Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Look Out for the Cheetah…

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Blog Guy, I’m outraged. Connect me to your blog’s complaint department!

Hello, this is the Odd Blog Complaint Department. Your call is important to us…

Look here, I think this Basler guy ran a photo of Usain Bolt and a cheetah cub for the SOLE purpose of justifying a cheap pun headline playing off of a hit song from 1966!

I see. And you somehow expected more from this blog?

Yes. Usually Bob would only use a cheetah picture if the animal was pooping or something like that.

Shcuse me…is thish the shtable?

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Lamar, the big race starts in less than an hour! Where are the jockeys?

They’re coming, Boss!

Are they ready? Did they prepare for the race?

You betcha, Boss! They spent all night drinking!

That’s good. Drinking alcohol?

Of COURSE alcohol, Boss! What ELSE would you drink before the big race?

Just checkin’, Lamar. And did they wear themselves out?

For sure! They danced non-stop. Can’t even keep their eyes open!

Ah, there they are now, Lamar! I can see ‘em trying to find the stable…

It’s a grand sight, isn’t it, Lamar! On a morning like this, with the sun comin’ up over the puke-filled mud and the jockeys staggerin’ this way in their finery, if you squint just a bit you’d think you’re at the Royal Ascot Races.

Uh-oh. The hyenas have stopped laughing…

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Blog Guy, you’re always making fun of fashion designers, acting like you think they are worthless, gangrenous canker sores on the buttocks of society.

Wait. You think I’m just acting?

You seem to be all talk and no action. Are you actually DOING anything to make things better?

So a leopard CAN change its spots?

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Sometimes I have to make up stupid stuff for this blog, but of course it’s much better when there is real, honest stupid stuff like this, to save me the trouble.

The photo above shows the two new zebras at a zoo in Gaza City.

And by “new,” I mean they are really donkeys who have just been painted with black stripes because the zoo’s owner says it would be too expensive to bring a genuine zebra into Israeli-blockaded Gaza.

I didn’t prepare ya for Bavaria?

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Blog Guy? I read about Oktoberfest in your blog and went to the bar you suggested, and now I wanna die!

Really? What did you order?

Hold your voice down. I’ve never had a headache this bad. I ordered “Bavarian Shooters.” My ears are still ringing. I inhaled so much black smoke…

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch…

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Kids, gather ’round for another bedtime story. I know how you love really evil characters. Let’s see. We’ve covered Hannibal Lecter, Vlad the Impaler, Rod Blagojevich, Mad King Ludwig…

Okay, Timmy and Sally, turn the lights out, get under the covers, and I’ll tell you about a naturalist named Chris Packham…

The head is loose! I get the goose!

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As an amateur anthropologist, I’ve spent years studying leisure activities in unfortunate parts of the world where – okay let’s be blunt – they don’t get American cable television.

I’ve found that this lack leads local cultures to settle for pitiful pastimes, like singing dingos and sofa races.  But nowhere are the ravages of TV deprivation as pathetic as they are in a place I like to call Spain.

I hope there are some bulls on his “death panel”

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Blog Guy, what’s the humane situation in Britain? They really love their animals, right? But so like what if you’re a Brit person and you really have this urge to be cruel to animals? Is that a problem?

You can go fox hunting, though that’s a little more difficult these days.

Do these pants make my butt look big?

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Blog Guy, I’m back with more questions about the honorable sport of bullfighting.

Sure, but let me remind you, bullfighting isn’t a sport, it’s a “sport.” Big difference.

Cool Hand Nuke?

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Today we continue our scientific poll to find which international figure – U.S. President Barack Obama, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin or Britain’s Prince Charles – will be named the Coolest Leader Dude.

While I am absolutely neutral on this issue, I must point out that Charles has taken a disturbing and baffling lead in early voting, heading toward a result that could be an affront to all mankind.