Blog Guy, I have a recipe for armadillo. Do you know a place to buy good ones?

Sure, I go down to Brazil and get mine from Leonardo’s Armadillos.

Leonardo? Didn’t he used to have a shop in Amarillo?

Yes, but Leonardo’s Amarillo Armadillos got closed down for certain peccadillos.

Say no more, I’ve heard all about those armadillo peccadillos! How does Leonardo sell his armadillos?

By the kilo.

Yummy! Armadillo by the kilo! So if I go down to Brazil, how will I know Leonardo?

He’ll be smoking a cigarillo…

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Leonardo Lima da Silva, 17, offers for sale to passing vehicles an armadillo that he and his brother hunted to earn cash, near Maraba in the Brazilian Amazon region, August 18, 2009. REUTERS/Paulo Santos

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Blog Guy, thanks for keeping that information flowing about the proud tradition of bullfighting, even though I don’t think you like it very much.

I thought I was hiding my feelings pretty well.

So does the bullfighter interact with the crowd at all during the event?

You bet. Here you can see what is called El Winkador. It’s the matador’s way of saying, “I’m midway through torturing a poor animal to death, wink wink. Aren’t I cute?”

That sounds kind of foolhardy. What if El Winkador is badly timed?

Ah, then you may see El Goreador, as in this photo.

Gasp! That’s shocking!

Nah, if you add cartoon-style sound effects in your mind, it’s kind of entertaining.

SNORT! BOIINNNG! WOO-HOOOO!!!! See what I mean?

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Spanish bullfighter Jose Tomas winks to the crowd during a bullfight in Malaga, Spain, August 20, 2009.

Colombian bullfighter Luis Bolivar is gored by a bull during bullfight in Malaga.

REUTERS photos by Jon Nazca

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Okay group, the Rome Tourist Board hired us to crisis manage this horrible PR problem in the middle of tourist season. Their security guards are having a job action at one of the most popular attractions, the Colosseum.

Getting those protesting guards to leave the Colosseum could turn very ugly, but we’ve come up with a plan.

We’ve contacted some zoos in the area, and they are going to rent us some lions. Then we’ll send the lions into the Colosseum for a “historical reenactment” of those 2,000 year-old events we all know about.

If it’s as popular as we hope, it could be a regular attraction.

Earl, how are you coming along with the ESPN negotiations? They’re gonna have to pay through the eyeballs to show this one live, let me tell you!

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Above: A security guard demonstrates on top of Rome’s Colosseum, August 15, 2009. REUTERS/ Alessia Pierdomenico

Below left: Lioness at al Maglio zoo in Magliaso, Switzerland, in 2007 file photo. REUTERS/ Remy Steinegger

Below right: Guards shout slogans from top of Colosseum. REUTERS/Alessia Pierdomenico

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Okay gentlemen, listen up. You’re all here because you were accepted at Fancypants University! Good old FU, the best school for waiters in all of Spain.

You look muy bueno in your festive outfits, with your tablecloths folded over your arms.

Now, in addition to proper order-taking, food presentation, wine-opening etc, we here at FU prepare you to entertain customers, as well.

What kind of entertainment, you ask?

Well, out that door there just behind the little-bitty guy in purple - no offense, Shrimpy - we have some farm animals. Chickens, sheep and oh yes, maybe a few pissed-off 2,000-pound steam-snorting bulls with big-ass pointed horns. Don’t worry, they’re harmless.

So let’s see, you three guys in front, head on outside and unfurl those flashy red tablecloths, and wave them at the bulls to get their attention, so we can get started.

By the way, Shrimpy, did you remember to fill out  your Next of Kin form? Oh, no special reason….

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Spanish bullfighter Miguel Angel Perera (C) waits for the start of a bullfight in Gijon August 13, 2009. REUTERS/Eloy Alonso

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Okay, advertising team, we seem to be striking out with our new client, that guy who wants to make a big splash with camel milk products - camel milk coffee, chocolates, what have you.

As far as naming his chain of stores, we proposed Dromedary Queen, but he decided he liked Camel-Lot.

Then we needed a catch-word, to attract the kids. We offered HUMPERRIFIC! but he’s going with “CAMELICIOUS!”

So now there’s the matter of a slogan. Now that we’ve we’ve had a chance to sample all this stuff, we’re presenting him with our very best idea:

“Camel Milk Treats? You’d have to shoot me first!”

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Above: Miniature chocolate camels are displayed at Al Nassma’s Camelicious camel farm store in Dubai, July 29, 2009. REUTERS/ Vivien Henderson

Left: A coffee machine dispenses various frothy camel milk based “Camelicious” drinks. REUTERS/ Steve Crisp

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Blog guy, you’ve had a lot of photos lately of Spanish bullfighters getting tossed around and trampled. So like, is there any chance they’ll run out of them soon?

