Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Voters are kept in the dark?

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Johnson, get in my office! You call yourself a news photographer?

What is it this time, Boss?

It’s your pictures from that Republican debate! They’re too dark. I can’t even tell who these people are!

Oh. That one on top is Rick Perry, I think, or maybe Michele Bachmann. It’s not my fault, Boss. This was the debate they held entirely in the dark.

A whole debate in the dark?

Yeah, you know, some of the candidates wanted to debate on the radio, and some wanted television, so they compromised on televising it but with no lights.

Wait. That’s too stupid even for this dumb blog. You’re saying the viewers could only hear, they couldn’t see anything?

Are these the missing links?

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Blog Guy, I want to order one of those elaborate fantasy photos you set up for your readers. You know, the really strange stuff, like that hotel suite with chocolate furniture, and like Sylvester Stallone’s bathroom, and…

What did you have in mind?

Brace yourself. Mine involves a gigantic electromagnet, Justin Bieber, Mount Rushmore, the…

Stretching the truth?

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Blog Guy, you know that Dmitry Medvedev guy who is President of Russia? He’s kind of strange looking. Can you use Photoshop or something like that to distort a picture of him and make him look even goofier?

No. I never, ever use Photoshop to manipulate news pictures in this blog. It isn’t ethical.

Okay, so maybe it’s a strange hobby…

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Blog Guy, I hate to bother you, but I need your help with something.

Sure, that’s what I’m here for.

See, I maintain an extensive world map with color-coded pins showing everywhere Paris Hilton has been in the last 10 years, you know, day by day.

Really? Then I don’t think I can give you the kind of help it sounds like you need.

Join the army, and pamper yourself!

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Now, if you just sign on the dotted line, son, it’ll be official. You’ll be a private in the U.S. Army.

I don’t know sir, I’m still not sure about this.

Look, I’m a professional recruiter, so I have to be totally honest with you. What’s holding you back, young man?

Let’s see, governor, there’s Moe, Curly and…

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It’s supposed to be the fourth thing that slips your mind. You know, you go to the store and remember the tuna fish and floor wax and avocados, but not the toilet paper.

But ANYBODY can remember three things.

Anybody but Texas Governor Rick Perry, that is. He declared at last night’s Republican debate that he planned to eliminate three government agencies but then could only remember two of them, Commerce and Education.

It’s your turn to go “quack-quack,” Jim

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Blog Guy, you don’t seem to be too fond of hunting. I guess that’s just because you love animals?

Look, I’d really, really like it to be just because of my feelings about animals, and my opposition to cruelty and suffering and stuff like that…

How about a greasy kebab, Your Majesty?

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Blog Guy, I see Britain’s Queen Elizabeth just spent 11 days visiting Australia. That must be a huge logistical undertaking involving thousands of aides, security folks, drivers….

Nothing could be further from the truth. The queen is remarkably self-reliant, and instructed her staff “not to make a fuss over me.”

Step right up for the Creep Show Hall of Fame!

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Blog Guy, I know it’s only November, but I’m wondering how you’re coming along in your search for the blog’s coveted Creep Show of the Year Award.

Oh, don’t worry about that, it’s a done deal. It’s a Creep-o-Rama, Creep-a-Palooza…

When superstars shoot on location…

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I can’t believe they have the nerve to call this dump a supermarket!

But Ms. Jolie, this isn’t America. Things are different over here.

Really? Things are SO different that I can’t even buy Budweiser or Velveeta for Brad? What the hell are we supposed to live on?

Well, maybe you and Mr. Pitt could try some other kind of processed cheese product while you’re working here, Ms. Jolie….