Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Nobody gets off THIS train, pal!
Blog Guy, I know you’re closely following the race for the Republican presidential nomination. I’m a little surprised you haven’t chosen a Quote of the Week yet for last week.
It goes to candidate Herman Cain, who told reporters, “When people get on the Cain train, they don’t get off.”
Wait. He said what?
“When people get on the Cain train, they don’t get off.”
But doesn’t that make this so-called Cain train sort of like that Eagles song, “Hotel California,” where “You can check out any time you like but you can never leave”?
So you suppose the Cain train just keeps hurtling along at breakneck speed, with terrified passengers pressing grotesquely distorted faces against locked windows, wondering if they’re ever going to see their families again?
Perhaps you recognize my large chest?
So, pal, what do you do for a living?
What do I DO? I am FABIO!
Sorry, I don’t understand. What is that?
I am an actor and a model!
Oh! Have I seen you in anything?
Probably. I played the Handsome Man in “Scenes from a Mall,” the Blind Date in “Boogies Diner,” and I have done numerous cameos.
When I was in Florence a guy calling himself Fabio tried to pick me up – I mentioned it to a friend years later and apparently the same guy tried the same thing with her! He claimed to be related to “THE” Fabio – like we’re that stupid! Us Aussie girls don’t fall for lines like that so easily…
Pushing shakes for a sheikh?
OMG, Blog Guy! A few days ago, in an item about Paris Hilton helping open a shopping mall in Poland, you said, “Coming soon, Kim Kardashian appears at a milkshake bar opening in Dubai,” and here she is!
Who would have thought you were serious about that?
Come on, it wasn’t hard to predict. I mean, the woman was married less than two months ago, she is thought to be the highest-paid reality star on television, so why wouldn’t she go to Dubai to promote a milkshake bar? It just makes sense.
But if she craves attention so badly, why doesn’t she launch a fragrance, like Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry and everybody else did?
Get with the program. Kim already launched a fragrance, four months ago.
I missed that. What about Paris Hilton, then? Can we expect a fragrance from her?
Maybe Kim Kardashian wants to be part of the Escape Club.
I’ve got all your spam, Ronald!
Believe it or not, I’ve found something even more irritating than getting spam.
Getting SOMEBODY ELSE’S spam.
Just when I thought unwanted e-mails couldn’t get any stupider, along come some spammers mistaking me for a guy named RONALD Basler. The actual screen grab above shows just a small sampling of the offers Ronald is getting at my e-mail address.
Judging from Ronald’s spam, which I presume is carefully targeted to his personal needs, he may be going through some hard times.
Ronald gets frequent offers of depression treatments, along with information about how the stimulus package can help him cllimb out of debt. Gosh, it even looks like his roof leaks and his oil needs changing.
I gather Ronald is looking for a new job, and there are opportunities for him as a nurse, an ultrasound technician, a school counselor and a pharmacy assistant.
spam sculpting! This one is my fav. I love the Velveeta baby Jesus 
http://lliissaa.com/2007/12/spam-nativit y-fusion-awesome/spanger-small-2/
everybody sing: Away in a spanger, no crib for a bed
How many floozies live at this address?
Alert readers of this blog will recall my complaints about the U.S. Census last year.
I wrote about their heavy-handed approach, their fixation that my single-family dwelling was actually housing countless lodgers, and their surprise visits looking for an Apartment 2 and Apartment 3 somewhere in my home.
Also, I wasn’t too crazy about the census question asking whether I spend some of my time living in prison instead of here. Shouldn’t the government already KNOW who lives in prison?
But let’s not dwell on that again until 2020. Instead, let’s look at how another country handles it. Hungary, for instance.
It turns out, in Hungary they don’t even WANT to visit every house, kicking in doors and looking for hidden apartments. No, they’re very happy if you’d just fill out the form online. And, to get your attention, they have created a provocative video commercial featuring a topless young woman in red underwear and lacy black stockings, holding a whip.
The woman opens the door to a census taker, who, realizing his timing is bad, offers her the option of completing the census online.
