Dear Patty, I’m afraid Mom has had another setback in the area of hallucinating.

She has been doing so well, but today at breakfast she dropped her fork, crawled over to the next booth to get it, and claimed she saw the Obamas and the Bidens. Like all they have to do with their time is have waffles and patty sausages here at the Yankee Kitchen!

You may disagree, Patty, but I consider this to be even worse than last month, when she saw all four Beatles over there at Applebee’s!

Anyways, we wouldn’t play along with her. Doc told us to just ignore her, and she’ll soon stop making up this hogwash!

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A woman kneels to get her picture taken beside the table of the Obamas and the Bidens at Yankee Kitchen Family Restaurant, during a campaign stop in Boardman, Ohio, August 30, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Blog Guy, I saw some video of superstar Michael Phelps at Walt Disney World, but darn it, I couldn’t tell which one was him.  Can you shed any light on this for me?

I don’t blame you for being confused. It isn’t easy to tell a superstar Olympic swimmer from a happy mouse in white gloves and a tuxedo. This is where our actual captions on the photos come in handy. As you’ll note below, we identify Phelps as (C) to show that he’s the one in the center.

This useful bit of extra information should help newspapers and magazines and websites the world over avoid misidentifying Mickey Mouse as the winner of eight gold medals. Likewise, the (C) also shows that swimmer Phelps is not Goofy. Goofy, the one on the left, I believe is a dimwitted dog, but then that raises age-old questions about what Pluto is.

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Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps (C) rides down Main Street U.S.A with Mickey Mouse during a parade at Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom in Lake Buena Vista, Florida August 29, 2008. REUTERS/Scott Audette

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You can tell a lot about a country by the titles they give their officials. You take Samuel Schmid, named in this caption as the Swiss Defense and Sport Minister. Huh? How does THAT work?

Swiss President: What news have you, Schmid?

Schmid: It is horrible! France and Italy are poised to attack us with bombers, missiles and paratroopers!

Swiss President: Okay, but is everything all set for the Alpine Wrestling Festival?

Schmid: Sir, I’m not sure you understand the urgency…

Swiss President: Our football team gonna go all the way this year?

Schmid: Our troops are only armed with crossbows and Swiss Army knives!

Swiss President: I don’t think you have enough to do, Schmid. I’m making you Minister of Fondue and Chocolate, too! Hand me a big Toblerone!

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Swiss Defense and Sport Minister Samuel Schmid of the Swiss People’s Party arrives for the foundation meeting of the new Buergerlich-Demokratische Partei in the town of Glarus east of Zurich August 28, 2008. REUTERS/Arnd Wiegmann

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Blog Guy, if I’m not mistaken, it’s time to unveil the official beer mug of the upcoming Oktoberfest. Could you please run a photograph of a couple of those big mugs?

Um, yeah, here. I apologize. It’s not as good as I would have liked, but if I’m not specific enough about what I want, the photographers sometimes clutter up the background with, you know, unbuttoned blouses and cleavage and stuff like that. Still, you can see the set pretty well here.

Yeah, thanks. I got no complaints.

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A model holds the official Oktoberfest beer mug in Munich August 28, 2008. The Oktoberfest, the world biggest beer festival, starts September 20, 2008. REUTERS/ Alexandra Beier

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Chad Ruble, our collector of bizarre video clips, is back at his Oddly Enough Studios in graceful Times Square.

Today, Chad takes you for a meal where you may not want to go, then shows you the Pet Olympics and more.

And remember, to help pass the time during the long weekend ahead, check out our And Finally Archive.

Here’s Chad and here is Chad’s Archive…

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It seems someone is playing a big practical joke on Barack Obama.

A few weeks ago, the American Kennel Club began a national poll where people could vote on what breed of dog Obama should get for his daughters. So 42,000 people voted, and the winner was the POODLE!

Excuse me? Do you want to see your President walking along behind a dog like this with a pooper scooper? Plus, in the famous Dogs Playing Poker series of genuine artwork, the poodles are just observers. What kind of signal is that?

I said at the time in a post called Please look at me, Senator, and I still say, the classiest thing Obama could do is give a mutt from a shelter or a dog from a rescue breed organization a deserving  home. That’s a GREAT message, and it sure beats carrying some fluffy thing named Babette up the Air Force One ramp for the next four years.

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above: Dogs Playing Poker

below: Handler runs with poodle after winning the non-sporting group at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York, February 11, 2008. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

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Blog Guy, I can’t believe what’s happening to the price of all the necessities! Is there ANY good economic news out there?

Sure. It turns out the price of rat meat has sky-rocketed in the past year.

I don’t see how that’s good news.

Well, the price of premium rat meat is up, but you don’t want to buy any, so you’re immune to that increase. We economists call that “good” news. It’s having an impact over there in Asia. Did you know Cambodia supplies a ton of live rats a day to Vietnam?

Wow! How many live rats are there  in a ton?

It depends. I guess it could just be one really, really, really big one.

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above: Rat meat dish at a Taiwan restaurant in 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Nicky Loh

below: Man eats roasted rat in Cambodia in 2004 file photo. REUTERS/Chor Sokunthea

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Geez, this is some kind of horrible nightmare!

I’m in my Econo Lodge motel room in Montana, and I’m ready for a perfect evening - a tumbler of creme de menthe, the TV Guide crossword puzzle, and some good sitcoms. Maybe “Dick Van Dyke” or “Laverne and Shirley.”

But NO! It turns out the only thing on TV here is reruns of  “Those Darned Clintons,” and I’ve seen every episode! That wacky wife who always wants to be in the show, the nutty husband who makes everybody call him “Mr President” even though he isn’t… 

Yeah, here’s the episode where she sneaks onto the podium at a convention and nominates herself. I’ve seen it. Where’s that freaking remote, anyway?

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Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama, in Billings, Montana, watches Senator Hillary Clinton deliver her speech at the 2008 Democratic National Convention, August 26, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet for me and my friends? Who is the best-looking guy in the world today?

Women tell me it’s George Clooney, for sure.

Cool. Then what can other guys do to look more like him?

Well, the main thing is the suit. A dude like that spends four, maybe five hundred bucks on a single suit, so of course he’s going to look great. Oh. And wear a tie, too.

A nice suit and tie? That’s his secret?

Pretty much, but to really clinch the deal, you should tape this picture of Clooney next to your bathroom mirror and practice looking like him. You know, do funny stuff with your eyes, make a Hollywood smile… In no time, women will start thinking you’re him, just like they do with me.

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Actor George Clooney arrives for a charity dinner in Venice, Italy, August 26, 2008. REUTERS/Max Rossi

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“I do not BELIEVE Andre had the nerve to make TWO of these gold outfits!”

“Yeah, well, who knew we’d BOTH wear ‘em to the same backyard barbecue?”

“So? I’m keepin’ mine on all evening honey, and you can just WATCH me scarf my hotdogs in it!”

“Uh-huh? Well, me too! I’m drinkin’ margaritas until I barf, and this ain’t comin’ off!”

“Oh? I’m wearin’ MINE to the dentist tomorrow!”

“You dental floozy! I’m wearin’ it to the International House of Pancakes!”

“Brazen fashion hussy! If I catch you NEAR the IHOP in that, it’ll be drippin’ in so much maple syrup the red ants will follow you to hell!”

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Models display creations by South Korean fashion designer Andre Kim during the annual Bali Fashion Week August 25, 2008. REUTERS/Murdani Usman

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