Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

It don’t get much worse than this!

Photo

I’m not going to prolong it. The Worst Job in the World title came down to a number of factors – danger, grossness, fecalocitude, etc.

In the end, I had to choose the worst job I happen to have a photo of, and that brings us to the exciting field of elephant proctology.

Astoundingly, one person guessed it right in a comment on my Oddly Enough Facebook blog wall. They left no name, which I guess means they’re currently wanted by the law for something or other.

For those of you wondering what the doctor is saying here:

    “Damn Verizon! I’m getting no reception in here at all!” “Feels like he had egg salad and guacamole for dinner.” “Bring me the tree trimmers! He’s got hemorrhoids the size of a schnauzer!” “I found my lunchbox, Lonnie! Is it noon yet?”

Here is the job in real life, so you college grads looking at glossy brochures, pay attention! Got a degree in creative writing? The interview line starts you-know-where.

Because you’re mine, I walk the lion!

Photo

Blog Guy, I represent a project to open a Johnny Cash Zoo, and I….

A what?

You know, a zoo where all the animals dress in black, like Johnny Cash did.

What would be the point of that?

Our target audience is families who want to go to the zoo, but don’t want to be cheered up by the visit. We also own a Johnny Cash Circus and a Johnny Cash Amusement Park.

Ah. Clowns dressed in black?

Totally. So anyhow, I’m looking for a designer who can do our animal wardrobe.

Another busload of yokels, Santino!

Photo

Blog Guy, are humans the only animals capable of abstract planning?

I get that question a lot. Watch this stunning video report about Santino, a chimp who plans for feelings he knows will exist in the future.

Like writing a letter to an unborn child? Or hitting a rap music CD with a claw hammer before you even listen to it? What does Santino do?

Welcome! Did you come to prey?

Photo

Blog Guy, I really need social advice. I’ve been invited to what looks like a glitzy party, but the invite says BYOF. Is that like RSVP?

Cripes, you really DO need help! BYOF stands for Bring Your Own Falcon.

Falcon? You mean like the Ford car? I haven’t seen one of those for 30 years!

Hey Ratso! Who’s your designer?

Photo

Blog Guy, I’m a small furry creature of the forest. Why don’t haute couture designers ever come up with anything for us? We like to look good, too!

Have you got any money?

We have nuts and berries and roots.

Uh… Losing interest quickly…

Oh, and we also know where some highwaymen buried a  huge chest filled with gold coins 300 years ago, under a tree near…

Ssss! Your ssstretch limo is here!

Photo

It turns out there’s one more thing to be afraid of. Meet the Titanoboa, which scientists just reported on.

The snake was 43 feet long – about like two stretch limos parked at a prom – and weighed 2,500 pounds, roughly like the Exxon Valdez, give or take.

Coo? No, I said COOL! Cool!

Photo

Do you ever wonder who’s at the very, very bottom of the human dignity chain?

Well, it turns out he was picked up at an airport with two live pigeons stuffed in his tights. I mean, the tights ALONE are embarrassing enough.

Polly want a crapper?

Photo

Hey Blog Guy, I love your blog, but I’ve often wondered something.

Thanks. What do you wonder?

Why don’t you have more pictures of birds going to the bathroom?

Your question is interesting, and it illustrates why my home address doesn’t appear on my blog.

But just for you, here is a video clip of a parrot that uses a toilet instead of pooping on my car, like every other bird does.

Lions and tigers and popes! Oh my!

I’m back with another episode of Stuff Maybe We Should Have Explained in the Caption, but Didn’t.

This time, it’s a photo of Pope Benedict XV with a lion tamer and a lion cub. The actual caption doesn’t say why.

The rein in Spain goes somewhere quite insane…

Photo

Blog Guy, I saw these amazing photos from Spain, with dudes riding horses through fire. What’s that about?

It’s the annual Saint Anthony purification ceremony. They ride their horses through bonfires placed around the village, to “purify” the animals with fire and smoke.