Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
The last huzzah?
So this is the end. The last post for this blog.
It’s a good thing we’ve said our farewells, because this is also the last day for new comments.
Today, this site freezes in time. You can always revisit it for a little nostalgia, like that old amusement park in the creepy part of town, with all the chains and cobwebs.
Former presidential candidate Herman Cain was fond of telling his supporters, “Stupid people are ruining America!”
Well, maybe that’s true, Herman, but stupid people also provide cheap entertainment, which is a useful service. We should thank them for it, without using any big words.
My readers, my commenters, my friends, you are the best. You can find me on Facebook. Some of you have even found me in person, so please remember I know how to get restraining orders.
Playing Pachelbel’s Cannon at my funeral?
Blog Guy, not to bring up a depressing topic, but have you made plans for what will be done with your body when you die?
I’m arranging that now, thanks to several readers who sent me info about a company called Holy Smoke. They put your cremated ashes into shotgun shells or rifle cartridges, so your friends can shoot you off. Even in death, you can be helping to kill some poor creature.
Their Website says, “We offer a way to honor your deceased loved one by giving or sharing with him or her one more round of clay targets, one last bird hunt, or one last stalk hunt.”
Okay, you’re just making that crap up, Blog Guy.
No, I’m not. Whether you were a big shot or your life was just a flash in the pan, you can go out this way…
I see, now you’re just doing it for the cheap puns. I mean, this is one very goofy plan!
AllThatJazz, it’s because standing in fromt of salmon hued screen is soooo offputting!
Coming soon, the Sound of Stupid…
Blog Guy, I just heard about an exciting project involving your blog. Can you confirm it?
Yes, the last two years of my blog postings are being released as Blogs on Tape, so folks can listen to them in the car, on dates, during court arraignments, whenever.
That’s great! I know it’s important to get the voices right on these audio things. Who are you using?
We assembled a stellar audio team. Actor George Clooney does Blog Guy. Here you can see him cracking up during a recording session, trying to deliver the line, “What do I look like, an ornithologist?” He just loved the material.
Wow, that’s quite a coup! And the all-important voice of your sidekick, Lamar?
That would be Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, seen here playing off of Clooney’s straight lines with his over-the-top wacky rejoinders.
You’ve been upgraded to Gaddafi Class!
Blog Guy, I saw some photos of fugitive strongman Muammar Gaddafi’s private plane, taken at an airport in Tripoli. I’m surprised you didn’t blog about it.
Look, there’s something of a conflict of interest here. As you may have noticed, the plane was a Basler BT-70, built by “my company” for Gaddafi.
But we’ve established you don’t really have a connection to the genuine Basler Airlines.
That’s why “my company” is in quotes. We used Gaddafi’s design, which was problematic.
Why, what did he insist on?
Well, as you can see in the top photo, there’s the huge rollaway bed.
Gaddafi works out his issues
With boxes and boxes of tissues
While he wipes his nose,
He drinks much wine and goes,
“Ish not me! Ish you!”
Cashing in on My Good Name?
Blog Guy, I know you’re busy designing the next generation Basler BT-70 aircraft, but I may want to buy a plane before you have a chance to test your new model.
Test it? What do you mean by that?
Never mind. Anyway, the current Basler BT-67 seems very cool and just what I need, but I saw the list of options and I have a few questions.
Sure. Did you see the options on our cocktail napkins, or did you see the place mat?
It was a glossy place mat, similar to the kind Boeing uses to show off their options.
Anyway, I notice on the wings and the tail it says “metal control surfaces.” What would be my other alternative, besides the metal?
Blog Guy, when is the inaugural flight? In honor of it, this ditty:
There is a flight company out of Oshkosh
With amenities that are great, by gosh.
You should fly Basler Air.
In weather that’s fair.
The on-board donuts are quite posh.
You kids, cut that out!