Do the Hungarians use salmon bars as well BG?
Do not disturb us
with your petty questionnaires –
“Population Boost”!
When life is just a beer commercial…
Advertising staff, today we’re here to honor Lamar, whose work on the Guinness Stout account has been pure genius!
Gosh, thanks, Boss. You’re much too kind…
Not at all, Lamar. Who would have thought you could get photos of Barack and Michelle Obama, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip boldly showing Guinness Stout, all in less than a week?
That must be some kind of a world record, Lamar! Where could we check on that?
I think there’s a book, Boss, but I can’t remember the name.
I just have one question, Lamar. I know we spent $8 million on the celebrity ad campaign, but Obama and Elizabeth are the only ones we’ve seen so far.
Yup, those are my peeps, BG. you know me well. That’s my sister giving the hug there! 
Waldo shows his true stripes…
Okay publishing staff, we’re here to start promoting the latest volumes in our wildly popular “Where’s Waldo?” series of children’s books.
Cripes, Boss, MORE Waldo books? Haven’t we run that into the ground? It’s getting easier and easier for kids to spot that guy in a red and white striped shirt!
Oh, there’s plenty more scope for hiding Waldo. What do you think of this one? Waldo shows up in drag at a women’s fashion show?
That’s just so wrong on every level, Boss.
And look here! Waldo in Karachi! Can you find him?
Yeah Boss, there’s just Waldo and a donkey cart.
Waldo walks the line,
while his sister Wanda walks
the catwalk. Nice specs!
A great year to be alive, or at least undead
Blog Guy, is it just me, or did you write a lot more about zombies this year than you have in the past?
You bet I did. If you have to be a lurching, undead brain-eater, 2010 was a good year for it.
Zombies had their own hit TV series, “The Walking Dead,” which got lots of publicity by dispatching the undead to dozens of cities around the world.
There was plenty more. Zombie chicks showed up at the famous Cannes Film Festival to publicize “Zombie Women of Satan,” and zombies dominate the casts of several other new movies.
They also had a crucial role in a commercial, although it was ultimately banned just because it was scaring small children.
Looking for a profession to call their own, zombies made great headway – sorry – virtually taking over the physical fitness business in our health-conscious society.
“If it ain’t Lamar’s, it just ain’t steak!”
Blog Guy, I know you get around. I’ve heard that U.S. celebrities, even superstars, often do TV commercials and endorsements for overseas markets, since they know the ads won’t be shown here. Does this happen a lot?
Yes, much more than you can imagine. Above, here’s a screen grab showing first lady Michelle Obama advertising for Susie’s House of Doilies on a home shopping network over in Indonesia.
Doilies? The first lady? That’s incredible! Does Michelle do other overseas commercials, as well?
You bet. Here’s another one she did, in Germany, for a place called Lamar’s Bavarian Steak Garden.
This is the one where she winks at the camera and says, “If it ain’t Lamar’s, it just ain’t steak!”
This is a real eye-opener for me. I have to say, I’m not too crazy about this level of commercialization from respected luminaries.
We do indeed, Lemon… You should drop by the museum and see it.
Get the Lobo, Bobo, we’re drivin’ to Cabo!
I love this story, and I’m not even making it up.
The president of Ford’s subsidiary in Mexico says his company’s Lobo pickup trucks are so popular with drug cartel hitmen that regular people are now afraid to drive the trucks and risk having soldiers and police mistake them for criminals.
Which is why Lobo sales have – you’ll excuse the expression – slumped.
“It’s a vehicle that is in high demand for committing crimes,” the Ford guy said. “There’s plenty of space in the pickup’s cabin for more weapons.”
Again, not making up that quote.
Personally, I think folks are being short-sighted. Maybe it’s just my sunny disposition, but to me, this is one of those “Is the gun half-loaded or half empty?” sort of deals.
Unca: JUST KIDDING! Enjoy the day and watch for falling parts if you travel toward the border.
Nosmo: Good lines:)
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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@Nosmo – he’s moved on to tacos