Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Come for the beaches, stay for the bloodbaths

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MEXICO/

Jeez, I couldn’t make this news stuff up, even if they paid me a lot more than they do.

There is a serious drug war going on down in Mexico. Images of gruesome decapitations, charred and tortured bodies hanging from bridges, and brazen daytime shoot-outs are commonplace in the media.

MEXICO-DRUGS/More than 23,000 people have died in Mexican drug violence over the past 3-1/2 years, just about the population of Newport, Rhode Island. If every man, woman and child in in Newport died violently, I’m pretty sure it would be tough to attract tourists there.

Why am I telling you this in a humor blog? Because since the government can’t actually stamp out the violence, they are – I am not making this up – launching an advertising and public relations campaign to improve their image. Here’s the story.

They’re even more tasteless than I am!

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Those of us who make a modest living from the absurd, the ironic and the tasteless cannot sit back and watch other people run such things into the ground. I made the same point recently, when televangelist Pat Robertson hurtled totally off the absurdity scale in his comments about Haiti’s pact with the devil.

assassination combo 490

Here we go again. Do the images above look familiar? They are supposed to remind you of the footage we saw in January, of an alleged Israeli assassination team that killed a senior Hamas commander in Dubai.

Up close and personal? Not so much…

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AUTOSHOW-INDIA/

Memo to Photo Editor: I’ve come up with a great scheme to cut down on costs associated with shooting big events like for example auto shows.

tiny model this 130Most of these venues have at least one or two unguarded rafter windows or skylights, so our photographers could just shoot through them from a distance instead of buying expensive tickets to get through the doors.

Some mushy peas in my handbag, please!

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queen combo 490

Okay staff, you’re aware of our public relations challenge.

We want to soften Queen Elizabeth’s image as a mega-rich monarch with lots of castles and jewels, and make her appear to be more like, you know, your average grandma.

BRITAIN/We’re kicking it off today by having her take a normal train ride someplace, just like anybody else would do.

I see England, I see France, I see special underpants…

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SPAIN/

I tend to have to take a lot of crap from female readers who say that I use too many photos of attractive women and not enough of men.

So this one is for you complainers.  Shots of  trim, fit, muscular, buff young male models, displaying underwear for surprised pedestrians from glass window boxes in Madrid.

Do you see any sweat? My deodorant keeps me dry for hours!

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Blog Guy, the presidents of those Latin American countries like Venezuela and Cuba, do they make much money? I mean, can you earn a good living doing that?

Well, it’s tough, but most of them are allowed to supplement their government incomes with commercial endorsements, product placement, stuff like that.

The all new Lock and Load Blog!

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Well, drop a grenade down my pants, this one REALLY took me by surprise!

The official tabulation of this blog’s posts for November reveals that the most popular item had nothing to do with Victoria’s Secret or stupid fashions or Barack Obama or the other usual topics.

Instead, it involved ceremonies honoring Mikhail Kalashnikov, the inventor of the weapon that bears his name.

I’ve seen the captain somewhere before!

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Blog Guy, my favorite actress is Marcia Gay Harden. Why isn’t she in more stuff?Because Marcia divides her time between acting and her real love, working as the captain of a luxury cruise ship.WHAT?We caught up with her this week in New York City, aboard the Carnival Dream, tooting the horn, dropping the anchor and stuff, charting a course for Louisville or someplace like that.Blog Guy, are you out of  your fricking mind? She’s just there to promote a new cruise ship. That’s it.You know, that’s what I thought at first, too. But look at the caption. It has one of those NOT FOR SALE FOR MARKETING OR ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS warnings on it.So, why would they bring in a famous actress and then not be able to use the pictures for anything? No, I’m sticking with my original guess, that she’s the captain.Blog Guy, do you always just “guess” at the so-called news you print here?No, not always. Sometimes I just make it up completely.

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Actress Marcia Gay Harden dons Carnival Dream Captain Carlo Queirolo’s hat while touring the ship’s bridge in New York City, November 12, 2009. Harden presided over ship’s naming ceremonies for the new ship. REUTERS/Ray Stubblebine/ Carnival Cruise Lines/HO) FOR EDITORIAL USE ONLY. NOT FOR SALE FOR MARKETING OR ADVERTISING CAMPAIGNS

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You commoners drink this crap?

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Okay gang, you all know the deal. We’ve actually persuaded Prince Charles to endorse our brand of coffee for a TV commercial!Yeah, he said it’s only Canada so nobody will see it anywhere important, and he can use a few extra bucks.It’s a real advertising coup, but we only get one take, so it has to be perfect the first time.Now, the prince is going to just be walking along doing prince stuff, and ask for a cup of our coffee. He’ll try it, and then give us a big smile of delight.Oh my God! This is our one take? This is supposed to make people buy this crap?Well, we’ve paid for it so we have to use it, but at least edit out that last few seconds where he drops to his knees and spews his lunch on the crowd.

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Britain’s Prince Charles samples naturally grown coffee in traditional farmer’s market, at the Evergreen Brick Works Restoration site, in Toronto November 6, 2009. REUTERS/Fred Thornhill

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I want me some o’ what they’re selling!

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Blog Guy, I represent the creative team of a big advertising agency, and we want to buy a photo for an ad campaign.

We need a poor-quality black-and-white photo of a guy standing in front of some pegboard. Preferably, he should be a suspected war criminal.