Blog Guy, recently you had pictures of John McCain, Barack Obama and Joe Biden all eating ice cream, and you said give Sarah Palin a few days and she would also be pandering to ice cream voters. Well, she’s an independent-minded rebel, so are you ready to take it back?

You should check out these pictures of Palin in Wisconsin yesterday. As I predicted, she’s already cramming those icy scoops past her lips as fast as she can.

That’s awful! I expected more! What flavor did she order?

Something with the unfortunate name “Moose Tracks.”

Oh dear. Why is it called that?

I can’t say for sure, but the shop was named The Chocolate Factory, so you connect the tracks. So to speak.

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Republican vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin tastes her “Moose Tracks” ice cream cone during a campaign stop at The Chocolate Factory with U.S. Republican presidential nominee Senator John McCain in Cedarburg, Wisconsin, September 5, 2008. REUTERS/ Brian Snyder

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Blog Guy, do our presidential candidates have any supporters in other countries?

Yes, I checked it out, and there is a very active group called Spain for McCain.

You didn’t check anything out. You just wanted to use that headline, didn’t you?

Maybe. But there is also an active Democratic group closer to our shores, in Nassau.

This better not be more of your juvenile garbage. What is it called?

Bahama for Obama.

That’s it! I’m never coming back here!

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Members of the “Spain for McCain” platform with a cardboard cutout of Republican presidential candidate John McCain in Madrid September 4, 2008. REUTERS/Susana Vera

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Blog Guy, I worry that the candidates don’t get enough to eat. 

Are  you kidding? They won’t starve. Each candidate eats an estimated six gallons of ice cream daily! They go through a dozen cones at a single stop, so all the photographers can get pictures.

I had absolutely no idea!

Sure. Why do you think a dentist travels on each campaign plane, to make sure tooth decay isn’t an issue despite all that sugar?

But what about that lady candidate, Sarah Palin? I don’t see any photos of her eating mounds of ice cream.

Look, she’s a former beauty queen, so she’s a little timid at first. Give her another week and she’ll have syrupy rivulets of butter pecan rolling down her sticky chin, just like the rest of them.

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Republican candidate John McCain in New Concord, Ohio August 29, 2008. REUTERS/John Gress

Democratic nominees Barack Obama and Joe Biden in Aliquippa, Pennsylvania, August 29, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Dear Patty, I’m afraid Mom has had another setback in the area of hallucinating.

She has been doing so well, but today at breakfast she dropped her fork, crawled over to the next booth to get it, and claimed she saw the Obamas and the Bidens. Like all they have to do with their time is have waffles and patty sausages here at the Yankee Kitchen!

You may disagree, Patty, but I consider this to be even worse than last month, when she saw all four Beatles over there at Applebee’s!

Anyways, we wouldn’t play along with her. Doc told us to just ignore her, and she’ll soon stop making up this hogwash!

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A woman kneels to get her picture taken beside the table of the Obamas and the Bidens at Yankee Kitchen Family Restaurant, during a campaign stop in Boardman, Ohio, August 30, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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It seems someone is playing a big practical joke on Barack Obama.

A few weeks ago, the American Kennel Club began a national poll where people could vote on what breed of dog Obama should get for his daughters. So 42,000 people voted, and the winner was the POODLE!

Excuse me? Do you want to see your President walking along behind a dog like this with a pooper scooper? Plus, in the famous Dogs Playing Poker series of genuine artwork, the poodles are just observers. What kind of signal is that?

I said at the time in a post called Please look at me, Senator, and I still say, the classiest thing Obama could do is give a mutt from a shelter or a dog from a rescue breed organization a deserving  home. That’s a GREAT message, and it sure beats carrying some fluffy thing named Babette up the Air Force One ramp for the next four years.

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above: Dogs Playing Poker

below: Handler runs with poodle after winning the non-sporting group at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York, February 11, 2008. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

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Geez, this is some kind of horrible nightmare!

I’m in my Econo Lodge motel room in Montana, and I’m ready for a perfect evening - a tumbler of creme de menthe, the TV Guide crossword puzzle, and some good sitcoms. Maybe “Dick Van Dyke” or “Laverne and Shirley.”

But NO! It turns out the only thing on TV here is reruns of  “Those Darned Clintons,” and I’ve seen every episode! That wacky wife who always wants to be in the show, the nutty husband who makes everybody call him “Mr President” even though he isn’t… 

Yeah, here’s the episode where she sneaks onto the podium at a convention and nominates herself. I’ve seen it. Where’s that freaking remote, anyway?

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Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama, in Billings, Montana, watches Senator Hillary Clinton deliver her speech at the 2008 Democratic National Convention, August 26, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Okay folks, this new Pepsi ad campaign is gonna make history! I see a kind of slice-of-life commercial, where some big-name spokesman goes into a diner and talks to people about thirst-quenching goodness.

He says, you know, something like, “Is it hot enough for you folks? On a day like this, nothing beats the refreshing taste of an ice-cold Pepsi!

Then the woman says, “I love Pepsi from a bottle, but does it come any other way?”

And then the spokesman says, “YES, WE have a CAN!”

Now, who can we get for an ad like that?

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Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama speaks to patrons during a campaign stop at Longstreet Deli in Petersburg, Virginia, August 21, 2008. REUTERS/Jim Young

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Hey, Blog Guy, did you know Barack Obama is out of the country?

Yes. It’s been in the news.

So, I hear he got into a bare-knuckle throw-down with some German guy. Is that right?

These things get blown out of proportion. Look, Obama and the Mayor of Berlin were discussing the best way to drink Jagermeister, and things got a bit heated. The mayor made fists and said, “My friends will settle this!”

Whoa! Then what?

Then Obama reached into his pocket and pulled out this heavy bear statue he takes everywhere, and said, “Maybe your friends should meet Mr. Bear!” That pretty much ended it. But don’t hold me to that version, because I’m just guessing based on a couple of pictures.

Okay, that sounds fair enough.

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Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama receives a statuette of a bear, symbol of the capital, from Berlin Mayor Klaus Wowereit during their meeting in Hotel Adlon in Berlin, July 24, 2008.  REUTERS/ Michael Kappeler/Pool

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It seems Barack Obama has promised to get his daughters a dog after the election. You can even go to an American Kennel Club site and vote on a breed for them, in case the Obamas want your opinion. The AKC says, “presidential purebred dogs are as traditional as baseball and apple pie.”

But tradition isn’t all good. There was a time when choosing U.S. Presidents of a certain breeding, race and gender was traditional. Times change.

So here’s my vote. Win or lose, the Obamas should visit their local animal shelter or contact an online rescue organization and choose a mutt, or if allergies are an issue, a rescue dog from the breed they want.

Let them open their hearts to a loving dog who doesn’t have a home and can’t understand why. Now there’s a tradition that should be as American as apple pie.

Some shelter dogs available for adoption right this minute.

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Blog Guy, like most voters, I make my choices based on a candidate’s UFO policies. Who cares more about outer space menaces? Barack Obama or John McCain?

This is a tough one, because I think both men are serious. 

There are photos of Obama spending idle hours between campaign stops scanning the skies with a pocket telescope he always carries. Sometimes he’ll stop in the middle of a speech and have a look for what he calls “them.”

As for McCain, he may already have had a close encounter. There are rumors that a UFO landed right beside him and dragged off several hundred supporters. I can’t confirm this, but I’ve seen a picture.   

Obama uses 
kaleidoscope at gift shop in South Dakota, May 31, 2008. REUTERS/ Rick Wilking 

McCain at news conference in Ottawa, June 20, 2008. REUTERS/Chris Wattie  

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