Blog Guy, I’ve heard a very disturbing rumor about you. Please say it isn’t true.

It’s a complete lie! What is it, anyway?

That after a couple of years of blogging about stuff you dislike, you’re finally making your move.

Oh, that. Yeah, we’re starting out slow. The Odd Blog police are rounding up some bad clowns and some bad fashion designers. The photos must have gotten out.

My God! Oh, the humanity! Where do you go from here?

Figure it out. It’s all there if you go back through my old postings. Soon they’ll be picking up brussels sprout farmers, gyrocopter pilots, folks who put clothes on dogs, Barry Manilow…

But where will you even put all those people while they await trial?

Not a problem. I expect to have plenty of empty bullfighting rings to lock them up in….

You’re a madman! The people will rebel! They will resist you!

Not after they see now nice life is without brussels sprouts and bullfighters, they won’t.

Waste your life. join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: Policemen stand guard near two of four detained men covered in hoods at the Sindh High Court Karachi, Pakistan, October 20, 2009. REUTERS/Akhtar Soomro

Below: A British police officer ushers away a demonstrator dressed as a clown after a climate change protest at Ratcliffe Power Station at Ratcliffe-on-Soar, central England, October 18, 2009. REUTERS/Darren Staples

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, did you read about those guys who made the highest parachute landing ever at a drop zone near Mount Everest last week?

So they had the danger of diving from four miles up, AND they had to avoid hitting Mount Everest! They must be REALLY macho!

Total weenies, those guys. If they had only checked around, they would have found much more dangerous new combo sports. Just to name a few:

• Jumping over Everest from four miles up while playing Russian roulette
• Jumping over Everest from four miles up in a jumpsuit full of cobras
• Jumping over Everest from four miles up with a three-mile bungee cord attached to the airplane
• Jumping over Everest from four miles up while listening to Barry Manilow on your iPod

Wow! Do you need a special parachute for those combo sports?

Who said anything about a parachute?

Don’t grow up! Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Ramesh Chandra Tripathi, one of three team members, prepares to land at Gorakshep near the Mount Everest area, September 22, 2009. REUTERS/ Handout

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, I’m very worried and I need your help. I read this article about expensive performers you can hire for weddings and parties. Like for just $1.5 million, I guess you could have Amy Winehouse sing at a child’s birthday party.

Yeah, if you’re not trying for the “Parent of the Year” award.

Well, here’s what really worries me. The article said Barry Manilow will play a party for $1.3 million. But what if he ‘demands more than that to NOT show up and play? I’m not sure I can afford that.

Sorry, you’ve lost me there…

Look. Suppose I’m setting up for my wedding reception and suddenly Barry Manilow comes by and says, “Looks like a nice party here. It’d be a shame if I came along and sang, wouldn’t it? For $2 million, I can promise that won’t happen.”

Well if that happens, then you just hang tough and say, “Look here, Barry Manilow, I’m not afraid of anything you can do to me!”

Yeah? And so then what if he raises his thumb, opens his mouth and says,” But I sent you away, oh Mandy, well, you kissed me and stopped me from shakin’ and I need you today, oh, Mandy…”

Yeah, now I see your point. Is there anybody you could borrow the $2 million from? Maybe a second mortgage on your house, or dip into your 401K or something?

Slideshow on expensive wedding performers

Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Follow this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: British singer Amy Winehouse arrives at the City of Westminster Magistrates Court in central London, March 17, 2009. REUTERS/Kieran Doherty

Left: Singer Barry Manilow in a 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Okay, so they’ve appointed this new crime czar over in the West African nation of Guinea, to oversee the fight against drugs and serious crime.

Guys like that always call for more police, more convictions, blah blah blah. So let’s listen in and see what this dude, Captain Moussa Tiegboro Camara, suggests for fighting criminals.

He says burn ‘em. Just burn ‘em right up.

Holy crap! And he’s not talking about serial killers or nuclear terrorists, that’s just his suggestion for handling armed robbers.

“I’m asking you to burn all armed bandits who are caught red-handed committing an armed robbery,” is what he said yesterday. “The prisons are full and cannot take more people…”

I’d like to know what he has in store for more serious criminals, but I’m afraid to ask. I’m guessing it involves some combination of disembowelment, hungry rodents, Barry Manilow music and Brussels sprouts.

Don’t over-think it.  Join the Oddly Enough blog network

Tweat yourself to this blog on Twitter at rbasler

Above: A police sign burns in the capital Conakry in a 2008 file photo. REUTERS/Saliou Samb

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, there is a lot of discussion about torture these days, you know?

And you want to add your thoughtful opinion to the debate?

No, I want to get me some torture stuff! Where can I do that?

