Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

I’m just putting on my eye makeup, honey!

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KAZAKHSTAN/

Lamar, our fashion show is about to start. Did you find us a fresh supply of affordable runway models?

I did indeed, Boss, and they’re pretty nice, if you don’t mind having human genetic mutations show our haute couture to the world.

Human genetic mutations? Ewwwww, Lamar! What’s wrong with them? How bad is it?

Are you familiar with the cruel expression “four eyes,” Boss?

Whew. That’s a relief. Yes, Lamar, and I don’t mind having models who wear glasses.

You said my butt looks WHAT?

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fashion gun 490

Lonnie, what were we thinking? I KNEW we shouldn’t have booked a fashion show in Mexico, what with the drug wars, the gang hits, the brazen shootouts all over the place!

fashion vest 240It’ll be fine, Boss. Some of the models want to wear Kevlar vests on the runway, but those are pretty fashionable these days.

Drinking in bed, in an ocean of red…

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IWINE-ITALY/

Blog Guy, what happened? You kind of left us hanging. You were about to crown a new Queen of the Entire World a couple of weeks ago, and it was down to two candidates.

queen new vertical 240Remember? One was in a giant feathered headdress and the other was just back from the longest Ash Wednesday service in history.

Are you the models from Moody Judy?

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FASHION/

Okay Lamar, we’re back to doing our fashion shows on the cheap, since we blew all that money on supermodels last week.

fashion chair vertical this 220So, did you find a way to save us money on models for today’s show?

I sure did, Boss. I hired girls with real bad attitude.

How bad?

They gave me a long list of stuff they won’t do.

Like what?

Like smile. Or show any personality. Or wear red lipstick.

Well, just as long as they can walk to the end of the runway and turn around, I’ll be satisfied.

It smells like Jennifer has been here…

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fragrance jennifer this 490

Blog Guy, I thought I saw a photo of Jennifer Aniston this week. Why is she in the news? Some kind of Nobel Prize deal or something?

MEXICO/Are you kidding? It’s HUGE! She launched her personal fragrance, “Jennifer Aniston,” in Mexico!

Scarlet women prowl the catwalk…

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fashion redheads 490

Lamar! Get your butt into my office!

What is it THIS time, Boss?

What is the deal with those models out there in today’s fashion show? Their faces are all bright red!

fashion red face combo 340But Boss! Your memo said specifically you wanted redheads, so I replaced the lights in the dressing room mirrors with tanning lamps. I thought it worked out pretty well.

Really? You’ve had no professional training?

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fashion insane this 490

Lamar, I’m at the end of my rope. We have to find cheaper models for our fashion shows. We’ve tried zombies, dead people, puppets….

FRANCE-FASHION/What we need is a group of women who will make their own outfits, do their own hair and makeup, and strut the runway, all for free.

Welcome to our model town…

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gown town this 490

(to the tune of Petula Clark’s “Downtown“)

When you want lookers
But you can’t afford hookers
Here’s the place to go, Gown Town

You’ll be a hero
‘Cause they’re all a Size Zero
If you find them in, Gown Town…

Models with low sylph-esteem?

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fashion skinny 490

Blog Guy, I need some of your famous career advice. I want to find a job.

FASHION-BRITAIN/What’s been holding you back, if I might ask?

Well, I’ve had a run of bad luck that left me pretty skinny. First, I fell asleep on the liposuction machine and it ran all night, and then I got a tapeworm….

Gosh. I suppose maybe you could…

I’m not finished with my sad story. Then I got lost in a cave for six weeks without any food. When I finally got out, I was rescued by a weight loss club.

You ever try flossing, Catherine?

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zeta jones 490

“Michael, hold still so I can see myself in your fancy sunglasses. Do I have something between my teeth? I can feel it…”

FASHION-MICHAELKORS/“Ewwwww, Catherine! I told you not to have that spinach quiche for breakfast! Cripes! There’s a huge chunk of green stuff hanging out of your mouth!”