Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Joe, ya got a cobra hangin’ from your lip!

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baskets-crop-120.jpgOkay, who’s the wise guy?

All of you know our motto here at Acme Snake Charming School: “Safety is pretty darned important.”

So, which one of you clowns rewrote the instructions for beginning students, to tell them to take the baskets with king cobras inside and overturn them on their own heads?  

Related: The other guys dared you to do WHAT?

baskets-360.jpgJapanese Shakuhachi players perform during a media call for the World Shakuhachi Festival 2008, in Sydney, July 4, 2008. REUTERS/Daniel Munoz

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Pay up, you old goat!

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goat-cap-180.jpgBlog Guy, we’re raising money for charity. Should we hold a car wash?

Have you thought about a goat wash? You can do two at a time, as the photo below shows. Dirty goat owners would flock to you.

We live in an upscale suburban neighborhood. Most of the goats here are already clean.

Wild but styled!

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fashion-chicken-140.jpgMemo to zoo staff: Times are tough in the zoo business. It’s a jungle out there. Nobody wants to come and see plain old boring animals anymore, so we need a gimmick.

We’ve brainstormed it and decided to dress our animals in the latest haute couture fashions. We’ll promote it as “Vogue Meets Rogue!” Don’t you just love it?

Some story, some pig!

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A phobic fear of dirt and filth is not something you expect to find in a pig.

Something like that could certainly hamper a pig’s lifestyle, what with all the mud-wallowing and slopping and troughing that are expected of you. Unless maybe…

Unless your personality disorder gets you your own pair of Wellington boots so you can stay clean, which makes people think you’re adorable and attracts attention. And that gives your owners the idea to keep you around as a mascot,  instead of using you for that other thing they do, at their sausage company.

This here’s Dogwood, Mister… Got treats?

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dogwood-2-180.jpgBlog Guy, I’ve heard there’s this town someplace that’s completely run by dogs. Could this possibly be true?

Yes, indeed. The dogs were given several acres of wooded land about five years ago, as an experiment to see what they could accomplish.

The reign in Spain is staring at the ring…

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king-cap-180.jpgOh what have I done? I just came here to wear a funny costume and torture poor animals, but now the KING is here! I’m SURE it’s the king, I’ve seen him on television!

I should give him something. He’s the king! I could hurl my shiny sword at him, but you can get in trouble for doing that… They would call me “The Stupid One.”

Look at the striped horses, kids!

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zebras-3-180.jpgBlog Guy, I’d like to take my kids on a nice safari to photograph animals. Any suggestions?

Yep, I just got back from Zebra Land. As you can see from my photos, exotic animals run wild.

Bar the doors, these bears are boors!

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pandas-more-160.jpgBlog Guy, a few weeks ago you had a post called Please bear with me… where you invited readers to help choose the cutest animal on Earth – polar bears or giant pandas. Was that ever resolved?

No, and don’t even get me started. Those pandas turned out to be, excuse me, overbearing. They sent their “committee” to meet with me, and they never left.

Mutt-mobile: can Spot design your car?

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We have a video report about how auto designers are shifting into neuteral, so to speak, fighting for the pet owner market by adding Fido-friendly features. I have a list of the options my own dogs are demanding:

dog.jpg- deluxe hamburger dispenser

- giant window control buttons 

- peanut butter dispenser

- big fans aimed at their face

- toast and jelly dispenser

- indoor tennis ball flinger

Come to think of it, that doesn’t sound like such a bad car, does it?

Video report:

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Stop! I dropped my contact lens!

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bull-combo-180.jpgBlog Guy, can you please explain some of the more complex maneuvers a bullfighter uses?

Sure. For instance, say you find yourself on the ground, staring into the face of a bull who is pretty annoyed over being tortured for no reason. There are a number of clever comments  bullfighters use to bamboozle the animal: