Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
More jumbo gumbo, Mr. President?
Blog Guy, have you seen that amazing new book about former first lady Jacqueline Kennedy, the one taken from hours of taped interviews with her just months after her husband was assassinated?
I have, indeed. It’s a must-read for anyone who likes fish soup.
Excuse me? Are we talking about the same book?
Sure. I’m not even finished with it, and already I’m struck by her vivid chowder memories of Jack Kennedy:
“He’d come home, and then it would be fish chowder….”
“I remember we had fish chowder. You could still sit outside.”
Let’s do something spontaneous, Baby!
Hey Blog Guy, how come you’re sitting in that huge tub of ice cubes up to your neck?
That’s my new “home.” I eat, sleep and blog here, under constant monitoring.
Um, that’s a little strange, Blog Guy. You want to explain what’s going on?
Sure. A coroner in Ireland has officially ruled that a man who burned to death in his home died as a result of spontaneous combustion. The coroner said it’s the first time in 25 years of investigating deaths that he has recorded such a verdict.
So you’re saying a human can actually just burst into flames?
Yes, unless they’re smart enough to sit in a tub of ice cubes night and day, as I’m doing.
Lamar wasn’t expecting Helga to react the way she did when he asked her for a light. He’s given up smoking ever since.
You want fries with that museum?
Honey, I have a surprise! An entire museum of fries! Let’s order a malted, And everything salted, Then leave, before anyone dies!
Blog Guy, I read your item about the Ramen Museum in Japan, which sounds kind of boring. Are there any really great food-themed museums?
Well, everybody knows about our own Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, here in Washington, DC.
Sure, I’ve been there lots of times. What else?
There’s the Frietmuseum, in Belgium. The place is dedicated entirely to research and information on French fries.
Seriously? An actual French fry museum? Isn’t that kind of risky in this health-conscious era?
Sure, Georgia. Just don’t call them “boomer” or “four bagger.”
I think they all come from Cooperstown
Blog Guy, can you please settle a bet with my handyman’s numismatist?
Oh please! More random bets between unlikely random professions? What does this coin collector say?
Well, I saw that CNN journalist Anderson Cooper speaking in Orlando on Tuesday evening, but my handyman’s numismatist claims he saw Cooper on the same evening, speaking in Boise. Which one of us is right?
You both are, sort of. There are at least 14 Anderson Cooper robots, with more being added all the time, so there are often multiple sightings in the same day. I believe the real one mostly sits at home and makes model airplanes.
Really? But the one I saw was so life-like!
They all are. Cooper himself shows up for the measurements and pre-production fittings.
). i dont like them much
Vietnam visa on arrival
Vietnamese cooking
Get out your dimes, it’s midnight!
Blog Guy, if my calendar is correct, you’ve got a major event coming up?
Yes, the celebrated Goofy Face Museum and Doughnut Shop, here in Washington DC, is ready to launch our big new season the day after Labor Day.
I just don’t understand that. I always thought the big tourist season is in the summer.
You’ll have to ask the museum’s marketing director, Lamar. It’s something about wanting to avoid having crowds. It’s the same reason we’re only open from midnight to 6 a.m., and why the $20 admission must be paid in dimes. “Anything you can do to keep the tourists away,” Lamar says.
But anyway, our intrepid night owl visitors, their pockets sagging with coins, will find some nice new exhibits this year, such as our glitzy tributes to actor George Clooney and Vice President Joe Biden.
That’s very cool, but it looks like your best new Goofy Face portrait acquisition is musician Neil Young. Trust me, Blog Guy, that’s a show-stopper!
Blog Guy and Lamar, I most certainly hope that you explained to Mr. Young that you don’t offer free doughnuts after closing time. You just keep putting the same doughnuts in the case every day, hoping they get sold someday.
That’s why they call it Killing time…
What’s up, Blog Guy? You look annoyed.
