Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

The pipes, the pipes are calling…

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Gather around, fashion show staff, I’ve found a new way to cut costs for the big show. It may be even better than our earlier measures, like using dead models, hiring dog groomers as stylists and raccoons to do makeup

Now keep an open mind. You all remember that tragedy last year when they held a fashion show in a steam pipe factory, and there was an explosion, and the models ended up with big sections of pipe through their heads?

Well, those plucky gals want to return to modeling, but… How shall I put this? They’re not quite as attractive as models who DON’T have plumbing materials piercing their skulls.

These chicks will work for free, just to get back on the runway, so if we can just design outfits around them we’ll save a fortune!

Two, four, six, eight, who do we emaciate?

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Boss, those models are back complaining again.

Boy, it’s always something with them. What is it this time?

They haven’t eaten since 2006. Look at that one on the runway, with the spindly legs and her pelvis protruding through her skin…

I don’t see anybody. Oh, wait, I do see a white bag and a headscarf. Look, if they want to be fashion models, they need to weigh less than 40 pounds. Them’s the rules.

Why are they saluting our models that way?

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Okay fashion show staff, we’re bleeding cash here!

Our big cost-saving idea of hiring dog groomers to do our models’ hair helped a lot, but look at what we’re spending on lipstick! We can’t keep buying makeup this way!

What? Yes Judy, I guess you COULD say the lipstick problem has us “going down the tubes,” if you want to be really lame about it…

NONE of you brought bullets?

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Blog Guy, you’re an expert on police operations around the world, right?

Okay.

So I was wondering, what are the very best and very worst police departments? I’m counting on you.

The worst may be these police in Mumbai.

Check out this photo. Looks like all of them are groping for bullets while balancing their rifles between their knees, with the barrels pointed up towards their faces.

Beside the bride in Naugahyde?

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Blog Guy, I’m planning my wedding, and I need your advice. My four bridesmaids are very pretty, and I don’t want them to outshine me at my own event.

Don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem like kind of a bitch.

Hey, thanks! So how can I make sure I’m the brightest star on my special day?

Watch out! Number four is gonna blow!

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Blog Guy, I’m curious about the psychology of fashion models. Do they just wear anything they’re given, or do they have strong personal feelings about the creations?

That is a very astute question. Usually, a model wears any piece of rancid garbage some nutjob designer wraps around her wispy body.

Uh-oh. The hyenas have stopped laughing…

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Blog Guy, you’re always making fun of fashion designers, acting like you think they are worthless, gangrenous canker sores on the buttocks of society.

Wait. You think I’m just acting?

You seem to be all talk and no action. Are you actually DOING anything to make things better?

It’s a festering skankfest of zombies, Clancy!

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Lamar, you mark my words, tonight is a turning point in our luck with the babes.

But it don’t make sense, Clancy. Why would professional models date guys like us?

A huge thrill for Megan Fox?

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I am just SO danged proud of all you readers!

Despite my sacred vow that you will never learn anything from my blog, when you found out here that actress Megan Fox has a quote from “King Lear” tattooed on her back, you made it the most popular post of the month!

All’s I can figure is, all you crazy Shakespeare lovers wanted to memorize the full quote!

Most popular posts for August: Surprise, surprise!

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It’s time to release this blog’s five most popular posts for August, and it underscores that every month I learn something new about my readers’ interests.

For instance, from the wildly popular item illustrated by this photo on the left, I learned that readers of this blog are very curious about special warfare in South Korea.