Oddly Enough Blog
News, but not the serious kind
Blog Guy, you’re a serious outdoorsman, right?
Well, I don’t want to brag, but yes, I’ve spent my share of nights sleeping out in, what’s the word, those canvas things with poles?
Tents. So I have a serious outdoor fashion question. My boyfriend is taking me to Valley of Fire State Park, in Nevada, to hike and check out those legendary red sandstone formations, and I want to know what to wear so I don’t look out of place. Help!
Sure. First, in a rough terrain like that you’ll want to take good care of your feet. I’d recommend platform peep-toes, or stiletto pumps.
Really! See, I would have thought maybe good hiking boots?
Get real. All the other chick hikers will be wearing heels. For clothing, go for shorts and something sleeveless, to expose as much skin as possible to the intense summer Nevada sun. And accessorize with some long dangling earrings and a nice purse.
Quick quiz: This sinewy, tattooed arm and enormous hand belong to…
a) The 2009 national arm-wrestling champion
c) Julius Caesar’s personal calendar slave
d) Actress Angelina Jolie
Your time’s up. It’s Angelina Jolie’s actual arm.
No, Blog Guy! What are you saying! Angelina is every guy’s dream woman!
She’s the ideal! She’s perfect! She’s what actress Melanie Griffith used to be!
Oh, that reminds me, here’s Melanie’s arm, below on the right.
This is just horrible! My world is upside down. Nothing makes sense anymore!
So you’re saying you wouldn’t want to go out on a date with Angelina?
Blog Guy, last week you did an item on a traditional Chinese therapy that involves putting suction cups on a person’s back, and you seemed to poke fun at it.
I SEEMED to poke fun at it? Maybe I’m getting too subtle lately.
As a practitioner of this therapy, I demand that you write about its benefits. Here you can see a very healthy woman who has undergone our treatment. I will admit that the suction therapy did leave a slight discoloration in a couple of spots on her back…
Blog Guy, I seem to recall a debate in this blog recently about whether or not there is a Queen of the Entire World. How was that resolved?
There certainly is one, and I ran photos of her as proof. Of course, now there’s a new, different Queen of the Entire World.
Not much, these days. Its heyday was the 1960s, when the Ford Motor Company manufactured a popular car model there.
Blog Guy, please settle a bet I have with my neighbor’s plumber.
Oh, here we go again. Always settling bets.
What are the top three most prestigious beauty pageants in the world? I figure Miss Universe and Miss America for sure, but what’s the third?
That would be Miss Cyclone, no question.
Yeah, The Cyclone is the legendary roller coaster at New York’s Coney Island. A young lady named Angie Pontani was just named the 2010 Miss Cyclone. In fairness, I think she was also Miss Cyclone in 2007, 2008 and 2009.
Blog Guy, you’re an expert at fashion and beauty advice. I really need help attracting men. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’m an attractive blue-eyed blonde, I accessorize tastefully, I…
Let me stop you there for a minute, honey. There’s a freaking worm crawling across your face!
Hold it right there, Blog Guy! I’m calling you out on something! Yesterday, you had a supposed beauty pageant shot where the contestants were all standing in front of a faraway building. Was that the ONLY picture you had from that event?
No, of course not. In addition to the So Far Away They Look Like Ants photo, we did cover the other portions of that pageant. Have a look: