Blog Guy, I heard about some awesome new software that automatically makes you look better in photos than you do in real life!

Yeah, I know all about it. It was developed by computer scientists, and it works! The software applies a formula to turn original shot of this woman, on the left, into the more attractive version on the right.

Of course my blog team put it to the test in our lab, with impressive results.

Look at these original photos of Nick Nolte, Teri Hatcher and Angelina Jolie, compared with their “improved” versions on the right. This amazing software even puts them in better clothes, and added sunglasses for Nolte. How does it know?

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Above: Two pictures of a woman’s face, one modified (R) and one unmodified, are seen on a computer monitor in Jerusalem, November 18, 2008. REUTERS/Baz Ratner

Below:Combo of REUTERS photos and police booking photo handout of Nolte.

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Blog Guy, I’m the one who asked a lot about Angelina Jolie and her twins at the hospital in Nice recently. You can’t ignore me, because you’ve sworn the Bloggers’ Oath.

What do you want this time?

If people send gifts to Angelina and Brad and the twins, who delivers them? Are those French postal workers attractive? What should the packages look like?

Yeah, I guess the postal workers are pretty nice in Nice. After all, they’re French. And the packages should be very big, so they can be easily photographed by the media.

Hmm. Okay, now about the store where Angelina buys her diapers…

That’s it! I hereby renounce the Bloggers’ Oath!

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A postal worker is followed by media as she brings presents for Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s twins at the Nice Lenval hospital in Nice, France, July 19, 2008. REUTERS/Chris Serrano

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Blog Guy, my friends and I don’t think there has been enough coverage of the whole Angelina Jolie twins thing, over in Nice. That’s in France, you know. Can you answer some questions for us?

I’ll sure get what I can for you from our recent photo file.

Great. What kind of hat does Brad Pitt wear?

Um, it’s a white one, I guess maybe you’d call it a fedora? Here’s a photo of it on his head.

That settles that. And this hospital where she gave birth. Who’s in charge there?

A director. You can see him here in the middle photo.

Fascinating! And this hospital, does it have a parking garage entrance?

Yep. Picture on the right.

Thanks, you’re doing great. Now this hospital director, does he have a niece?

I get it. A niece in Nice? I don’t think you really need to know that, so I’m not running her picture.

Slideshow of even less important Jolie stuff

REUTERS photos by Chris Serrano

It’s time again for that annual event reminding all of us that some people have way, way too much money. 

Of course I’m talking about the unveiling of this year’s ”Neiman Marcus Christmas Book,”  that holiday catalog that gives journalists a chance to gush over gifts they can’t afford, for readers who can’t afford them either, while a department store gets free publicity beyond belief. 

Anyway, I haven’t seen this year’s catalog, but I’m going to take a wild guess.  You can buy immortality (one billion dollars), a toilet made entirely of  diamonds (one billion dollars), or a dinner date with Angelina Jolie (one billion dollars).
                                                                    

 From the 2004 “Neiman Marcus Christmas Book.” Suit of armor for $20,000. REUTERS/Jeff Mitchell 

Dear Blog Guy,
If there are aliens from space spying on us, do you think they fully understand everything we do?
Really Curious

Well, Curious, I know for certain they don’t understand why we make lifeless wax figures of our celebrities, put them in a museum, and then go shoot pictures of them as if they were actual humans. What is the news value in showing a waxy Angelina Jolie, a waxy Brad Pitt and a little bitty waxy baby? Maybe some reader can wax lyrical and explain that to us.  Meanwhile, maybe I’ll get their autographs — anybody got a stylus and some wax paper?                                                    

Wax figures of actors Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt sit on display with a figure of their infant daughter Shiloh Nouvel  at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum in New York, July 26, 2006. REUTERS/Keith Bedford

This just in from Namibia, where Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are waiting for their baby to come along.  A local radio station conducted an informal poll, and 50 percent of the people who responded thought the day the baby is born should be declared a national holiday. 

Okay, just as long as they’re not going overboard about this thing. Here’s the story:

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, stars of ”Mr. & Mrs. Smith”, pose at the film’s premiere in Los Angeles June 7, 2005.  REUTERS/Fred Prouser