Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, I know you’re closely following the race for the Republican presidential nomination. I’m a little surprised you haven’t chosen a Quote of the Week yet for last week.
It goes to candidate Herman Cain, who told reporters, “When people get on the Cain train, they don’t get off.”
Wait. He said what?
But doesn’t that make this so-called Cain train sort of like that Eagles song, “Hotel California,” where “You can check out any time you like but you can never leave”? It seems to, although it reminded me more of that Roach Motel tagline, “Roaches check in, but they don’t check out!”
Blog Guy, I’m worried sick! I heard there was some problem with protecting Paris Hilton. Is she okay?
They were hurt while protecting her?
No, they were fired FOR protecting her. Our story, Elite Polish cops sacked for protecting Paris Hilton, says three police commandos were told to resign or they would be fired for serving as Hilton’s bodyguards during a recent appearance at a shopping mall opening.
Blog Guy, has your Thanksgiving Williams-Sonoma catalog arrived yet? I can’t wait to see what expensive specialty gadgets we need to help us prepare the most traditional meal of all.
Okay, I thought this was a goofy idea 17 months ago, and I haven’t changed my mind.
Back in mid-2010, I made fun of a Russian science experiment where six guys were about to “simulate” a trip to Mars, by spending 520 days in a mock “spaceship” on Earth.
Lamar, where did you get the models for today’s fashion show?
From my psychiatrist. They’re all in therapy for various things, so they’re happy to have the work.
Oh sure, Boss, most of the ones with violent tendencies turned down the gig. My shrink says one of these chicks is being treated for narcolepsy.
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written about any new signs of that onrushing Apocalypse, so I foolishly thought things might be getting better.
Let’s see here. Roman Catholic bishops in Wisconsin are urging their parishioners not to bring weapons TO CHURCH, now that a new law permits state residents to carry concealed firearms and electric weapons such as stun guns or tasers.
So, pal, what do you do for a living?
What do I DO? I am FABIO!
I am an actor and a model!
Oh! Have I seen you in anything?
Probably. I played the Handsome Man in “Scenes from a Mall,” the Blind Date in “Boogies Diner,” and I have done numerous cameos.
No. The short kind.
Hmmmm. You do look familiar.
I am also a spokesman.
Spokesman, huh? For what?
I can’t believe it’s not butter.
What, this stuff on our plate isn’t butter?
No. I am a spokesman for I can’t believe it’s not butter!
Ah, I don’t watch much TV.
Do you read? I write books and my bare chest is on the covers! Perhaps you have read “Rogue,” “Comanche,” “Viking…”
So, Blog Guy, as a keen observer of the political scene, what’s your take? Can Herman Cain be elected president at this point?
Because of the….
Exactly. Because of his name.
Now I’m confused. His name?
Of course. What did you think I meant? Check out the U.S. Bill of Rights, and you’ll see that nobody named Lemuel, Enoch or Herman is allowed to become president.
Blog Guy, I’m a fed-up, angry American. Enough is enough!
You must mean the Kardashians?
Of course! They’re everywhere! Now the mother has written her “memoirs,” and that daughter that got married like a week ago has already filed for divorce. How many of them are there, anyway?