Blog Guy, we all know you work with Lamar and your two dogs and two cats, but you hardly ever mention the rest of your blog staff. Give us some information about them.
There’s Ray, the typesetter, Duke, who runs the printing presses, there’s Wall Guy, there’s Kelli the photo editor, there’s Julie, our technical…
Wait a second. Stop. Wall Guy?
Sure, the goofy old guy who appears at the hole in the wall at our office and makes sure everybody’s working hard.
You have a hole in your office wall?
Of course. It would be pretty hard to see Wall Guy if we didn’t have the hole, now wouldn’t it?
Spin – if there IS a puppeteer, where did he put his hand?
Can I borrow your toothbrush for my feet?
Great news. We have another one of those serious etiquette columns that appear to be aimed at folks who were raised by neanderthals. Early neanderthals, not the more evolved ones.
This particular column tells you how to behave if you are a house guest. If you still need to be told this stuff, then good luck ever getting invited anyplace.
I mean, consider that among the first bits of advice is, “Don’t use or borrow without permission…and don’t snoop.”
Really? Good to know.
Look Honey, the Petersons are on heavy-duty Prozac! Think they’ll notice I replaced ‘em with aspirin?
No Dear, but judging from Judy’s diary, try not to mention herpes or the Dutch…
The guy in the second pic reminds me of Uncle Scrooge in Ducktales..
The resemblance is uncanny!
Okay, what moron closed the sun roof?
Say, Blog Guy, I saw some photos of a solar-powered prototype aircraft being tested. That’s a pretty cool concept. Have you thought about making a solar version of that Basler BT-70 airplane of yours?
Yes, we tried that last year. It gets pretty hot in those solar things, what with going out of your way to absorb sunlight.
Ah, I hadn’t thought of that. So that would be bad.
No, that would be good. When passengers get hot we sell a lot of cold beers and cocktails, which is how airlines really make their money.
I didn’t know that. So you actually sent yours up for a real flight?
Sure. It took right off, beautifully.
@CrowGirl…you know, that’s the way Ghaddafi (GF)’s training his pilot recruits lately…
GF: “Pull the stick back, plane goes up. Turn left, plane tilts left, turn right, plane turns right. Understood?”
Pilot: “Er..excuse me Colonel, but how do we go down?”
GF: “Never mind that, leave that to NATO.”
Your 40,000 comments are important to us…
Blog Guy, I see in the trade publications that your blog just hit a new milestone.
We have trade publications? Yes, I hit TWO milestones last week. I got my 30,000th follower on my Facebook Blog Network, and incredibly, I got my 40,000th reader comment, more than any of our other blogs.
You’ve had 40,000 comments? That’s amazing! Do you know your regular commenters personally?
No, I believe most of them are being held in secure locations for the good of society.
One of them comments mainly in haiku. One claims to be a swineherd, and another is a lawyer named Doc. One owns a pink pistol and a mandolin in Texas, and one sees his sister in almost every picture I post.
This is George, Daddy Tims favorite Rubber Crab Son, saying thanks to Malteser for referring to Dave and Papa, however they are retired from the United States Marine Corps, not the Army. Doc and Mr B are great Army type guys, but they are not retired from that bit of business.
Pa Rastus disappeared into the clouds on Saturday. Please, if any of you know where he was raptured off to, tell him that his son George wants to know where he hid the TV remote control, please!
Stoke the boiler, boys, we’re baling basil!
Blog Guy, what’s the latest on your brother, Basil? We know he used to be an expat export expert, and the last we heard, he was playing mandolin in Mandalay.
Oh, Basil left the folk music scene. Now he operates heavy farm equipment. He owns a baler in Switzerland.
Yep, in Basel.
No! He’s THE Basel baler Basil Basler? I’ve seen his TV commercials!
That’s him.
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Resident Oddly Enough blog Expert
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It’s not pining, it’s passed on. This blog is no more. It has ceased to be. It’s expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late blog. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If they hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-blog.