Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

I said RED wine, butt-face!

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If you weren’t convinced the world is going to hell from reading my post on the Heart Attack Grill, here’s an item that should put you over the top.

You know how, after a hard day of work, you really want to find somebody to belittle and demean and taunt?

Yeah, me neither. But now there’s this bar that actually encourages its customers to insult the staff, and even gives free drinks for really creative abuse. Seriously.

“When you come in after work, you can swear at them and call them bastard or imbecile,” said one happy customer.

“How’s your Bypass Burger, Lonnie? Lon? Lon!”

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The problem with providing health care to every American is that it would even go to patrons of the Heart Attack Grill, a hospital-themed restaurant in Arizona.

That eatery, employing all the knee- slapping humor that life-threatening coronary disease has to offer, serves up a “Quadruple Bypass Burger” to customers, and when they’re finished, a waitress pushes them out to the car in a wheelchair.

So you even rented the BRIDE?

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We have this story today that says if you don’t know enough people to invite to your wedding, it turns out you can HIRE total strangers from this Japanese agency who will come and pretend to be your family and friends.

Surely this is another sign of that approaching Apocalypse. In addition to all the other runaway expenses of having a wedding, you can now add $200 a person so you don’t look quite as much like the total loser you really are?

Run! It’s Señor Zorro the Pig!

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Hang on just a dad-gum minute there, Blog Guy!

What’s wrong, stranger who talks just like Jed Clampett?

You had a purty good sign of the Apocalypse a couple days back, but I reckon you overlooked a better one. I saw some Reuters photos of…

Yes, yes, I know. I’ve had nightmares. You mean the dressed-up pigs?

Durn tootin’ I do!

Yeah, they dress pigs up like humans at this festival in the Philippines. I saw Zorro, a bride and groom, some boxers, then I passed out.

Is that Officer Roy firing at us?

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For those of you still placing bets on the arrival of the Apocalypse, hurry up. It’s almost here.

These are police at “advanced motorcycle training.” I guessed it was a special squad trained to protect us from the growing threat of two-dimensional billboard art, but I was wrong.

Apocylapse Wow!

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Blog Guy, I’m a young woman who believes global war is coming soon and it will leave the world enshrouded in pendulous clouds of noxious fumes and toxic gases.

This pernicious haze will have humans choking in pain and gasping for every breath. I guess you can see where I’m going with this.

You did WHAT in the overhead bin?

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After paying for their aisle seat, blanket, food and a cocktail, air travelers may need to set aside a little cash for… well, you know…

There’s no delicate way to put this. The chief executive of Europe’s largest budget carrier said today that Ryanair might start charging passengers for using the toilet while flying.

Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln…

Please help me think this through, because I could be all wrong. Last night, there was a grand and glittering celebration of the 200th anniversary of Abraham Lincoln’s birth, which is today.

President Barack Obama was there along with other big names, as befits a guy who is on our money even though folks don’t have much of it these days.

Jumping the Arc in the dark…

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Hey, Blog Guy! We’re five days into 2009 and you haven’t mentioned any signs of the coming Apocalypse. Does that mean we’re safe?

No, it just means I’m backed up. Here’s a clip of Motorcross rider Robbie Maddison ringing in the New Year with a spectacular jump in Las Vegas.

A large coffee and 60 drums of Napalm, please

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I may as well not hide my feelings. I don’t know if you saw Britney Spears’ act on TV today, but it was another sign of the coming Apocalypse, an example of decaying moral values in this country.

I know you’re saying, “Shut up! She put on an awesome show, going through a ring of fire in a sexy outfit!”