Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Are these the missing links?
Blog Guy, I want to order one of those elaborate fantasy photos you set up for your readers. You know, the really strange stuff, like that hotel suite with chocolate furniture, and like Sylvester Stallone’s bathroom, and…
What did you have in mind?
Brace yourself. Mine involves a gigantic electromagnet, Justin Bieber, Mount Rushmore, the…
Let me stop you right there. it’s November. My fantasy photo budget is almost gone, and I can’t manage anything that elaborate.
Oh. What can you give me, then?
How about a guy drinking what looks like a bottle of vodka, with sausages hanging from his hat?
$2,250? You’re off your trolley!
Blog Guy, has your Thanksgiving Williams-Sonoma catalog arrived yet? I can’t wait to see what expensive specialty gadgets we need to help us prepare the most traditional meal of all.
Indeed it did arrive, but I confess I stopped at the massive holiday cocktail section and got no further.
Really? What stopped you there?
The invitation to “create a professional bar experience at home.”
They didn’t say that!
I promise you they did, on page 35.
OK, so we’ll start the bidding for the professionally-get-tanked-trolley at 2 day passes to the Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop (open only at night), two chocolate pots by Shra, or two tickets to the unfinished Oddly Enough: The Musical.
Do I hear any higher bids? Come on, people, this is a Williams Sonoma trolley to get yourself trashed like a professional…
Bear number four, step up and growl…
Here’s something you don’t find every day. My Washington Post tells me a guy drove his car off a road and into a canal here in the nation’s capital. The man, who was charged with driving under the influence, told police he had seen a bear.
* * * * * * * * * *
Mr. Johnson, we’re gonna have to ask you some questions. It’s just routine.
But Offisher, I’m cold and wet and I’ve had a few…
Now, Mr. Johnson, you say you saw a bear and then you drove into the canal. Can you describe it?
Um, it was big, and real scary.
Oh, no, no,, no…. Not old and grizzled, er I mean crusty, at all. Just mature, not easily swayed, inflexible, obstinate, insensitive, unresponsive – Drat, I knew this Thesaurus would get me in trouble one day….
Well, time to slap the old vodka bottle!
Blog Guy, I know you’re an expert on other cultures, and I have a question.
I just heard an Eastern European expression, “slapping the old vodka bottle.” Jeez, I’m really hoping that’s not a euphemism for…
No, it’s not. Relax. In some countries, they open a bottle of vodka by slapping the bottom until the cork comes out.
The cork? But these days, vodka bottles have screw-tops!
Well, then I guess they could be at it for quite some time. That’s why they normally bring along a plate of sausages, to keep their energy level up.
So slapping the bottom of a bottle is a totally pointless tradition in the 21st century? It accomplishes absolutely nothing?
Mr. Spam Filter might be getting tired of spam and is longing for Romanian or Polish sausages instead.
What’s better than camping out drunk?
Congratulate me, Blog Guy! I’m going to Oktoberfest this year! It’s a life-long dream come true!
Hey, that sounds nice. Where will you be staying?
I‘m not totally sure, but I’m paying about $80 a night, so I’m guessing it will be very, very swanky. Maybe like a suite or something.
Ah. Yeah, I think I know the place, the ‘Wiesn camp’ at the Horse Stadium.
Pretty posh, huh?
Um, it’s 300 tents, holding four people each. So you drink beer all day long, then you crawl into your tent along with your three roomies and their tubas or whatever.
@Malteser: The haiku party is a the-more-the-merrier kind of affair. Thanks for joining — with a rhyme, no less. Let’s invite a limerick to the party:
It’s that time of year
When people drink lots of beer
And when you’re really spent
You can sleep in a tent
And emerge when your head is more clear
Honey, I’m on my way!
Blog Guy, you know that place in Siberia you say is the goofiest place on earth? I think you call it Wackytown, and you organize tours there.
Sure. Krasnoyarsk. There’s no other place like it. You should come with us. What are you looking for?
Well, this is kind of delicate. I like to go where I can find a little honey, if you take my meaning. I love my wife, but, you know…
Wait. Um, are we talking about…
You’re a man of the world, Blog Guy. Do I have to spell it out? I need something sweet, if you catch my drift … Does Wackytown have what I’m looking for?
I believe they do. I can arrange an introduction for you to the Honey Club over there.
This gunman goes into a bar, see…
I’m not sure when our state lawmakers began competing to pass the most wacky weapons laws, but it’s getting pretty hard to keep up with them.
To recap, in recent days we’ve seen both Utah and Arizona vote to create official state firearms. Meanwhile, lawmakers in Maine voted to legalize switchblade knives, but only for one-armed residents.
That brings us to Ohio, where the house of representatives has just approved laws that would give people more rights to carry concealed weapons, including one that allows folks to carry guns into bars.
Jeez, I hardly know where to begin. My feeling is, if you’re going into a bar where you think you might need a gun, maybe you should upgrade to a nicer bar. Or else just drink at work, like everybody else.
But here’s what really interests me. The Ohio bill prohibits the person carrying the gun from drinking alcohol at the same time.
So wait a minute. Here’s a law aimed at helping people who want to go to a bar that is so sleazy they need to take a gun, but they’re not supposed to drink when they get there?
-
Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
-
And the one in the middle is the missing link???