Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Today’s reading is from Shooteronomy

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It’s been a few weeks since I’ve written about any new signs of that onrushing Apocalypse, so I foolishly thought things might be getting better.

Let’s see here. Roman Catholic bishops in Wisconsin are urging their parishioners not to bring weapons TO CHURCH, now that a new law permits state residents to carry concealed firearms and electric weapons such as stun guns or tasers.

Uh-oh. Does it SOUND like it’s getting better?

I mean, states have been competing to pass the nuttiest weapons laws recently. There was the Florida law limiting what doctors can say to their patients about guns, and both Utah and Arizona voted to create official state firearms.

Maine lawmakers voted to legalize switchblade knives, but only for one-armed residents, while Ohio approved a law allowing folks to carry guns into  bars.

Let’s do something spontaneous, Baby!

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Hey Blog Guy, how come you’re sitting in that huge tub of ice cubes up to your neck?

That’s my new “home.” I eat, sleep and blog here, under constant monitoring.

Why are you still yammering?

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Okay, I have a serious bone to pick with the news media.

It is being widely reported that the evangelical Christian broadcaster whose Judgment Day prophecy went embarrassingly unfulfilled on Saturday has explained that he miscalculated, and the actual Apocalypse will happen later.

So my question is, why are we even still quoting this man? Why are we spreading his hogwash?

Six ways I know the world isn’t ending

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Okay, everybody I know has asked me about these nutjobs who say a huge earthquake will shake the world today, sweeping true believers to heaven and leaving others behind to be engulfed in the earth’s destruction over a few months.

It isn’t happening, trust me, and here are the six ways I know that for a fact:

How much for the Unabomber’s chemistry set?

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Blog Guy, I’d really like to own something that belonged to a famous dumbass, but I couldn’t afford that autograph of Jesse James that went for $51,000. Is there a more affordable dumbass sale going on?

I’m sorry, but genuine dumbass stuff is expensive. For example, the U.S. Marshals Service, the folks who sold Bernie Madoff’s underwear a few months ago, is auctioning off personal stuff belonging to Ted Kaczynski.

Sorry Mr. Trump, I thought you were someone else

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Blog Guy, you look very upset. What’s wrong?

I’ve just seen the clearest sign yet of that onrushing Apocalypse I keep writing about.

That’s just a photo of possible candidate Donald Trump. We’ve already established that you wouldn’t vote for him. So what’s the new sign?

Are they high-caliber lawmakers, or what?

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CANADA

Those signs of the onrushing Apocalypse that I like to chronicle here are coming so fast I can barely keep track of them these days.

colt revolver 280It turns out, the Arizona Legislature has just voted to make the Colt Single Action Army Revolver the state’s official firearm.

This shore isn’t much of a school….

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USA/

Blog Guy, it’s been three whole weeks since you spotted the most recent sign of that onrushing Apocalypse. Can I bring my family out of the panic room now?

snooki vertical 220Not just yet. Were you aware that Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, from “The Jersey Shore,” spoke at Rutgers University recently and the school paid her $32,000?

So if a dumbass just signs his name…

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Here we go again.

jesse james 280Having recently blogged about people willing to spend lots of money for stuff like Lee Harvey Oswald’s actual coffin and Bernard Madoff’s actual underwear, I now learn that a very rare autographed photo of Jesse James will be auctioned, probably for something north of $20,000-$30,000.

I just don’t understand stuff like this.

This is the same Jesse James whose Wikipedia entry calls him an “outlaw, gang leader, bank robber, train robber and murderer.”

Is this the express line?

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PHILIPPINES/

Blog Guy, it’s a couple of days before the end of February and there hasn’t been a single sign of the onrushing Apocalypse this month. I’m feeling much better already.

ice cream buffett 220 thisThen you’re living in a dream world, buddy. I just saw one of the clearest signs ever. It turns out a specialist ice cream parlor plans to serve up breast milk ice cream.