Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The flawless diamond caper…

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parkour-160.jpg I’ve been planning this heist for months, but now that we’re going in, I feel like maybe I overlooked some detail. I guess that’s natural.

Let’s see. I know for sure that $14 million worth of  flawless diamonds are in the mansion. I know this is the one day a year when they leave that titanium  vault open and the back door ajar so the appraiser can get in. This is the day they take their killer dobermans on a picnic and  leave two friendly, well-fed golden retrievers to guard the whole  shebang…

And for sure, this is the one day they leave that big iron gate unlocked, and turn off the lethal electrical charge that always surges through it… Wait! DID I check on that darned electricity thing, or not?  I’m not sure…

More posts about

parkour-360.jpgA member of the Street Show PK Club shows parkour skills at a park in Hangzhou, China, April 9, 2008. Parkour is “the art of moving,” involving moving from one point to another as efficiently and quickly as possible. REUTERS/ Steven Shi

Please bear with me…

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wilbaer-portrait-180.jpgBlog Guy, every now and then  you stop being sarcastic long enough to feature  on your blog. But lately, they’ve all been polar bear cubs from Germany. One right after another. Are you on the German zoo payroll?

No way. I have ethical standards, and anyway, the Germans zoos haven’t offered. I’ve actually been working to choose the world’s cutest variety of animal, and I’ve narrowed it down to pandas and polar bears. I want as many opinions as possible, so check out these posts and get back to me.

This isn’t a SWIMSUIT?

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bulllfighter-legs-160.jpgClancy was mortified. WHY had he believed that salesman who said sissy clothes would be THE LOOK for the beach this season? Liar, liar, pants on fire!

So now, endless miles of Caribbean sand, and Clancy is the only one wearing gold braid and fuzzy epaulettes. The other guys are wearing flip-flops, not fuschia socks and dancing shoes like his.

Doc is the only puma in Yuma…

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puma-2-180.jpgBlog Guy, I’m new here, and my donkey has a bad toothache. Can you recommend a dentist?

Welcome to Arizona. I checked your policy, and your donkey is only covered for dental work if it’s done by a puma. That’d be old Doc Cougar, up on the hill.

Their horn section is dazzling!

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symphony-300.jpgBlog Guy, I know you’re doing a dissertation on life in places with no cable. You got any new examples?

Yes. It’s so poignant to see what plucky humans will do for entertainment when they can’t watch ”Dexter.”

Postage: pushing the envelope

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little-lotta-140.jpgBlog Guy! This is SO cool! I’ve just read that the Germans put Knut the polar bear on their stamps! Don’t you love that? Do you keep track of the new postage stamps in the States?

Yeah, sort of. My impression is that we could use more cute animals on our stamps.

And now, geese reenact the Alamo!

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Blog Guy, I have a HUGE money-making idea. Can I swear you to secrecy?

kilroy-2-180.jpgSure. And all my readers, too. They won’t tell.

Cool. I’m writing a show where animals recreate historic scenes. Gettysburg, Iwo Jima, the Wright brothers, ALL done by animals! I even want to have “Kilroy was here,” that cartoon from World War II. You think an animal could do that?

Hmm. Me and my readers might be able to help you out, for a price…

More

flocke-360.jpgPolar bear cub Flocke rests in a new outside enclosure at the zoo in Nuremberg on April 8, 2008. REUTERS/ Michaela Rehle

Gallop, Stormy! I have a sugar cube!

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I don’t know, Dad, sometimes I think it was a mistake opening this dude ranch for morons. I mean, I’m lookin’ out the window right now, and there’s this city slicker STANDING on his saddle. No, I ain’t kidding.

And this dandy ain’t just standing, he’s twirlin’ a rope and fixin’ to lasso his horse! Yeah, I’m just about to whistle real loud, and you know old Stormy will go right into a gallop. I need to make sure the guy’s check has cleared first, though.

My sword is at home on the sofa!

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bullfight-face-160.jpgOh, what have I done? Mom wanted me to be a chiropractor, but no! I knew better! Mister Smarty-Pants just HAD to be a matador!

So here I am, dressed like Elton John, in front of all these boobs who came to see blood. They expect me to take my sword and… Caramba! I left my sword at home, on the sofa! Under my CAPE! Can anything ELSE go wrong today?

Wanna hold my pet rat, honey?

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snake-2-180.jpgLadies, you’ve all been there. An evening out, and you want something to defend yourself, but tasers and mace just don’t seem, you know, festive enough.

So, for times when you need to combine protection and fashion, what’s better than a six-foot snake? Nothing says, “Get lost!” like a big set of fangs dangling over your hand.