That would be nice, but I’m afraid not. See, they’re importing them from Asia now.

You mean like cars?

Pretty much. Here are some photos of Taira Nono, an apprentice bullfighter from Japan in southern Spain over the weekend.

How do you suppose Japanese guys get interested in that?

I think it’s a mistranslation. thing. The Japanese have that word tora…

Like the Jewish scriptures?

No, that’s Torah. Tora means tiger in Japanese, and toro is bull in Spanish. You can see the confusion. So when a bull comes out instead of a tiger, it actually seems like a pretty good deal to this guy. Once he texts his fellow tiger-fighters back home, watch out!

But why would serious Spanish bullfighting fans come to see a guy named Nono?

I believe they thought they were coming to a Bono concert.

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Japanese apprentice bullfighter Taira Nono prepares to perform a pass to a bull during a bullfight in Torremolinos, Spain, August 2, 2009. REUTERS/Jon Nazca

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Blog Guy, I don’t like where my life is headed lately and I need to make some changes. Where can I get insight into other lifestyles?

The best place is the lifestyle section of our online video clips.

For instance, the top item there now shows elephants rampaging through a tea estate in India.

Um, okay. Is there more to it than that?

I don’t know, there’s no narration. I presume it’s a life choice we should expect to see more of. It will hit Los Angeles soon, I expect.

But wait. Is this about elephant lifestyle, or people who might get trampled, or how we should switch to coffee since all the tea is squashed, or what?

It’s about life. And style. I can see from your negativity you’re not ready for change, so maybe you should just let other, more evolved readers embrace this lifestyle, whatever it is.

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Blog Guy, I just got back from a trip to Europe and I have to complain about the border security guys who examined our luggage. What idiots! I mean, a baboon could do a better job!

It’s funny you should mention that. Over in England, they’re training baboons to do that very task.

No way!

Way. Check out this video clip. As you can see, a crack team of baboons is able to search and clear a whole car in just 38 seconds.

That’s a pretty funny clip, but knowing you there must be some other angle. Something really stupid, right?

Busted. Yes, it cracks me up that we’re told this clip is a “staged recreation of recent events.”

Think about it. “Hello, Ms. recent film school graduate. Your job is to load a car and then get a bunch of baboons to rip it apart. Here’s your script. You’ve got two weeks, and I want it to look real!”

I’ll tell you, I’d pay good money to see the out-takes…

Blog Guy, I heard it was another rough day for the revelers at the running of the bulls.

You bet. Despite the fact that a bunch of runners had already been injured at the Animal Cruelty Festival in Pamplona, one of them fatally, they were off and running again yesterday, with other serious injuries.

Wow. Was there any single low-point?

I was particulary taken by this photo of a guy passing a cigarette to another guy. If you need a smoke when bulls are rampaging through the streets, you may have a problem.

Okay, but I know there must be moments of bravery, too, aren’t there?

Sure. There was Capuchino, the bull who killed one runner and gored three others.

Awesome! I bet he has a place of honor for being such a fearsome fighter! What happened to Capuchino?

He was the first one killed by a matador in the afternoon bullfights.

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Above: A festival goer passes a cigarette during the running of the bulls at the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, July 12, 2009.  REUTERS/Eloy Alonso

Left: Runners are chased by Miura fighting bulls, July 12, 2009. REUTERS/ Susana Vera

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Blog Guy, I’ve been following your coverage of that San Fermin festival over there in Pamplona. So who’s winning?

Sadly the bulls always lose in the end, but I must say they’ve had a pretty good couple of days. In a four-minute running of the bulls today, several people were injured and one runner was killed.

Meanwhile, over at the bull ring, hotshot bullfighter El Cid had a real embarrassing experience.

Check out the photo below. What’s interesting about it is, it’s the only one of a whole series that I can actually use here. Thanks to some pinpoint horn work by this bull, the crotch on the bullfighter’s silly outfit was ripped open, leaving all of his male parts fully exposed to the crowd.

And while it’s not really for me to judge, it didn’t look all that impressive, either.

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A runner is tossed by a Jandilla fighting bull in the running of the bulls at the San Fermin festival in Pamplona, July 10, 2009. One runner (not in picture) died and several people were injured in the run.REUTERS/Eloy Alonso

Spanish bullfighter Manuel Jesus “El Cid” is lifted up by the bull’s horn at the San Fermin festival in Pamplona July 9, 2009. REUTERS/Eloy Alonso

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