Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Nine things I’ll miss most about this blog
Let’s get the sad news out of the way first.
After an exhilarating five-year run, this blog is ending its run here. Websites change, and take new directions.
The slightly better news is that we have a couple of weeks until my final post, so let’s have fun.
I’ve enjoyed everything about creating and writing Oddly Enough. My advice is, if somebody offers to pay you to be a sarcastic smartass, take the job. Especially if it includes dental insurance.
Some of the things I will miss most…
9. The Photos: The Reuters photo file is a grand candy store. It has been a treat to look through it daily, searching for goofy gems in a sea of serious images. I’m sure it’s fair to say many of the shots in my blog don’t get used anyplace else. Indeed, it was the richness of our photo archive that inspired the blog’s fabled Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, which will be a runaway success if it ever opens.
It’s your turn to go “quack-quack,” Jim
Blog Guy, you don’t seem to be too fond of hunting. I guess that’s just because you love animals?
Look, I’d really, really like it to be just because of my feelings about animals, and my opposition to cruelty and suffering and stuff like that…
But?
But just LOOK at these people! In all honesty, even if they didn’t have any bullets, and they were there to FEED the ducks, I’d STILL make fun of them for looking like total doofuses.
Grown men sitting out there on hard rocks, wearing camouflage, making “quack-quack” noises to trick unarmed ducks into flying within range? Have they ever taken a look at themselves, because it isn’t pretty.
@CrowGirl, did you burn the lingerie and make some nice smoked salmon at least?
Who’s the cutest one of all?
I’m going to do something a little different today.
There is this writer named Bart King, whose job is almost as much fun as mine. He turns out books with titles like “Big Book of Gross Stuff” and “Pocket Guide to Mischief.”
His latest one, called “Cute! A Guide to All Things Adorable,” has just been published, and I enjoyed it very much. Bart offers clever insight into what makes things seem cute, and why.
My readers are interested in cute stuff, so I sent Bart six photos that have appeared here. I asked him to apply his own criteria and grade them on cuteness, which he was nice enough to do.
Bart says the LEAST cute one is the photo at the top, adding, “I find nothing cute about a group of immature pandas awaiting autopsies.”
Oh, did I mention this Bart guy can be fairly twisted?
@Nosmo: Good grin!
@Bart: Interesting that you HAVE to take the psych tests. We all volunteered!
Honk if this seems strange…
Strange days have found us Strange days have tracked us down
Blog Guy, how’s come you’re playing a Doors album really loud? What’s up with that?
Oh, I think it’s that war in Libya. It’s getting weirder and weirder, and starting to remind me of tracks off that “Strange Days” album.
In this top photo, for instance, you can see an anti-Gaddafi fighter walking his ostrich.
That does look a little bit odd, but troops in war often have a mascot.
According to the photo caption, they’re going to eat it. Over here on the right, we see an anti-Gaddafi fighter advancing toward Sirte.
It looks like the man is firing the rocket-propelled granade over his shoulder and that the photographer is standing in the line of fire.
When animals know all our secrets…
Blog Guy, my tax guy’s taxidermist told me something really creepy. He has close ties to the animal kingdom.
You mean from stuffing and mounting them?
Yeah. And he said animals are spying on humans, building up huge dossiers. He says ducks are the worst.
I think that’s a canard.
Blog Guy, are you ever going to get over the fact that the word “canard” is duck in French, but a false rumor in English?
Probably not. Look, some of this animal spying stuff may be true. It’s well known that chimpanzees conducted the 2010 census and know everything about us. Maybe the chimps sent some ducks out for a gander.
Armored combat for the golden prize…
Blog Guy, everybody knows you’ve campaigned against bullfighting and other forms of animal cruelty. It’s safe to say that any event involving animal combat is inhumane, right?
Pretty much, yeah…
Pretty much? What does that mean?
Well, I must admit that now and then I fly over to Singapore to watch the Giant Tortoise Carrot Fights.
Giant Tortoise Carrot Fights?
Yeah, people gather around and two massive giant tortoises go after a carrot.
“Britain’s Prince Charles gestures as he watches a martial arts display…”
Is he REALLY imitating the moves he’s watching or is he about to hide his face from an approaching child screaming “Down with the royalty”?
Prince Charles makes gestures
while children practice kung fu:
He’s a quick learner!
It’s just like in the disaster movies!
Boss, can you hear me? It’s me, Johnson! Oh, it’s still night-time in LA? Sorry to wake you up, but I’ve got great news!
You remember you sent me to scout around for the next big “King Kong” sort of movie?
Well, I’m here in the Philippines, of all places…. They’ve “captured” this huge honking 21-foot-long crocodile which has already attacked several people.
Get some film crews out here right away, Boss, I have a feeling this one is gonna pop soon. I’m watching ‘em right now, moving the “captured” croc.
The team leader couldn’t be bothered to stop smoking long enough for the historic photo, but then in fairness, lung cancer is going to be the least of his problems. He’s about to drop ashes on the croc’s hood.
The “guard” with a rifle is zoned out, trying to remember the third verse to “MacArthur Park…” The Croc Mover they’re using is made of logs, and was state-of-the-art in the 12th century. Its axle is about to break, and the croc is tied down with flimsy knots that look like some Boy Scouts lost interest and went off to make s’mores.
a humble haiku
prehistoric dile
personnel dazed & confused
what a croc of sh**
Are those Tic Tacs, or you got a rattlesnake in your pants?
Blog Guy, I’m looking for some of your sage career advice. I enjoy travel, working with animals, and maybe a little danger. Any ideas?
Have you considered the glamorous world of snake smuggling?
No, I haven’t. What does that involve?
The usual. Ladies’ hosiery, probably some duct tape, and, you know, snakes.
Cool! Are there openings?
There should be at least one. Some guy was arrested in Miami, trying to board a flight for Brazil with seven exotic snakes stuffed into his trousers.
This reminds me of the time my fifth-grade teacher would have asked me if I had ants in my pants, and I would have truthfully responded “No Mam, I’ve got a riled up snake and hot steel balls.” But you all don’t want to hear about my childhood.
See ya later, crocodile!
Mr. Johnson, we’re here to apply for one of those “Zoo Performer” jobs you advertised. Can you tell us a little about what we’d have to do?
Sure thing, Chris. You stick your head in a crocodile’s mouth for the amusement of zoo visitors.
Gosh Mr. Johnson, that sounds kind of dangerous!
That’s because you don’t know about the space-age polymer mouth guards our crocodiles wear. These big guys can’t close their mouth, no matter how hard they try.
Mr. Johnson, may I ask a question about the jobs?
Of course, Julie.
Great, Georgia. Why am I thinking of one of my favorite quotes from Steel Magnolias?
“There’s some pretty sick tickets in this town.”
Who’s more fun than drunk people?
Blog Guy, I’m planning a vacation and I’m looking for ideas. Generally I like to go where I can see a lot of dumbasses.
Really? I guess that’s one way to go. I would highly recommend Ukraine, then.
I suspect so. The country’s environment minister has found it necessary to “free all bears kept in restaurants for entertainment purposes.”
Bears? In restaurants for entertainment purposes? I don’t get it.
Yes. Apparently drunken customers make the poor creatures drink vodka for laughs.
Dave_not_dave, I’d rather have Medo tearing into some salmon BARS. 
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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I’ve never commented in the 2 years I’ve read the blog because I’m quite certain I could never hang with the rest of everyone. I thank you all but especially The Blog Guy… But I’m pretty sure my neighbors and students hate you
Of the thousands of things they blocked at school, y’all never made the cut.
thank you again and again. Have fun out there on that interweb-wide-machine and keep the shiny side up Mr. Baz.