Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Along came a slider who sat down beside her…

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fashion sliders 490

Lamar, we’ve got another big fashion show today. What have you done to cut costs? I’m worried about this rule that we have to have food for the models.

COLOMBIA/Are you kidding, Boss? That costs us nothing! I just put out the five sliders again.

Excuse me? What sliders?

Sorry Boss, I thought you knew. Back in 1958 my grandmother made some little hamburgers for our very first fashion show. They were so plump and succulent, of course the models didn’t dare come near them.

Now, I put the same burgers out each year and spritz a little Eau de Boeuf spray around the table.

When designers stay up past bedtime…

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BRAZIL/

Um, Blog Guy, you write about fashion real good. We are two very famous designers, and we would like to have you cover our new clothes and stuff. Okay?

BRAZIL/Sure. If you’re really big designers, I’ll see your creations at one of the big international shows.

Rinse and spit…

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hygienist combo 490

Blog Guy, you used to have a regular feature called, “What Former Dental Hygienists are Doing.” It was lively, timely and we all loved it, so what happened to it?

ITALY-BERLUSCONI/I’m sorry, I guess I dropped the ball on that. Give me another chance. Look, here’s the former dental hygienist for Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

I stick my neck out for nobody…

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fashion no neck 490

Blog Guy, you’ve helped lots of people with unusual fashion needs, and I hope you can do something for me. I’m an attractive woman who was born with no neck.

BRAZIL/You mean you have a very short neck, right?

No. I have no visible neck whatever. Damnedest thing you ever saw. Just a torso with a head on it. I mean, I can’t even look left and right at traffic lights.

Ve haff vays to make you talk!

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torture miss america 490

Okay Blog Guy, tell us the location of the troops…

No way! You’ll NEVER make me betray my country!

Oh, so you’re a tough guy, huh? Suppose we cram brussel sprouts down your throat and make you watch “Jersey Shore?”

torture accordion this 320It won’t work. I won’t sell out my friends. There’s nothing you can do!

Yeah, it makes your butt look big; worst women’s fashions of the year…

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BRITAIN/

It was a year when models hit the international fashion runways looking like kitchen utensils, nutcrackers, forest creatures and, well, the recently deceased.

BRITAIN/You know it was a bad year in fashion when my blog item that was headlined “The worst dress in the history of Earth?” barely makes it onto my Top 10 Worst Fashions list.

Count me in! Do you take plastic?

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HUNGARY/

I guess I don’t get out enough. I admit there is lots of stuff I don’t understand.

HUNGARY/But please. Here we have photos from the Miss Plastic Hungary beauty pageant, an event aimed at honoring people “who have had some type of aesthetic surgery.”

Dream a little dream of me?

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USA/

Blog Guy, I see they just showed the big annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show on television.

fashion scary 260I know you had a few shots from it a couple of weeks ago, but it seems like you used to devote a lot more space to events like this. What’s up?

Did you gals get enough coffee?

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FASHION/

Lamar, get in my office, right now! You’re the one who arranged for the dressing room and backstage facilities for the models here at the fashion show, right?

model georgia face 220That’s right, Boss. You think I went overboard?

What amenities did you order?

Jeez, I’ll have to look at my copy of the contract, Boss. Let’s see. A mirror, a table, a metal chair, a fancy, deluxe, top-of-the-line coat rack, a splintered plank floor….

She just watched “Casablanca,” or what?

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crying model this 490

Quick quiz: The fashion model seen here is weeping because…

a) Peace in the Middle East is such an elusive goal.

b) There just isn’t enough time to help everyone who needs it.

c) “Bridge Over Troubled Water” is SO intense.

d) She is overwhelmed by the incredible beauty of a simple butterfly.

e) She doesn’t like her haircut.

weeping model 320Sorry, all of you who chose Middle East peace.

That was a good guess, but this lady was reduced to tears because her stylist cut too much off before a fashion show, and apparently she’s never heard of wigs or stocking caps or anything like that.

You sort of have to wonder HOW too much got cut off, what with all the mirrors they have backstage and the fact that models probably spend 98 percent of their time worrying about their own looks.