Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Should they be laughing at me?

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Oh crap, what have I done?

I’m pretty sure this is about the time that bull is supposed to be dead.I KNOW I shouldn’t be riding upside-down on his back, hanging onto these pointy things while idiots laugh at me from the stands.

I should’ve listened to my guidance counselor who wanted me to go into TV repair. But I said, “No, I REALLY want to wear pink socks!”

I thought guys were supposed to rush out to help me! Those “machine gunadors” are supposed to save me! And where are the flame-throweradors? Is that just a joke they play on new matadors?”

Why didn’t I just call in sick and go out for sangria with that cute senorita who sells flan?

An army of goat-kickers?

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Blog Guy, I see North Korea is shooting off more of those missiles. I’m worried. What can you tell me about them?

They don’t deal well with their goats.

Um, could you elaborate on that?

Just look at these pictures. A North Korean soldier kicking a goat. And they’re practically dragging them in the other photo.

When a mommy and daddy love each other very much…

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Blog Guy, my mom told me to ask you about the birds and the bees.

She WHAT?

She said you know a lot of stuff and you could explain it to me.

That’s quite a responsibility.  I checked yesterday’s photo file, which is where I get most of my information, and I think I can help you.

It turns out, bees land on sunflowers in California to gather pollen, and birds sit in nests in Belarus. Does that do it for you?

Well here’s your problem right here, ma’am!

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Ring ring ring…

“Hello? Is this the police? I want to come down to the station to report a stolen car…”

“Your call is important to us. Currently our office is being overrun by hundreds of venomous snakes, so please expect to be bitten a few times and maybe die.”

Fashion: ferret and wear it…

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Blog Guy, is it just me, or does it seem like these days you don’t see as many ferrets in fashion shows as you used to?

No, I see just as many ferrets as ever.

What about roosters? I’m not seeing so many of those, either.

I don’t know what kind of fashion shows you go to, but I’m seeing more roosters than ever on the runways. Look at this weekend show. Roosters, ferrets, snakes, porcupines…

Run! It’s Señor Zorro the Pig!

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Hang on just a dad-gum minute there, Blog Guy!

What’s wrong, stranger who talks just like Jed Clampett?

You had a purty good sign of the Apocalypse a couple days back, but I reckon you overlooked a better one. I saw some Reuters photos of…

Yes, yes, I know. I’ve had nightmares. You mean the dressed-up pigs?

Durn tootin’ I do!

Yeah, they dress pigs up like humans at this festival in the Philippines. I saw Zorro, a bride and groom, some boxers, then I passed out.

Honey, the guide says they serve IMPORTED rats here!

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Quick quiz: Thousands of live rats in Cambodia, shown in crates below, are being shipped to Vietnam to…

a) enjoy a getaway at one of the world’s top rat vacation destinations.

b) be used as Happy Rat Day gifts.

c) take part in a rat exchange which could lead to a foreign exchange program involving real students.

Here’s a good spot, maybe they won’t find us here!

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Blog Guy, you write a lot about bullfighting, so you’re probably aware the new season has begun. How about giving us some behind-the-scenes stuff that most people don’t know about the tradition and pageantry of the sport?

Okay but remember, technically bullfighting isn’t a sport, it’s a ”sport”. In the photo below, matadors and their assistants are performing the “paseillo” before starting a bullfight.

AFLAC this, insurance duck!

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Blog Guy, I know you follow the advertising business. I was wondering if successful ad campaigns in the States work well overseas, as well?

Not always. You know those insurance commercials where that obnoxious duck keeps saying “AFLAC!” until you want to wring its neck?

You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie, wrinkled porn man!

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Blog Guy, They say you have incredible resources, and you can set up shots of the wildest fantasies. Is that true?

I don’t like to boast … Just tell me what you want.

Like most young women, I dream of doing a porn movie with a 75-year-old guy, while an orangutuan whistles “Dixie.” I can see him now, in a red loin cloth and blue kimono…