Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

What’s this-here doohickey for?

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Blog Guy, I could use some of your famous career advice.

My mom gave me a glossy brochure entitled, “The Glamorous Field of Dismantling Old Nuclear Bombs,” and I signed up for their training course.

It’s real interesting, but I wondered what you thought of that career path?

Well, I do know the U.S. is currently dismantling some of our old nuclear weapons, so I guess there should be opportunities.

I see that they took apart the oldest nuclear bomb in our Cold War arsenal, one of the most powerful ones ever built, just this week. So they are training you, huh?

Roscoe’s House of WHAT, Mr. President?

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Hey Blog Guy, a couple of days ago you illustrated your piece on high-cholesterol foods with a lot of photos of President Barack Obama with junk food, and you said, “If I want to know what foods I should avoid…I’ll just follow the presidential motorcade.” You were just joking, right?

Maybe, maybe not. That item ran on Monday, so let’s see where the Obama motorcade would have taken us on that very day.

Bear number four, step up and growl…

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Here’s something  you don’t find every day. My Washington Post tells me a guy drove his car off a road and into a canal here in the nation’s capital. The man, who was charged with driving under the influence, told police he had seen a bear.

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Mr. Johnson, we’re gonna have to ask you some questions. It’s just routine.

Stir that succotash, will ya, Newt?

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Excuse me, I hate to complain and everything, but…

Yes, what is it, Governor Gingrich?

Well, I’m not a governor. I used to be the Speaker of the House of Representatives. I’m running for the Republican nomination, and I was wondering, how come I have to eat in the kitchen, standing up?

Oh, this is Iowa, Governor. Everybody eats in the kitchen.

Hang on just a minute, I can see that Rick Perry guy getting his picture taken with folks, and there’s Michele Bachmann signing autographs and what-not, and here I am standing next to some lady in an apron…

Taking Siri out for a spin?

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Blog Guy, I gather from your recent posts that you’re a big fan of Siri, the personal assistant on the new iPhone 4S who carries on conversations with users?

I am. I’m pretty dazzled, I must say.

So, have you gotten to know her personally?

Well, I don’t like to boast, but as you can see from this screen grab, yes. Siri sent me her personal, private phone number.

To goofinity, and beyond!

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I try very hard to invent high-quality fantasy stuff for my blog, but sometimes I just can’t compete with reality. For instance, I could never make up anything like this actual science story:

LAS CRUCES, New Mexico (Reuters) – A start-up space company building inflatable habitats for commercial and government lease has laid off half its staff because of delays developing space taxis needed to fly people to the outposts, the company president said on Wednesday.

All aboard for the Lipitor City Express!

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Readers of this blog know I have little patience with “stories” that not only state the obvious, but find it necessary to deliver the information in list form, for folks who are intimidated by paragraphs.

Hot on the heels of “8 Foods to Banish from your Diet” I have stumbled upon another time-waster, headlined “10 High-Cholesterol Foods to Avoid.”

Catching bayonets, what could go wrong?

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It’s not that I don’t think you know what you’re doing, but we hired you to spiff up our military honor guard with some great new moves, and I’m just not sure about your plan.

Trust me, I know what I’m doing.

Okay, I’m sorry, what was your name again?

Lamar.

Okay Lamar, so as I understand it, the honor guard marches up, stops, and everybody just hurls their rifles straight into the air, is that it?

WARNING: avert your gaze!

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Blog Guy, as the proprietor of a very visual blog, can you tell me the easiest way to get people to look at a photograph?

Sure. Just tell them not to. It’s simple reverse psychology. For example, DO NOT look at the picture in this blog.

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Mr. President!

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Do you believe this, Michelle?

What’s that, Barack?

I’m the president, and I’m pulling my own pumpkins!

Pulling your pumpkins from the patch to the plane?

Precisely.

Where’s the presidential pumpkin puller?

In Pacific Palisades.

Presidential Pumpkin Puller Peter Piper is in Pacific Palisades?

Positively.

Poop! That explains why I had to pick my own peck of pickled peppers!

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Top and right: President Barack Obama pulls a cart loaded with pumpkins that he and first lady Michelle Obama picked for Halloween at Wood’s Orchard in Hampton, Virginia October 19, 2011.

Bottom right: Michelle Obama looks at red pepper she pulled from the White House Kitchen Garden during the fall season harvest  in Washington, October 5, 2011.