Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

In words of one syllable, you’re nuts…

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CHINA/

Blog Guy, my doctor sent me to you for some career advice. I need a job that works with some, uh, small quirks I have.

Quirks? Well, your timing is good. I was just thumbing through a glossy brochure called “Your Future in Hippopotamus Hygiene.”

CHINA/That’s not a good fit for me.

Really? You get to work over at the Hippodrome, take the Hippocratic Oath and spend time around hippopotamuses…

Stop with the long hippo words! My shrink said you don’t use any scary big words in your blog. He was wrong! SIX YEARS of therapy, down the drain!

Nothing could be finer than be waiting for a rhiner….

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Blog Guy, you’re famous for your career advice, especially about jobs that should be avoided. I’m going through brochures now looking for something suitable, and wondered if there is anything new I should be wary of.

KENYA/

Yeah. No matter what the brochures say, avoid being a “Great Big Rhinoceros Catcher.”

We’re off to see the lizard…

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Blog Guy, I need some of your famous travel advice. I can get an AMAZING deal on a week at a five-star luxury beach hotel in a Russian city on the Black Sea. What do you think? Is there a catch?

RUSSIA/

Yes, that would be Snake by the Lake Lodge, and I’m familiar with the scam. They lure tourists there and then feed them to the reptiles that roam the grounds.

Look sweetie, news we can use!

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CUBA/

We journalists are trying really hard these days to give people content that really makes a difference to them.

The very technical news media name for it is “news you can use.” A good example is an actual story from Mexico this week…

Look! It is ‘El Tall One’ himself!

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SPAIN/

Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet with my pedicurist’s pest control guy?

Sure. I’m just here to settle bets. What’s up?

tall matador 240It’s about bullfighting, and I know you wrote the book on that. The cockroach man says bullfighters tend to be short, like jockeys, but I think they’re much taller. Who’s right?

Zombie nun scares poor little doggie!

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SPAIN/

Blog Guy, you went too far in your blog a couple of weeks ago when you implied that people in Spain aren’t happy unless they are “killing, maiming, torturing or frightening poor animals.”

Let me get this straight. You had to go back two whole weeks to catch me going too far? I must be slipping.

Do you have a date for the ball?

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SERBIA/

Blog Guy, I saw a bunch of Reuters photos from the World Testicle Cooking Championship, and I was surprised you didn’t cover it in your blog.

Yeah, well, I found one of the photos very disturbing, so I just went into denial.

Good to the last droppings?

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Okay gang, we’ve gotta find a way to distinguish our brand of coffee from all the others. You know, like it’s grown on misty Blue Mountain, or in the intoxicating sea breezes of Hawaii, or some poetry like that.

Boss, why don’t we go more in the direction those guys in Asia took? You know, “We make our coffee from half-digested cherries found in the poop of wild civets.”

It’s festival time, round up some poor animals!

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SPAIN/

I hate to get serious here, and I promise I won’t make it a habit, but WTF?

SPAIN/In the past couple of days alone, we’ve had pictures from a festival in Spain where they attach flaming torches to a bull’s horns, as well as photos and video of a bull leaping into the stands and injuring dozens of spectators at a different event in Spain, where “young boys run before the bull trying to avoid being caught.”

Head out on the highway, take a swordfish with you…

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swordfish cycle 490

Blog Guy, I know you’re an expert on the animal kingdom, and I want you to settle a bet about swordfish with my step-son’s biology teacher.  This teacher says that while swordfish are indeed fish, they do not travel by swimming.

Pay up, the teacher is right.

swordfish crop 260As you can see in this photo, swordfish travel on the back of motorcycles and motorbikes.