Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, we’re a whole month into 2011 and you haven’t spotted any new signs of that onrushing Apocalypse. Does that mean we’re out of the woods?
Far from it. I’ve just seen a very serious sign, but it’s so disturbing I’m still in shock.
Damn. Guess I can stop planning for my retirement. What was the latest sign?
According to a Reuters story, Adolf Hitler’s last surviving bodyguard, who is 93, says he can no longer respond to the deluge of fan mail from autograph-seekers, because of his age.
Well look, I’d like to think this old fart is just delusional. Maybe he’s mistaking junk mail from the University of Wisconsin Alumni Association for “fan mail,” which I myself have done.
What is the matter with people?
All of these ghoulish transactions were clear signs of the onrushing Apocalypse, and yet they somehow pale by comparison to an auction a few days ago.
Blog Guy, thank you so much for keeping us alert on signs of that Apocalypse which seems to be hurtling toward us. Last week you warned us about the proliferation of craters and sinkholes. Are there any new signs?
You bet. Tomorrow, keep your eyes on an auction of stuff that once belonged to Bernie Madoff, the mega-swindler who is serving 150 years in prison.
Blog Guy, it’s been two whole months since you’ve seen a sign of the approaching Apocalypse. Isn’t it about time to lower the threat level for your readers?
Hardly. If anything, it’s time to raise it. I don’t know if you’ve spotted the trend, but Earth has been caving in rapidly this year, with craters and sinkholes appearing from nowhere, overnight. Suddenly, the surface of our planet looks like the face of a teenager on a French fry diet.
Blog Guy, the last sign of the approaching Apocalypse you told us about was singer Justin Bieber publishing his memoirs, but I believe there was another one this week that you overlooked.
Those of us sitting out here waiting for the End of the World count on your blog for timely telltale signs.
Blog Guy, I’m very, very confused.
That’s nothing to be ashamed of in this blog, sir. What seems to be the problem?
I saw a photo of Hooters waitresses watching President Obama last weekend. I’ve always been led to believe if the words “Hooters” and “U.S. President” ever appeared together, it would be the end of the world.
Blog Guy, I’m starting to get scared about this Apocalypse thing you keep writing about. A few days ago it was people trying to auction off embalming tools used on Elvis Presley. What next? Can the signs get any worse than that?
Indeed they can, and they have.
Oh my God! There’s another sign? What have you seen now? Don’t sugar-coat it!