Ah. Implements of torture are widely available. Many CD shops sell Barry Manilow music over-the-counter. And some disreputable groceries will even sell you brussels sprouts.

What if I want something even worse?

A collection of more than 250 antique torture devices is to be sold soon in New York City. To get around possible ethical issues, the seller promises an UNDISCLOSED percentage of the profits will go to charities fighting torture.

Undisclosed? No, if I’m going to consider buying this, I need to know how much will go to charity.

Well let’s see, how could this work? You want certain information from a guy, so how could you force him to tell you? Come on, slick, pay attention! It’s not rocket science!

Torture devices slideshow

Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Give yourself a Tweat. Follow this blog at rbasler

Top left: Singer Barry Manilow in 2006 file photo. REUTERS/Fred Prouser

Top right: Shame masks, part of a privately owned collection of torture devices, are displayed at Guernsey’s auction house in New York, May 11, 2009. REUTERS/Eric Thayer

Right: Brussels sprouts. USDA photo.

Right: A torture chair from the collection, May 11, 2009. REUTERS/Eric Thayer

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Warning: readers who are easily disturbed or offended should not read this item.

A Colorado judge is trying a new punishment for people charged with being too noisy. He sentences them to an hour of listening to Barry Manilow.

The judge says he is “teaching manners to people,” and that his tactic is working.

We’ve seen this sort of sick cruelty before. Two years ago, a neighborhood tried to get rid of low-lifes by blasting Manilow music over loudspeakers. My blog on that was called, Wouldn’t it be more humane just to shoot them?

Whether this form of torture continues, only time will tell. But I will tell you one thing: If I’m ever in Colorado and this judge sends his goons after me, they’ll never take me alive!

Manilow torture video

It costs nothing. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Singer Barry Manilow in 2006 file photos. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni and Mike Blake

More stuff from Oddly Enough

We have photos of celebrations in Ukraine and Belarus, and some people carrying pictures of Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin, who is generally considered a guy you wouldn’t want as a neighbor. I’m wondering how they get folks to do that.

Honey, did you pick up our posters for the big celebration tomorrow?

Yeah, I got Stalin again. It’s all they had left!

Jeez! Again? Were they out of the Hitler ones?

Completely.

And no Mussolini?

Nope.

Vlad the Impaler? Jack the Ripper?

All gone.

Barry Manilow?

Zip.

Who do you have to KNOW to get out of carrying this Stalin crap? Next year, we make our own Hannibal Lecter signs!

Impress your boss. Join the Oddly Enough blog network!

Communist supporters carry red flags, portraits of Vladimir Lenin and Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin during a demonstration to mark the anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution in Kiev November 7, 2008. REUTERS/Konstantin Chernichkin

Woman holds portrait of Stalin in Minsk, November 7, 2008. People gathered to mark October Revolution Day, the official public holiday commemorating the 1917 Bolshevik Revolution. REUTERS/Vasily Fedosenko

More Stuff From Oddly Enough

Blog Guy, you’ve been filling us in on the Olympics sports that nobody else covers. Tell us more!

There’s hot competition today for the Freakishly Grotesque Face event, as you can see in these training camp photos.

Wow, they’re hideous! How do they practice for an event like that?

Various ways. Some eat Brussels sprouts, some listen to Barry Manilow music. I know one who drinks Diet Dr Pepper for a face straight out of hell.

Ah, that makes sense. Who judges the event?

A panel of small children is forced to watch. The face that makes them scream and cry the loudest…

Join the Facebook Oddly Enough Network

Melissa Wu, REUTERS photo by Jason Reed

Dylan Armstrong, REUTERS photo by Ruben Sprich

Tony Jeffries, REUTERS photo by Lee Jae-Won

More stuff from Oddly Enough

Top designer Giorgio Armani has weighed in on the raging debate over the fashion industry’s use of ultra-skinny models.

See if you can guess who Armani blames:
a) The designers
b) The models
c) Barry Manilow
d) Global warming
e) Stylists and the media

Right. No points for guessing right on this one….

Related post: The bride’s shoulder blades were stunning…

More posts about models

More stuff from Oddly Enough

This is great stuff.  A neighborhood in Sydney is fighting to take its streets back from hoods and low-lifes by using the one thing they fear most: Barry Manilow music.

Officials plan to pipe the Manilow music through loudspeakers in hopes that lyrics like ”…but I sent you away…” will do just that.

This is not a totally new idea. Several years ago, Bing Crosby music was used to drive teenage loiterers out of an Australian shoppng center. I am not making this up.

Of course, exactly what life will be like in a neighborhood made up only of Barry Manilow fans remains to be seen.  Here’s the story:  

Barry Manilow performs in Beverly Hills on October 10, 2005.  REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni