Oddly Enough Blog

News, but not the serious kind

Vacuous chicks zap yokels with death machine!

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Blog Guy, you’ve set up amazing fantasy photos for readers, and now it’s my turn. It won’t be easy. I want Miss Universe and Miss USA together, on top of a skyscraper.

I think I can manage that.

There’s more. They must be holding a box of fancy cupcakes.

Cripes, that’s tough. Beauty queens won’t go CLOSE to tempting desserts!

That’s your problem, Blog Guy. That’s why you make the medium-size bucks. One more little thing. I want them using a futuristic death ray, incinerating people for fun.

You want them smiling and shooting folks with a death ray?

I’m talking mindless bliss, as they obliterate unsuspecting tourists. I don’t want to see a single thought in their heads.

Don’t do anything abnormal, dear!

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Now don’t panic, readers. Appearances can be deceiving. I know it LOOKS like these folks have hooks piercing their skin, but in reality…

Oh, sorry. It turns out that IS what’s going on here.

“Bye Brenda, you have fun with your friends at the tattoo convention, and be careful!”

And, the ice is free here!

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Okay, members of the Iceland Citizens Group, thanks for coming on such short notice. You all know the problem.

Ingibjorg Egilsdottir, Miss Iceland, is frolicking in the Bahamas before the Miss Universe Pageant, and – I’ll be very blunt – when it’s over, why in God’s name would she leave there and return to a place called Iceland?

Marching to a different eardrummer?

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Blog Guy, it’s been a while since you spotted a new sign of the onrushing Apocalypse. I guess things must be getting a little better?

Hardly. The Apocalyptic story of the year is this week’s “One dead in ear-cleaning salon attack.”

Let’s do the Time Warp Again…

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Welcome back to our occasional feature called What Year is this Again? in which we offer up stories that may lack humor, but which cause us to question whether we have gone back in time.

Today, a couple of items make me fear yesterday’s solar eclipse may have warped us back a few centuries.

Check the clavicles on that babe!

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Fashion staff, this new push-up product of ours is going to turn the beauty business upside down!

Look at this pathetic Victoria’s Secret model showing off their push-up bra. Who needs that? Bosoms are SO last year. Just ask any guy.

“Hamana-hamana-hamana”

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Oh my God!

Ralphie, what’s wrong?

That chick coming this way. That’s my Internet date! I recognize her from her picture, and I think she’s really pissed!

No! Nobody uses their real picture online! What does she think YOU look like?

I may have sent her a shot of Hugh Jackman. What the hell am I going to say to her? What if the OTHER stuff she told me about herself is true, too?

Mr. Wang, novelty hairstylist!

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Great news for you chicks who want someone using razor-sharp scissors on your neck and head while balanced upside-down!

Meet Wang Xiaoyu, who has more years of experience at kung fu than at barbering, something I myself look for in a stylist.

Grab a face-spider, it’s party time!

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Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
Drinking red wine by the case
Along came a spider who sat down beside her,
And said, “Let me crawl on your face!”

People who want to be on the cutting edge of fashion ask me, “Bob, what’s the next big thing after carrying around tiny chihuahuas in purses, and they seem surprised when I tell them it’s a face-full of tarantulas.

This may sting just a bit, Ma!

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Blog Guy, my mom is turning 60 next month. My sisters and I want to give her something really special. Any ideas?

Sure. Do what many families are doing these days. Have Mom tattooed.

You mean a cute little tattoo just to show she’s still hip? Like on her back?