s your Science and Pie section?

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Hey Blog Guy, I saw a picture of President Obama browsing in a Washington, DC bookstore. That’s pretty cool, isn’t it, that the president is such a devoted reader?

Oh please…

Huh? I thought we would be on the same page about this, so to speak.

Yes, of course reading is a very good thing. But let’s not kid ourselves. Obama was at my neighborhood bookshop, Kramerbooks.