Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Remember the name Hulga Fekrat…

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supermodels combo 490

Blog Guy, I want to pick your brain.

You’re going to need a court order for that.

No, I just want to make use of your wealth of knowledge about the fashion world.

fekrat 240 verticalWho are the very, very most beautiful supermodels in the world right now? You know, the ones that can light up a runway with their very presence.

My own list would include Miranda Kerr, Gisele Bundchen and Heidi Klum, but I want to make sure I’m not leaving off someone stellar, Blog Guy.

Indeed you are. Where is the name Hulga Fekrat, for Lord’s sake? Just look at her in photos from a show in London a few days ago. The hair, those hypnotic eyes, the intoxicated breath.

Was Dr. Seuss in Belarus?

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FASHION-BELARUS/

Blog Guy, I’m a young woman in my first year of college. I should be pulling all-nighters to study for my mid-terms, but I keep falling asleep.

FASHION-BELARUS/You need professional help staying awake, I suggest you go to Belarus. See a designer named Ludmila Labkova. She can tie your hair so tight it’s impossible to close your eyes.

Topless model makes spectacle?

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FRANCE-FASHION/

Lamar! The fashion show is about to start, and one of the models is topless!

FRANCE-FASHION/Only the one, Boss? I don’t know what the others were thinking of. I’ll talk to them.

No, Lamar! They’re SUPPOSED to have tops! This isn’t HBO!

Run backstage right away where we keep those, you know, what-do-you-call-ems?

What are you talking about, Boss? You’re hysterical!

You know, those things! Two circles, connected. Please, hurry!

Okay Boss, I figured out what you meant. It’s all taken care of.

Bless you, Lamar. You complete me….

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A model presents a creation by French designer Jean-Charles de Castelbajac as part of his Spring/Summer 2011 women’s ready-to-wear collection during Paris Fashion Week October 5, 2010. REUTERS/Pascal Rossignol

Stop staring at my assets!

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COLOMBIA-FASHION/

Blog Guy, I’m a young woman with an unusual problem. I’m just too beautiful.

Excuse me? How is that a problem? You can probably make money from that.

FRANCE-FASHION/I grow tired of fending off suitors and discouraging courtship. What can I do to turn guys off?

In one ear and out the other?

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INDIA/

Blog Guy, I have a personal hygiene question. I can’t seem to keep my ears clean enough. I use cotton swabs four times a day, but there’s still a waxy yellow build-up.

Swabs, huh? How far do you stick them in?

INDIAI stop when I hit something solid.

That could be your problem right there. In other countries they have professional ear cleaners on the street, and they do it right.

Ya think she might be nuts, Lamar?

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fashion yellow 490

So wait a minute, Lamar. Tell me again how you know this chick who’s coming here to the bar?

I haven’t actually met her, Lonnie, but she sounds very hot.

FRANCE-FASHION/And she’s a real model?

You bet. She just modeled at Paris Fashion Week. It doesn’t get any better than that.

A cosmetic solution to our differences?

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UN-ASSEMBLY/

Blog Guy, as a Washington DC insider you’re an expert on high-level diplomacy. I hear countries have little ways of showing degrees of displeasure through diplomatic contact. Is that true?

Of course. Our own Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is a gold medal pro at this tactic. Here she is talking with the President of Turkey, while putting on lipstick. Does it look like she gives a crap what he’s saying?

A short attention span?

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NEPAL/

Blog Guy, you’re something of a wordsmith, right?

Well, I do know my way around a phone book or whatever you call those thick things.

NEPAL/ I heard a colorful expression yesterday and I can’t seem to find out what it means. It was, “As lucky as a short cat in Kathmandu.”

Hot fashions for the fussy hussy?

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Hey Blog Guy, I have some fashion needs that you’ve never addressed. I’m a strumpet.

NEWYORK-FASHION/PROJECT RUNWAYYou mean the band instrument?

Not a trumpet you imbecile, a strumpet! You know, Jezebel? Floozy? Trollop?

Isn’t that a Coney Island law firm?

Gosh, you’re even thicker than I’ve heard, Blog Guy, and frankly that’s very hard to imagine.

And the new Miss Cheap Universe is…

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USA/

Blog Guy, you’ve been covering the Miss Universe Pageant in Las Vegas, and this is the big day. How’s it going?

Okay I guess, but there are complaints about the cost-cutting. The Pageant is being done on the cheap this year, and it shows.