Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Okay Blog Guy, tell us the location of the troops…
No way! You’ll NEVER make me betray my country!
Oh, so you’re a tough guy, huh? Suppose we cram brussel sprouts down your throat and make you watch “Jersey Shore?”
It won’t work. I won’t sell out my friends. There’s nothing you can do!
Is that right? Sergeant, bring out “Lonnie and his Yodeling Accordionettes.”
You unspeakabe savages! Push me to extremes, I shall not break!
Oh, and Sergeant, bring out Miss Arkansas and her dummies. Then we’ll see what Blog Guy has to say.
Blog Guy, I’ve noticed you often use pictures of the Dalai Lama in your blog. He’s always smiling, and he seems to have true inner peace.
Yeah, I suppose so. But that’s his job, isn’t it?
You’re SO cynical! I bet you’re constantly hoping something will push him over the edge and make him snap, but of course nothing will ever do that.
Blog Guy, can you answer a theological question for me?
I don’t see why not.
Do you think there’s music in Hell?
I know for certain there is, and I have a very clear vision of what the big orchestra there sounds like. It’s not like anything you’d find on earth.
Oh! Tell me, tell me!
Hey Blog Guy, let’s play a game. What’s the very, very worst thing you can imagine doing right now?
Um, I’d have to say, watching that World Cup thing. You know, in person.
Sure, I think most people feel that way, but surely you can be more specific. Say you WERE at the World Cup right now, couldn’t it get worse somehow?
Blog Guy, please help settle an argument. My girlfriend says that in some countries, accordion players can actually run for public office. I think she’s wrong. I know you have written about the accordion problem in the past, and thought maybe you could shed some light.
Your girlfriend is right. Through a loophole in Germany’s election laws, there is an accordion player currently campaigning for office over there.
Quick quiz: The most horrific road hazard faced by Tour de France riders is…
b) oncoming 18-wheelers
c) rabid leg-eating wolverines
d) blatant accordion music
Yes, all other hazards pale by comparison to the shameless accordion players, who can step out of the tall grass with no warning whatsoever.
We have a heartwarming story today about billionaire Warren Buffett, and how selfless he’s been in helping to nurture ukulele music, donating instruments and lessons to young girls and stuff like that.
My readers, ever compassionate, are already writing in to ask, “Bobby, isn’t there any damned thing we can do to stop that guy?”
Blog Guy, what’s the worst thing about being President?
Are you kidding me? The bagpipes.
I wasn’t aware. That’s barbaric.The fiends!
It is. For some reason the Secret Service agents won’t shoot them, so the President just has to listen.
Blog Guy, all this economic meltdown stuff really has me upset! I blame the stock traders. Isn’t there any way to punish them?
I’m not sure if it would be legal here, but it looks like over in Germany they’re forcing traders to come to work in appropriate costumes, dressed as prisoners, devils, pirates, accordion players, prostitutes….
It’s not all milk and cookies out there. Sooner or later you’ll drop down the wrong chimney. For instance, you might find a family of accordion players in the middle of a recital. Or maybe a house full of telemarketers and they “just want you to take a brief survey.” Or maybe it’s a cult of reindeer-eaters.
Whatever, you’re so out of there, which is why you keep your taser at the top of your bag, and you go nowhere without your rope ladder. Now let’s try it again. This time, use those concussion grenades, even if they do turn the house upside down!