Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

WARNING: Contents may be too cute for some viewers

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Blog Guy, I guess this is a tough time for you. I mean, it’s summer and people are doing other things, so your blog traffic must have dropped.

Yeah, it always plummets during the summer months.

Is there anything you can do to attract readers? You know, any little tricks?

Well, normally when it gets really bad I pay a chimpanzee to feed milk to a tiger cub. Then I get photos that are adorable beyond comprehension, and run them in my blog.

No way! Doesn’t that violate some kind of Blogger Code of Ethics or something?

Only if the blogging authorities catch me doing it. You won’t tell anybody, will you?

And the Sportsman of the Century was…

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It’s a vintage Rolls Royce convertible, bristling with firepower. A mounted machine gun, a Lantaka swivel cannon, a double-barrel high-caliber Howdah pistol. And it used to belong to James Bond, right?

Nope, it just belonged to some dumbass.

Readers of this blog know I’m always amazed that people will spend tons of money to own stuff touched by a genuine dumbass. A Jesse James autograph, Lee Harvey Oswald’s coffin, Bernie Madoff’s underwear.

Oh honey, I’m home!

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Blog Guy, you used to offer useful tips on how people can tell if they’ve made a bad career choice. Can you please do some more of those?

Sure. Here’s one career test that many young professionals overlook until it is too late.

Where the wild things are?

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Okay, do I have to solve everybody’s problems all by myself?

We have a real news story saying more and more zoos are allowing visitors to spend the night, so they can learn “what happens when the gates slam shut, the sun goes down and the moon rises…”

Really? Again we are faced with schemes created by people who obviously have never seen real-life adventure movies such as “Jurassic Park” or “Snakes on a Plane.”

Sit, Spot, it’s time for our conference call!

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Regular readers know I seldom volunteer my personal opinions, which tend to be uninformed and moronic.

But just this once, I’m going to support a good idea that is coming up very soon.

Did that damned tiger escape AGAIN?

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Blog Guy, I know you’ve been to other countries, and I have a question. Do their sports teams have mascots like ours do?

There are some, but I believe they are hunted down and shot, as you can see in the photo here. As a result, it is not a very popular career path.

Act now, and get a free BONUS photo!

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Blog Guy, I really enjoyed your item on Medo, the world’s cutest bear, visiting your blog a few days ago.

Thanks, that one was very popular. Readers loved Medo.

Can you give us some more pix of him?

Sure, you got it. I’ll do it right now as my Sunday blog post, and then I can go back to sleep.

Cutest bear on earth visits my blog

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Blog Guy, have you ever done anything as a blogger that you’re really ashamed of?

Nothing that anybody can prove.

Really? Nothing?

Okay, okay, I guess you’ve heard I hired Medo the Bear Cub to do cute stuff on my blog today. I mean, we’re heading into the summer lull and I need the traffic.

And then, the Mama Grizzly said…

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Blog Guy, you set up a lot of fantasy shots for your readers, and we appreciate them. Maybe it’s time to share one of your own fantasies with us.

Well, since you mention it, this photo would be a great example of one of my ultimate fantasies.

It’s a jungle out there…

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GERMANY/

Johnson, get your butt into my office!

What did I do now, Boss? I thought I was improving as a news photographer.

GERMANY/You are! I see all of our clients used YOUR photos of new those tiger cubs at the zoo. It’s as if the competition didn’t even send anybody!

They did send a photographer, Boss. The tigers ate him. It was pretty gross.

And while this poor guy was being torn limb from limb, you just kept shooting the cute little cubs?