Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Citizens, you all know why we’re here. We need to do something about these killer ducks that have been preying on humans. Look, here’s a grisly photo of their latest victim.
I believe Sheriff Lamar has been searching for these vicious killers. Lamar?
That’s right, Mayor. I’ve been tracking the killer ducks on wet ground.
Where did you find out what duck feet look like?
On the Web.
Lamar, this is serious! How are the ducks choosing which citizens to attack?
Well Mayor, I guess they have a pecking order.
That’s enough, Lamar! We need to trick them with something.
Like a huge wooden human decoy, Mayor?
Lamar, we’re going to use the town’s Emergency Loudspeaker Broadcasting System. You’ll be up in the tower, and when you see them coming you’re going to warn everybody. Our lives depend on this. We need a one-word signal. What will you shout if it’s time for us to run away as fast as we can?
Um, how about DUCK!!!!!!!!!
A worker takes a nap surrounded by ducklings at a duck farm on the outskirts of Jiaxing, Zhejiang province April 5, 2011. REUTERS/Stringer
Blog Guy, I’m having an argument with my piano tuner’s haberdasher…
My main purpose in life is to settle arguments. What is it?
We were trying to decide on the second-best museum in the world, next to your Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, which we both agree is number one.
What’s up, Blog Guy? You look concerned about something.
I am. I just saw these photos of two panda cubs born in Spain.
They’re adorable! What’s wrong with that?
Did you miss the part where I said they are in SPAIN, the place where poor creatures are slowly tortured to death before slobbering, bloodthirsty crowds?
An egret stands among anemone flowers…
* * * * * *
Honey, you can stop cooking, it looks like the Hendersons can’t make our dinner party after all!
Damn those people! How do you know?
Look out in the garden, they sent their egrets!
Some friends they turned out to be, huh?
Yeah, with friends like those, who needs anemones?
An egret stands among anemone flowers in Ben-Shemen forest, near the Israeli town of Modiin, February 21, 2011. REUTERS/Ronen Zvulun
Blog Guy, in the past you’ve criticized Spain for things like bullfighting, the running of the bulls in Pamplona, and that thing where they ride horses through fire. Don’t they have any normal traditions?
Sure. Just a couple of days ago we covered carnival celebrations up in the Basque region, and I’ve been looking at our photos of that.
Blog Guy, whatever happened to your Dumbass of the Month? You haven’t given the award for some time now.
I know, sorry, but I am in a position to name one for February.
Really? But it’s only February 3.
Yeah, but no one is gonna beat this guy.
It seems some hunter whose dream was to shoot an elephant has sued a travel company after it sent him to a part of Africa where he said there were no elephants to be found.
Blog Guy, you’ve done a great job of reporting on those Government Death Panels, but how about doing sort of a behind-the-scenes look at their job?
That’s a great idea. We sent a photographer to one of their branch offices, in Nevada, to watch them get ready for a busy day of putting folks out of their misery.
Blog Guy, I’ve read that some pandas are being reintroduced into the wild. This fascinates me, but I worry that panda cubs raised around humans won’t be able to adapt.
That’s not an issue. All the humans these cubs come in contact with are dressed as pandas.
Regular readers know this blog normally overflows with irony, sarcasm and the absurd, and is no place for sloppy sentiment.
Except where animals are concerned. Several times a year, I feature animal photos that I hope will bring a smile and make readers happy to be alive.
Blog Guy, this is the Sunday before Thanksgiving, our family’s favorite day of the year! Our children, Paige and Preston, know this is P-Day, the day your blog is devoted entirely to “Cute Stuff That Begins with the Letter P.”
The children are sitting here with their steaming mugs of cocoa, their eyes sparkling with excitement. What do you have for them?