Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Nobody gets off THIS train, pal!

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Blog Guy, I know you’re closely following the race for the Republican presidential nomination. I’m a little surprised you haven’t chosen a Quote of the Week yet for last week.

It goes to candidate Herman Cain, who told reporters, “When people get on the Cain train, they don’t get off.”

Wait. He said what?

“When people get on the Cain train, they don’t get off.”

But doesn’t that make this so-called Cain train sort of like that Eagles song, “Hotel California,” where “You can check out any time you like but you can never leave”? It seems to, although it reminded me more of that Roach Motel tagline, “Roaches check in, but they don’t check out!”  

Perhaps you recognize my large chest?

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So, pal, what do you do for a living?

What do I DO? I am FABIO!

Sorry, I don’t understand. What is that?

I am an actor and a model!

Oh! Have I seen you in anything?

Probably. I played the Handsome Man in “Scenes from a Mall,” the Blind Date in “Boogies Diner,” and I have done numerous cameos.

Long cameos?

No. The short kind.

Hmmmm. You do look familiar.

I am also a spokesman.

Spokesman, huh? For what?

I can’t believe it’s not butter.

What, this stuff on our plate isn’t butter?

No. I am a spokesman for I can’t believe it’s not butter!

Ah, I don’t watch much TV.

Do you read? I write books and my bare chest is on the covers! Perhaps you have read “Rogue,” “Comanche,” “Viking…”

Pushing shakes for a sheikh?

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OMG, Blog Guy! A few days ago, in an item about Paris Hilton helping open a shopping mall in Poland, you said, “Coming soon, Kim Kardashian appears at a milkshake bar opening in Dubai,” and here she is!

Who would have thought you were serious about that?

Come on, it wasn’t hard to predict. I mean, the woman was married less than two months ago, she is thought to be the highest-paid reality star on television, so why wouldn’t she go to Dubai to promote a milkshake bar? It just makes sense.

I’ve got all your spam, Ronald!

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Believe it or not, I’ve found something even more irritating than getting spam.

Getting SOMEBODY ELSE’S spam.

Just when I thought unwanted e-mails couldn’t get any stupider, along come some spammers mistaking me for a guy named RONALD Basler. The actual screen grab above shows just a small sampling of the offers Ronald is getting at my e-mail address.

How many floozies live at this address?

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Alert readers of  this blog will recall my complaints about the U.S. Census last year.

I wrote about their heavy-handed approach, their fixation that my single-family dwelling was actually housing countless lodgers, and their surprise visits looking for an Apartment 2 and Apartment 3 somewhere in my home.

When life is just a beer commercial…

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Advertising staff, today we’re here to honor Lamar, whose work on the Guinness Stout account has been pure genius!

Gosh, thanks, Boss. You’re much too kind…

Not at all, Lamar. Who would have thought you could get photos of Barack and Michelle Obama, Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip boldly showing Guinness Stout, all in less than a week?

Waldo shows his true stripes…

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GEORGIA/

Okay publishing staff, we’re here to start promoting the latest volumes in our wildly popular “Where’s Waldo?” series of children’s books.

waldo combo 160Cripes, Boss, MORE Waldo books? Haven’t we run that into the ground? It’s getting easier and easier for kids to spot that guy in a red and white striped shirt!

A great year to be alive, or at least undead

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FRANCE/

Blog Guy, is it just me, or did you write a lot more about zombies this year than you have in the past?

zombie combo 340You bet I did. If you have to be a lurching, undead brain-eater, 2010 was a good year for it.

“If it ain’t Lamar’s, it just ain’t steak!”

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INDONESIA-OBAMA/

Blog Guy, I know you get around. I’ve heard that U.S. celebrities, even superstars, often do TV commercials and endorsements for overseas markets, since they know the ads won’t be shown here. Does this happen a lot?

michelle steak combo 280Yes, much more than you can imagine. Above, here’s a screen grab showing first lady Michelle Obama advertising for Susie’s House of Doilies on a home shopping network over in Indonesia.

Get the Lobo, Bobo, we’re drivin’ to Cabo!

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USA/

I love this story, and I’m not even making it up.

The president of Ford’s subsidiary in Mexico says his company’s Lobo pickup trucks are so popular with drug cartel hitmen that regular people are now afraid to drive the trucks and risk having soldiers and police mistake them for criminals.

2005 Ford F-150 Lobo EditionWhich is why Lobo sales have – you’ll excuse the expression – slumped.