Yeah, I hate being suckered. I see the programming chief for AMC now says the murder that was the central crime in his network’s Emmy-nominated series, “The Killing,” will be wrapped up in the SECOND season.
Wait. Didn’t that show just finish its first season? You mean they didn’t solve the crime?
Nope. Oh, they toyed with us and invited us to their Website to discuss who would be revealed, but then they hit us in the face with a big cream pie in the last two minutes of the season closer.
Even the AMC exec admits his network “should have managed expectations better.”
Much as I love watching morose and sullen characters set against a backdrop of rainy, rainy, rainy, rainy Seattle, I won’t be back next season.
I was out LIVE people-watching in Cannes..
everytime a Rolls Royce or Lamborghini passed by (and there were quite a few) I went oh la la!
The importance of…Have I used this headline before?
It’s summer, Blog Guy, and that means lots of funny local competitions. I hope you’re monitoring those for your readers.
I’m all over it. Looks like they just had some kind of “Plump Old Coot” contest in Key West, Florida, open to guys with big guts, white beards and Boy Scout uniforms. I have a photo of six of them.
Wait Blog Guy, I think this was that Ernest Hemingway lookalike contest that they have down there. They hold it every year at Sloppy Joe’s Bar.
You always write about it, and you always use the same headline, “The Importance of Being Ernest.”
Are you kidding me? Those guys are supposed to look like Hemingway? No way.
That one guy could pass for that singer Kris Kristofferson. Another one looks like the actor Robert Prosky… But Ernest Hemingway? I don’t think so.
heheRewriting Jane, an Austen-tatious move
Blog Guy, I read that a handwritten draft of a Jane Austen book that was never published just sold for $1.6 million at auction. The story said it was an unfinished work. She’s my very favorite author!
Yeah, I know all about that. I was the anonymous telephone bidder who bought the draft. I’m eating barbecue ribs and reading her manuscript right now. It’s not bad.
Be careful with that! What are you going to do with it?
Well, I’ve never read any of her stuff, but I did like “The Six Million Dollar Man” when it was on TV.
Are you stupid? That was Steve Austin. This is JANE AUSTEN.
Oh. Crap. Anyway, I’ve been doing some research, and I figure I can just finish writing her book myself, and then get $400 million or whatever.
Hmm.. is it a documentary, CG?
Doc, pretty sure, its pronounced nôrth’-ang-gur….
Reading in bed just got a lot better…
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Okay Lamar, your memo said you’ve come up with a totally new fashion concept in women’s apparel. I’m very excited, so show me what you’ve got.
Okay, Boss! Presenting, ta-da, The Linger-Read!
The what?
It’s lingerie that you can read, Boss. So if you get bored with your partner, you can at least read what she’s wearing for entertainment.
Are you a total moron, Lamar? What guy gets BORED looking at a woman wearing lingerie?
It’ll be a real turn-on for smart guys, Boss. It’s like, “Wait here, Big Boy, I’m gonna slip into something more educational…”
You betcha those British are comin’!
Blog Guy, I’m surprised you didn’t get involved in the Sarah Palin thing a couple of days ago, when she told her goofy version of Paul Revere’s ride.
Yeah, I do have to admit that was the best video clip I’ve seen since Miss South Carolina immortalized herself a few years ago.
Exactly! This is a story that every school child learns from that Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poem. You know, “Listen my children and you shall hear, Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere…”
Look, Palin has clearly done her research, and has chosen to go with Longfellow’s alternate, second version of the poem.
A second version? I didn’t know that! How does it go?
It goes something like this:
He lied about what did, claiming someone else did it. Worse, after he admitted he did it, he continued to lie. First, he lied about it becasue he knew what he did was inappropriate. Now, after havibng admitted he committed the acts, he says he did “nothing inappropriate.” Multiple layers of deception. I believe people in positions of authority should set the standard by personal example.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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Crab Cakes had better be just Cakes.
George the Crab