Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, it looks like you’re gloating about something.
Congrats, Blog Guy. So what were the main factions in the debate over there?
It was the Decent Human Being faction against the Pro-Torture and Cruelty faction.
Can you boil down the basic arguments of those two sides?
Sure. The Decent Human Beings felt that slowly torturing an animal to death while bloodthirsty imbeciles cheer in the stands has no place in the 21st century. As for the Pro-Torture and Cruelty faction, their side is so ridiculous it’s not even worth repeating.
Wait, Blog Guy, you owe us a fair representation of both sides. We deserve that.
Blog Guy, I know you love animals.
I’m thinking of becoming vegan. I’ve read that Ellen Degeneres and her spouse Portia de Rossi are both vegans. Is that right?
I don’t believe so. Look at their necks.
Excuse me? Their necks?
Yes. You can clearly see they don’t have VEGAN tattooed on their necks, which of course is how you normally spot a vegan. Like this guy on the right. Now HE’S a vegan.
Blog Guy, I’m a recent college graduate and I need your help finding a suitable career. My mom got me a colorful brochure called “The Exciting World of Putting Socks on Horses,” and I wondered what you think of that career path.
Forget it. Listen to me. How long have you known about horseshoes?
All my life, why?
And how long have you known about horse SOCKS?
Um, about ten minutes, just since I got the brochures.
Right. So if you don’t know about ‘em, horses don’t know about ‘em, and they do not adapt quickly to new articles of clothing.
Blog Guy, I was surprised to find that Pamplona Running of the Bulls thing started several days ago. Usually you dump all over it in your blog. Don’t you care about animals anymore?
I do care very much, but from the coverage I’ve seen this year, I’m cautiously hopeful that some improvements have been made. For example, it looks like they are using fake bulls on wheels, instead of being needlessly cruel to real animals.
Welcome back to a regular feature we like to call, “What Year is this Again?” in in which we offer up news items which cause us to question whether we may have gone back in time.
Here, in a photo I had figured for about 400 BC but which turns out to have been taken just four days ago, this guy is holding his FIVE-MONTH-OLD SON over a crocodile.
Blog Guy, I saw a fascinating Reuters story that said biologists tracking jaguars in the Guatemalan jungle wear Calvin Klein’s Obsession for Men because that particular cologne attracts big cats.
So wait, you’re reading other stuff aside from my blog at reuters.com?
I’m sorry, just now and then, while I’m waiting for you to post something new. It says they tried out 23 other fragrances but Obsession worked best. How do you suppose they tested that?
Blog Guy, I just graduated from college and I’m looking for a job. A recruiter sent me a glossy brochure called “The Exciting World of Feeding Giant Reptiles,” and I wondered what you know about opportunities in that field.
Several recent grads have asked me the same thing. I’ve seen that brochure, with the folksy quotes from such legendary reptile feeders as Stumpy, Lefty and Elbow Willie.
Okay zoo staffers, I’m sick to death of all the other zoos in the world getting famous from really adorable animal babies. Polar bears and elephants and such-like. And don’t even get me STARTED on the pandas!
All we ever come up with are butt-ugly animals who make the school children cry and run away in horror.
Blog Guy, the other day you explained that it’s perfectly okay to root for the bull at a bullfight. So what else can we do to help even the odds?
I’m glad you asked. Check out this matador who was gored by a bull during a fight. He’s surrounded by his so-called “assistants.”
Blog Guy, may I get a little serious here?
I really wish you wouldn’t.
Thanks. Last week when you wrote about El Señor Magoo, the matador with bad eyesight, some of the commenters mentioned going to bullfights and rooting for the bull. Is that allowed?
Yes, I’m sure it must be. What possible logic could there be in only allowing folks to root for the matador?